The Obedient Earl: A NaNo Novel

Done!

2009-11-29T19:16:00.000-08:00

Done, done, DONE.

My seventh novel is now in the can, and I'll tell you, there were times I wasn't sure I was going to make it. But as with every November, somehow, it all comes together in the end...

It may not be ready to set the literary world in fire, but it's done, and it's MINE.

As always, I'm so proud of this accomplishment, more than people know.

Of course, I'd be remiss without a few thank yous...

Thanks to Jen, for all her encouraging emails, her dares, and her unwavering belief that I can do it.

Thanks to Dad, Michelle and Don, for always believing that I can write another novel.

And thanks to all the nameless, faceless readers who enjoy what I put on the page. You are the reason I write.

And dedicated to the memory of Mum, who always supported me, believed in me, loved me, and knew that someday, I'd be a writer. I miss you every day.

Until next year...

Chapter Thirty-Five

2009-11-29T19:11:00.000-08:00

“Do you think anyone noticed?” Jamie asked, unwinding his cravat from his neck and tossing it carelessly onto the bedside table, smiling at his new wife, who was lying on the bed, still in her wedding dress, though her slippers lay across the room where she had kicked them the moment the door had shut behind them at the inn where they would be spending their first night as husband and wife.

“Do I think anyone noticed what?” Maddy asked, hiding a yawn behind her hand. She was exhausted from the day’s events, the celebratory (and extravagant) meal and party that had followed the ceremony, and dearly wished that someone had thought to schedule a nap in between all of the festivities so she could stay awake, not wanting this day to ever end.

Without a doubt, this was one of the happiest days of her life, Maddy thought blissfully.

Jamie threw her a wicked smile as he toed off his boots. “That you vowed to love, honor and obey, and that I also vowed to love, honor and obey.”

Maddy grinned in reply. “Yes, I notice that Fitz didn’t add ‘obey’ to his vows when it was his turn to say them.”

“And yet, I had to,” Jamie said, sitting on the side of the bed and taking Maddy’s hand in his, kissing it lightly. “I vowed to obey you.”

“In any way I choose?” Maddy asked, arching an eyebrow teasingly.

“I suppose it depends,” Jamie hedged with a grin, noting the wicked expression on her pixyish features.
“If I tell you to go and get me a cup of chocolate from the kitchen downstairs, will you obey?” she asked, resting their linked hands on her stomach and tugging Jamie onto the bed. He stretched his long frame beside her, and she snuggled into his shoulder happily, Jamie’s arms immediately wrapping possessively around her.

“No,” Jamie said evenly, though with a tender smile for her. “I don’t believe I will. Not tonight, anyway. Perhaps tomorrow. Tonight, though, I would hope you have other things on your mind than chocolate.”

“You don’t know what I was planning to do with the chocolate, my lord,” Maddy shot back, and Jamie raised his head from the pillow, giving her a small, shocked expression that made her laugh.

“In that case…” Jamie made to move off the bed, and Maddy pulled him back towards her, laughing.
“How about if I tell you I don’t want you to go shooting next week,” Maddy said, her eyes closing as she breathed in Jamie’s scent from the crook in his neck.

“I suppose I would ask why you don’t want me to go before I decide whether or not to obey,” Jamie said, his arms holding her closely, his lips pressed to her temple.

“Because I don’t want you to be apart from me, for even a minute,” Maddy said honestly. “The thought of us being apart right now is almost physically painful. Isn’t that silly?” she asked, suddenly feeling a bit embarrassed by the conviction of her feelings that they always remain together, though she knew that was an unreasonable expectation.

“I don’t think it’s silly in the least,” Jamie said, dropping a kiss on to the top of her head. “Because right now, I’m not keen on the idea of being away from you either, my wife. In fact, I have to go to London in a fortnight’s time, and I’ve already arranged for a larger home in Town, a larger carriage, and for you to accompany me, so that I might introduce you to all of society as my new bride.”

Maddy stiffened slightly and Jamie noted the tenseness of her muscles and sought to soothe her. “Everyone will love you. And believe me, when they know you are my wife, they will make no mistake in ever thinking you are less than you are. You are a gentleman’s daughter. You are the wife of an earl. You are the Countess Carrington. And they will absolutely love you, as I do.”

Maddy smiled at the tenderness in his words, though she was suddenly jolted to hear her new title. She thought of herself as Jamie’s wife, not as ‘The Countess Carrington’.

She knew she would get used to her new title it in time, but right now, she was perfectly contented just to be Jamie and Maddy, the happy couple.

“As long as you are by my side, I will be happy to join you there,” Maddy said contentedly. “And as long as I can check out those exemplary dancing skills of yours while we are no doubt attending glittering parties and balls.”

“In that, I promise to obey,” Jamie said with a smile in his voice.

Maddy bit her lip, suddenly feeling wicked and not the least bit tired, now that she and her new husband were all alone and in private.

“I’m glad to hear it,” Maddy said blissfully, running her hand up and down Jamie’s strong chest through his shirt, reveling in the feel of his muscles under his fingers.

“Any other things in which I need to obey?” Jamie asked lazily, and Maddy grinned to herself, knowing just the request he should fulfill.

“Do you remember that night in Lord Fitzhugh’s rooms when you promised to be my prisoner?” Maddy asked devilishly, and heard the answering rumble of laughter in Jamie’s chest beneath her ear.

“I remember every detail of that night exceeding well, my wife. Why do you mention it?”Jamie asked, a question in his voice.

“Because I believe it’s time for me to cash in on being your ward and you being my prisoner,” Maddy said, sitting up and disentangling herself from Jamie.

“Oh?” Jamie said, raising an eyebrow, watching her carefully.

“Yes,” Maddy said, throwing her hair over her shoulder. “And you can start by undressing me.”

Jamie sat up as well, smiling broadly as he began to unbutton the back of Maddy’s wedding gown, pressing a kiss to each inch of skin as it was exposed to him. Finally, Maddy got up off the bed and shimmied out of the dress, allowing it to pool at her feet, enjoying Jamie’s shocked gaze as he studied her up and down, noting her lacy under things, which left exceedingly little to the imagination.

“You mean to tell me you’ve been wearing that underneath your wedding dress all day?” He asked hoarsely, drinking her in. “It’s probably best I didn’t know that, or I would have had to skip the party altogether just to get my hands on you.”

Maddy laughed, and then put on her serious face. “Now, undress for me,” she said, her tone commanding, and Jamie slid off the bed, his hands flying up to his shirt buttons. Maddy perched on the bed and watched as Jamie’s tanned, smooth skin came into view, his muscles bunching with each movement he made, until he stood before her, as rapturous as a Greek statue of a god.

“Sit,” Maddy said, standing up and pointing to the bed.

Jamie sat, a smile still on his face as he watched her take on the mantle of control.

She leaned over and picked up his cravat from the side table, running the silk through her fingers slowly. “I believe I have the perfect way to use this, my husband,” she said.

She leaned over, smacking away Jamie’s hands from where they had reached up to grab her hips in his struggle to pull her closer. With a bark of a laugh, he did as he was told and dropped his hands to his sides, waiting.

Maddy leaned over again and deftly tied the cravat around Jamie’s eyes, plunging him into darkness. She straightened, and then gently pushed Jamie back onto the bed, not even bothering to hide her smile now.
“Are you my obedient earl?” She whispered in his ear, her hair trailing across his chest, raising goose bumps up and down his body.

“In every way, my lady,” Jamie said, his voice eager and husky.

“Good,” Maddy said, a smile in her voice. “In that case, I’d like you to undress me.”

“My lady?” Jamie said, seeking further instruction.

“Undress me. By touch. No peeking, my husband,” Maddy said, enjoying the torment of pleasure on Jamie’s face.

“I won’t peek, my lady,” Jamie said, already sitting up and reaching for her.

“Oh, and just one more thing,” Maddy said, dancing away from him.

“And what’s that?” Jamie asked.

“I want you to do it with your teeth.”

“Your wish is my command, my lady,” Jamie said, smiling at his wife with total obedience.

50008/50000

Chapter Thirty-Four

2009-11-29T19:09:00.000-08:00

“I’m so nervous, I could faint,” Rose said, her voice faint and thready as she paced from one end of the room to the other, careful not to snag her dress on the furniture or her shoes. “Aren’t you nervous? You don’t look nervous. Why don’t you look nervous?” Rose asked, her voice increasing in volume and octaves as she quizzed Maddy, who was sitting calmly on a nearby couch, examining her nails with detached interest.

“I don’t know,” Maddy said with a small shrug. “I’m just… not.”

“So what’s your secret, then?” Rose demanded, flopping down beside her, and then springing back up again as though she were a Jack in the box.

Maddy laid a comforting hand on her friend’s arm, stilling her panicky movements. “If you keep flitting around like that, you are going to make me nervous!” she said with a laugh. “I thought you would be excited, but not nervous.”

“I know, I thought that as well, but… here I am, nervous,” Rose said, pressing a hand to the butterflies in her stomach as though she could push them away physically. “And you aren’t,” she added, accusingly.

“I suppose I’m not nervous because I know this is exactly the way things should be,” Maddy said with a smile, thinking of Jamie, who was in another room, probably looking at his own nails with detached interest, she thought with a private chuckle. “I’ve dreamed of this for so long, and now that it’s here, I’m just… happy. Calm. Excited. Not nervous.”

“Well, I never dreamed this day would come, so apparently I’m a nervous wreck!” Rose exclaimed, striding over the mirror again and examining herself with a critical eye.

“Having you here also makes me happy, calm and excited,” Maddy said, and Rose whirled around, smiling at her best friend.

“Oh, Maddy, if you weren’t here, I would be ten times more nervous, I’m sure of it!” Rose wailed, turning back to the mirror again.

Maddy stood up and crossed the room to stand beside her friend, linking her arm around her waist and giving her a small squeeze, smiling at their twin reflections in the mirror, and then smiling more widely when Rose gave her a brave grin in return. “You look absolutely beautiful, my dearest friend,” Maddy said with affection for her best friend.

Rose kissed Maddy’s cheek. “You look a vision yourself, Maddy. Truly.”

Both women were framed in the mirror, gorgeously outfitted in white wedding gowns, their hair carefully done and their faces rosy with excitement and anticipation.

Maddy had waited a few days to tell Fitz of her impending marriage to Jamie, but when he strode into the parlor one morning and announced that Rose had agreed to become his wife, she knew the timing would never be better.

Though Fitz was initially skeptical of the match – and of Jamie’s devotion to her – he became increasingly supportive when he saw how perfectly elated Maddy was, the glow finally returning to her features, which had been missing for entirely too long.

Plus, Jamie and Fitz had had a long, long conversation that evening over a brandy, and Maddy assumed that Jamie had told Fitz of his devotion to her, and after that night, Fitz had been well on board with her marriage plans.

Once Rose and Maddy had shared their happy news with the other, it seemed only natural and fitting to join their families all together in a double wedding, put together over the ensuing weeks.

Now that the day was here, Maddy was eager to start her life as Mrs. Carrington, while Rose seemed eager not to throw up before the ceremony.

The door opened and both women whirled around, afraid it was one of the future grooms, and sighed in relief when Billings stepped in gingerly. “My ladies, the church is filled to capacity, the priest is in position and ready to begin, and the grooms are eager to see their brides. Might I suggest you make your way to the chapel?” Billings said, holding the door open wider for them both and giving them a deep bow.

Carefully picking up their bouquets, the girls linked arms again and walked towards the small chapel where they were to be married, both grinning in delight and anticipation, all butterflies suddenly gone, it would seem.

Maddy took a deep breath just before the door opened, glancing down at the beautiful diamond ring that sparkled on her finger, a surprise she was not expecting when Jamie had slid it on her finger the day after his proposal. He confessed that he had bought it in London, intending to make her his wife no matter what, though even he admitted the… passionate circumstances of his proposal were unusual, which made them both laugh at the memory of it.

As the door to the chapel finally creaked open, and her eyes immediately went to Jamie, who stood tall and handsome at the front of the church, his suit cut and fitting perfectly, his hair slicked back, his blue eyes shining with eagerness and delight as he looked around the room at their assembled friends and family.

When he saw her, though, his smile faded for just a moment and his jaw dropped slightly, which Maddy took to be a good sign. She and Rose walked up the aisle, taking their places beside Fitz and Jamie, everyone giving each other reassuring smiles.

Jamie leaned over to whisper to her, only loud enough for her to hear. “You look absolutely more beautiful than I have ever seen you, Mrs. Carrington.”

Maddy smiled at him, pleased by the compliment, but still wanting to rattle his cage a bit. “I’m not Mrs. Carrington yet. I could still bolt, you know.”

“You could,” Jamie agreed. “But you know I would chase you to the ends of the earth and throw you over my shoulder and bring you back, don’t you?” he said with a wink, making Maddy giggle slightly at the vision of her wedding dress draped over his shoulder, her bouncing along as he took her captive and hauled her back to the chapel to make her his.

“Then by all means, Lord Carrington, let us proceed,” she whispered in reply, and as the priest cleared his throat, the two happy couples turned towards the nave in preparation of reciting their vows of marriage.

48564/5000

Chapter Thirty-Three

2009-11-29T19:07:00.000-08:00

Jamie and Maddy remained pressed together for several long minutes, kissing lovingly, murmuring affections to each other. After a few minutes, though, Maddy could feel Jamie’s desire stirring against her belly as their kisses became more ardent, more insistent, more passionate.

With a shaky laugh, she pulled herself away from his embrace, noting his heightened breathing and cheeks that were as suffused with red as her own were.

“We should return to the party before we are missed,” she said, drawing in a deep breath and forcing a smile. “It wouldn’t be proper for us to have disappeared unescorted.”

Jamie looked at her and raised a lazy eyebrow. “My god, we don’t want to be improper.”

She grinned at his sardonic tone, and pressed a hand to her temple, brushing back a lock of hair that had come undone under the pressure of his kissing her. “Jamie, we have to go back to the party,” she said, firmer now, seeing the suddenly predatory expression in his eyes. “Fitz will notice I’ve gone. And every lady in the room will notice that you’ve gone.”

“Fitz only has eyes for Rose tonight, and I only have eyes for you, and all the other women can mind their own business,” Jamie said huskily. “I came back from London early to see you, and I’ve been dreaming about being with you again since the last time we were… together,” he said with a wicked smile.

She couldn’t help but smile in return at his implication. “What do you suggest? We make love in Lord Fitzhugh’s spare room?”

Jamie raised that damned eyebrow again, and Maddy paled slightly. “Jamie, no. We can’t.”

“We can. And we will,” he added, his voice deep and full of promise.

“I’ll scream,” she said without conviction.

“I’ll stop you,” he said, sounding almost bored.

“I’ll run away,” she tried again, enjoying the game between them.

“Not if I keep you my prisoner here,” Jamie shot back and she laughed out loud, delighted by the prospect of having Jamie whisk her away, away from everything to a place where only the two of them existed – a plan that definitely had appeal to her. “Unless, of course, you are no longer interested in me, my lady.”

“Definitely not,” she said with a straight face, and he advanced a step, closing in on her. “I find you vile and unwholesome.”

“Oh?” he asked, taunting her. “Would you like me to show you just have depraved I am?”

“Absolutely not,” Maddy said, backing up a step and bumping into the wall behind her.

“I didn’t think you would,” Jamie said evenly, pouncing forward and pressing himself against her again, crushing his mouth to hers insistently even as he tried to push him away with her hands against his chest, feeling the speedy thrum of his heart beneath them. She squeaked out a half hearted protest, even as he captured the hands she was about to beat against his chest again and yanked them firmly up above her head, pinning her in place.

She struggled for breath until he finally released her mouth, only to begin assaulting the pulse in her neck, making her groan at the touch of his lips against that tender skin. Keeping her hands above her head, he switched until he was only holding them with one hand, so that his other could roam down, starting at the notch in her throat and ending as he clutched a breast, hard, through the silk of her gown.

She writhed against him, shifting her hips forward to rub her body against his erection, making him growl against her throat. “You are definitely my prisoner now,” he whispered, and she shivered at his husky tone. “And prisoners must do as their captors say.”

“I have only one thing to say, my lord,” Maddy said breathily, her eyes fluttering closed. “What goes around comes around. I may be your prisoner now, but believe me when I tell you that you will be my prisoner soon enough, and that I will return it back to you threefold.”

“Promise?” he asked, lifting his head to meet her eyes hungrily.

“Oh, absolutely,” she said with a wry grin as she opened her eyes again. “Absolutely, my lord.”

“In that case…” Jamie trailed off as he squeezed her breast again, kneading her pebbly nipple beneath the thin fabric, making her arch her back as the pad of his thumb stroked against the raised skin. He repeated the movement with the other breast, then with a growl of frustration, tugged at the neckline until it shifted down beneath her breasts, framing them for his enjoyment. The dim light made her skin look milky like moonlight, and he lowered his mouth to her arched breast, suckling at her nipple, and then biting down with his teeth, making her entire body tense with the sheer pleasure of it.

She could suddenly see the appeal of his dark secret – finding herself completely at his will, at his mercy, and being bound up and made to please him was strangely erotic, dangerous and satisfying – not to mention the sheer fear of discovery by someone else in the house. She was sure she could feel every nerve ending in her body screaming for his touch, and for release, despite the danger of their being discovered.

She hoped his torture wouldn’t last too long, and that it would last forever, she thought in the same breath.
Even as he teased her nipples, his hand slid down her side, down to her quivering thigh, where she could feel him ruching up the fabric of her gown carelessly, his fingers trailing along her bare skin in its wake.

She gasped as his fingers slid inward, tracing the line of her folds through her thin panties, even as he bit down on her nipple again, making her cry out at the fireworks of sensation it wrought through her body.

“It seems you missed me too, my lady,” Jamie murmured against her skin, and she flushed anew at his words, and then as one finger slid slowly, so slowly inside the lace of her panties, seeking her soft skin beneath.
Her knees weakened, and she could feel him renew his grip on her hands to hold her upright, even as he continued to tease her womanhood mercilessly.

“Look at me,” he ordered suddenly, and she struggled to open her eyes against the sensation of his touch against her folds. “Look at me when I bring you, Maddy. I want to watch you,” he said huskily, and she finally opened her eyes and settled her unfocused eyes on his, biting back a scream as he slid a finger inside her, teasing her open for him. His finger slicked in and out, slowly at first, then building in speed, even as his eyes remained locked on hers, full of heat.

She felt her entire body tremble, felt her entire body screaming for release, and with a final flick at her clit and another finger slid deep inside her, she came apart in his arms, shuddering around him, though she did manage to keep her eyes on his throughout.

She did collapse then, and he used his body to prop her against the wall, her hands still trapped by his strong ones.

“Jesus Christ, that’s the most erotic thing I’ve ever seen,” Jamie whispered against her hair. “Watching you like that… watching your release…”

Maddy struggled for breath, glad for the solidness of his body holding her up against the wall. “I’m glad I please you, my lord,” she said shakily.

“You do,” he replied, then gave her a small smile. “Almost.”

“Al – almost?” She asked, suddenly worried that she hadn’t pleased him enough.

He grinned devilishly, and she could feel one of his hands drop, fumbling at the closure on his breeches, releasing himself from the prison of his clothes, and she understood what his ‘almost’ meant.

Still clasping her hands in his, he pushed aside the fabric of her gown and panties with his free hand, and shifting position slightly, buried himself inside her in one thrust, both of them crying out at the feel of him sheathed deep inside her.

Shifting his hips and bending his knees to accommodate his height against her lack thereof, he began a slow rhythm, obviously enjoying torturing her with his lack of speed, all the while building his anticipation of his own release.

He slicked in and out of her, increasing his speed until she thought she would truly die from the feeling of their bodies entwined together so intimately. Then, she could sense a change in his rhythm and knew he was close to his own release, his lips crashing into hers, his tongue taking possession of her mouth.

Faster and faster he thrust into her before he tumbled over the edge of passion, taking her with him, both of them shuddering and gasping for breath as they climaxed together.

Tenderly, he pressed a kiss to her temple, and then stepped away from her slightly, reclosing his breeches and then lowering her hands in his, kissing them each gently at the wrist where he could see the impression of his fingers bruising the tender skin.

“Depraved enough, my lady?” he asked sweetly, and she smiled at him affectionately.

“Absolutely not, my lord,” she replied, even as she stood on tiptoe to press her lips to his again.

He grinned, and took another step back, admiring her flushed cheeks and satisfied smile, her clothes and hair in disarray.

His little sprite looked absolutely well loved, he thought. And he wanted to remember this vision for the rest of his days.

“I do have one question, though,” he said, finally catching his breath.

“Yes?” Maddy asked, distracted as she tried to right her clothing again.

“I realize I’m vile and unwholesome…”

“Indeed,” she replied tartly, and he swatted her bottom playfully as she turned to unwrinkle the back of her skirt.

“And I know I have a terrible temperament, an obvious lack of wit, and am a sloth,” he continued, and she grinned, remembering her teasing of him during their walk in Bath so many weeks ago when they were becoming reacquainted, as he echoed the very words she had said at the time.

“Very much so,” she said, brushing her skirts again.

He took both her hands in his, stilling her movements, and forcing her to look up at him. “Despite all those faults, and the many more of mine you’ve learned of over the last few weeks…”

She looked up at him, puzzling by this line of questioning and character assassination.

“Despite that,” he said, drawing in a shaky breath. “I was hoping you might do me the honor of becoming my wife.” He paused, watching her carefully. “Marry me, Maddy. Marry me.”

Maddy’s jaw dropped open as she absorbed this earth shattering moment.

Lord Jamie Carrington, Earl of Wyrestone, wanted her for his wife.

Despite the impact on society, despite their differences in temperament, despite his secrets… he wanted her.

Forever.

“I… I don’t know what to say,” she whispered, absolutely taken aback.

“Say yes,” he prompted. “Say yes, Madeline.”

“Jamie… are you sure about this?” Maddy asked hesitantly. “I mean, are you really sure? I know we’ve talked and talked about what a poor match we are, and yet despite that, here you are, proposing marriage.”

“I’m sure,” he said firmly, and her heart melted slightly at the conviction in his tone.

“Jamie… I just… I don’t want you trapped into an unhappy marriage because of…” she gestured weakly between them, indicating their recent passion. “Simply because of our desire for each other.”

“I could never be unhappy with you, Maddy,” Jamie said softly. “Never. Never. Never. Please… say yes. Make me happy. Right now. I’ve never been more sure of anything in my life than I am of wanting you in my house, my bed, my heart – forever.”

“Oh Jamie…” she said, tears spilling down her cheeks even as she flung herself into his arms. “Yes. Yes! A million times yes!”

Jamie swung her up into his arms, twirling her in a circle before setting her gently back on the ground. “I believe that at this moment, I am the happiest man in England!” he said, a wide grin splitting his face.

And melting her heart for good.

47498/50000

Chapter Thirty-Two

2009-11-27T07:54:00.000-08:00

Maddy lagged behind in the doorway of Lord Fitzhugh’s enormous ballroom, the site of the final event of the Season in Bath, a lavish supper to be followed by lots of dancing and merriment, and everyone who was anyone in Bath was packed into the room, drinks in hand and laughter tinkling gaily on top of the musicians’ tunes playing in the corner.

Maddy watched as Fitz walked into the room in front of her, head held high, with Rose on his arm, their bodies close together, signaling to anyone watching that they were indeed a new couple. They greeted Lord and Lady Fitzhugh, and then made their way into the room, both smiling broadly, though mostly at each other.
At least they had a happy ending, she thought darkly, an image of Jamie brushing against her consciousness.

Maddy knew she couldn’t lurk in the doorway all night, despite her desire to, so she walked in as though she didn’t have a care in the world and greeted Lord and Lady Fitzhugh with a curtsy. She immediately walked to the other side of the room, saying hello to acquaintances as she passed but not stopping, and gave Lord Blakely a small wave from across the room, where he was surrounded by several adoring ladies, which made her smile. He winked at her, and raised his glass in salutation, and she suddenly knew that things were fine between them, despite her gentle rejection of his marriage proposal.

Maddy suddenly froze in place when her worst fear was realized: Jamie had just walked in through the doorway, Lady Drake hot on his heels, her hand clenching his arm possessively.

Seeing them together caused her physical pain, and before she could think, she had darted out of the doorway she stood near and into the dimly lit hallway beyond. She nearly ran down the hallway, pushing open the door of a room not being used for the party, and sucked in gulps of air, begging for the pain in her heart to go away.

She gasped in surprise and shock when the door blew open behind her, then struggled for breath anew when she realized Jamie had followed her into the room, slamming the door shut behind him, his eyes dark and searching.

Before she could speak, he pressed her against the wall wantonly, his lips capturing hers with great force, bruising her lips and cutting off her air. She pummeled his chest with her hands, squeaking for him to stop, even as he pressed his entire length against him, pinning her to the wall at her back.

After a long, soul searing kiss, his stepped back and looked at her with a wide grin. “God, I’ve been waiting for days and days to do that. Did you want to be chased? Why did you run away like that?”

Maddy looked at him in shock, her mouth agape. After a long moment, she regained her steely resolve and straightened her shoulders. “Perhaps so I wouldn’t get in the way of your new paramour, my lord,” she said icily, and Jamie stepped back as though she had physically struck him.

“My new what?” He roared, his eyes locked on hers in confusion. “What are you talking about, woman?”

Maddy swallowed thickly. “I understand you and Lady Drake have been having quite a time together in London. I didn’t want to get in the way of your dancing and carousing, my lord.”

“What…” Jamie stood stock still, absorbing the coolness of her words, her address. “We’re suddenly back to ‘my lord’?” He asked in disbelief. “And what the bloody hell are you talking about?”

“You and Lady Drake, my lord,” she said, putting emphasis on his title. “She’s quite the perfect match for you. I’m sure you’ll be very happy together.”

“This is madness,” Jamie hissed after a long moment. “I’m not with Lady Drake, not in the least. She needed an escort back to Bath, so I left early, skipping meetings that I really should be attending, just so I could come back and see you. I can’t breathe in London, and I can’t breathe without you.”

Maddy slumped against the wall at her back slightly, taken aback by his words. “Wh- what?”

“I came back for you,” Jamie said evenly. “You know I did.”

“I know nothing of the sort,” Maddy said tartly. “Only that you and Lady Drake have been attached at the hip since leaving Rotherham House.”

“Because she won’t leave me alone!” Jamie said, running a frustrated hand through his hair. “But I’m here for you, no one else. Didn’t you get my letter?”

“What letter?” Maddy asked, confused, and Jamie groaned in frustration.

“When I sent Fitz a letter, I also sent one for you. Telling you all the deliciously wicked things I want to do to you when we saw each other again, and to explain that Lady Drake is being a true pest and nuisance, but I didn’t want to risk damaging her reputation by slighting her in public. I’ve been putting on a false face of propriety, when all I’ve wanted for days was to avoid her and get back to you. You… you really didn’t get my letter?”

“I really didn’t,” Maddy whispered, suddenly ashamed by her previous words.

“So when I walked in with her, you thought… you thought…”

“I did,” Maddy said, nodding her head. “I thought what was between us was… was nothing more than a passing fancy. That you were with her now.”

“I only want you, Maddy,” Jamie said tenderly, reaching out to caress her cheek, and she couldn’t resist turning her face into his loving touch.

“But I’m wrong for you, Jamie,” she said softly. “You must know that. My position in society, my lack of wealth compared to yours…”

“I don’t care,” Jamie said shortly.

“Lady Drake would make a fine match for you. Truly,” Maddy said, though it pained her to do so.

“I don’t love her. I love you,” Jamie said evenly, and Maddy’s heart clenched at his words – the words she had been dying to hear again.

“She the best match for you,” Maddy whispered, though he voice suddenly lost all its previous resolve.

Jamie took a step forward, closing the distance between them, until his body was mere inches from hers, and Maddy longed to press the length of her body against the length of his, to feel his strong arms wrapping her up against him and holding her close. “She is,” she repeated wanly.

“I’ve never done what’s best for me, Maddy. The best thing I’ve ever done was serve my country, and then come home to fall in love with the best lady I know. And that’s you, Maddy, no one else. You are my heart.”
Instead of replying, she flung herself into his arms, and he staggered back with a small laugh as he caught her in his arms, pulling her firmly against him, pressing his lips to her temple. “You are my heart,” he whispered again, and whatever ice was still around her heart melted entirely. “I love you.”

“I love you,” she echoed simply, tilting her face up to meet his gaze, then to accept his kiss – the sweetest, most tender kiss she could imagine.

45429/50000

Chapter Thirty-One

2009-11-27T05:56:00.000-08:00

Maddy took a sip of her tea, peering over the top of her china cup at her brother, who was spreading orange marmalade on a crumpet with entirely too wide a smile on his face.

“You seem quite happy this morning,” she observed, hiding her smile by taking another sip.

Fitz jumped as though he’d forgotten she was even in the room. “Oh. Yes. It is a nice morning,” he said, still smiling like a fool.

“You seem to be in a happy mood,” Maddy continued teasingly. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain best friend of mine, would it?” she asked, and Fitz finally laughed out loud.

“Oh Maddy…” Fitz said happily. “It’s like… it’s like everything is falling into place. I’ve always cared so much for Rose, and then to know she feels the same way – it’s like everything happened at just the right time. And if it hadn’t been for that note in my pocket she left, I might never have known how she felt, and would never have taken the initiative to find out, for fear of coming between you two, or having it be awkward every time we saw each other, which is often.”

Maddy felt a burst of satisfaction that her match making notes had hit their mark, and now her two favorite people were finally together and happy. “I’m truly glad for you, Fitz. I couldn’t be more pleased that you and Rose have found each other. I imagine she’s over the moon as well.”

“I can’t wait to walk into the ball tonight with her on my arm,” Fitz replied. “She makes me laugh, she makes me happy, and knowing that you already approve of her seals the deal, as it were. Now, we just have to find you a match that would make you equally happy, don’t we?”

Maddy bit her lip, considering. She hadn’t yet told her brother of Lord Blakely’s proposal the day before, or of her refusal of it. She wasn’t sure it was even worth bringing up, knowing how disappointed Fitz would be, and how disapproving he would be that she was hanging her heart on Jamie instead. Though she knew there as a chance Lord Blakely would mention his proposal to Fitz, she had a feeling that he would respect her decision and let it lie, rather than going to Fitz so that he could apply pressure to Maddy to accept.

Lord Blakely was just the sort of man who would respect a woman’s wishes and continue on as though it had never happened, another reason Maddy liked him so.

And thus, she just wasn’t going to tell Fitz of the previous day’s proposal – it was her secret.

“A letter has arrived for you, sir,” Billings said, interrupting them both as he slipped into the room quietly. He handed Fitz the heavy envelope and disappeared back through the doorway like a ghost. Fitz lay aside his crumpet and carefully slit open the letter with his knife. Maddy continued to sip silently as Fitz read, waiting to see if it was another love note from Rose – only from her own hand this time, rather than Maddy’s, she thought happily.

“It’s from Carrington,” Fitz said at length, and Maddy straightened in her chair, eager to know what he had written. Perhaps he was asking Fitz’s permission to propose to Maddy…

“He says he’s not sure if he’ll be back in Bath in time for the ball this evening,” Fitz said, reading aloud. “Apparently, he’s sick of dances and balls – Lady Amelia Drake has dragged him to about twenty since he returned to Town.”

Maddy felt her stomach drop at his recitation of Jamie’s words, a sudden vision of Lady Amelia and Jamie dancing together twisting her belly. “Lady Drake? I didn’t realize she had gone to London with Jamie.”

Fitz nodded absently. “Yes, apparently, they have been spending a lot of time together, in between Jamie’s business and meetings. He hopes to return here, but isn’t sure when. He wants to know if I want to go shooting in the south when he does return. That sounds jolly good,” Fitz said, folding the letter carefully and sliding it back in the envelope. “Oh, and he told me to give you his best regards.”

Maddy wanted to cry.

His best regards?!

Where was his declaration of love? Where was his asking Fitz for permission to marry her? And why in the name of all that was holy was he spending every spare minute in London with Lady Amelia Drake?!

“I’m glad he is well,” Maddy managed to choke out. “Will you excuse me? I believe I’m done,” Maddy said, pushing back from the table so quickly that all the china danced on the tabletop, nearly toppling over. Fitz merely nodded, unaware of her dark feelings as she flew out of the room and upstairs, willing herself not to cry before reaching the privacy of her own chambers.

She stepped into her room and closed the door quietly, then flung herself onto the bed, burying her face in her pillow, forcing herself not to cry.

No man was worth her tears now, not even Lord Jamie Carrington, Earl of Wyrestone.

She rolled over after a long minute and stared at the ceiling, mulling things over.

Everything was wrong, she decided.

Rose and Fitz, that was fine. Happy news, even.

But Jamie and Lady Drake? In London? With her stuck in Bath?

That was not fine.

She knew that entrusting her heart to Jamie was taking a chance, but she didn’t have a choice – she had vowed to follow her heart, rather than her head, and now it was turning out to be the worst decision she would make.

Christ, she’d even turned down a proposal from a perfectly nice gentleman on the apparently false belief that she and Jamie were destined to be together.

Now, she wondered if what they had shared at Rotherham House had just been a passing fancy for Jamie, a way to satisfy his sexual urges and get what he wanted – dark sexual passion, as it were – with someone he trusted from childhood.

My god, she was a fool, she thought darkly.

She was just his sexual plaything. Maybe he didn’t love her after all.

But those few hours they had spent in bed together had meant more to her than a lifetime of lukewarm lovemaking ever could. Better to have had a few hours of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

She just had to accept the fact that perhaps nothing would come of their coupling after all.

She had long ago decided that she would rather be a spinster for the rest of her days than to marry someone just to secure her financial peace, and now it seemed that decision had come to pass.

With a shake of her head, Maddy decided she was done. Done with match making, done with waiting for Jamie, done with hoping a man would make everything right in her world.

A spinster’s life it was, she decided.

What other choice did she have at this point?

44213/5000

Chapter Thirty

2009-11-26T05:53:00.000-08:00

“There’s a gentleman here to see you, my lady,” Billings said from the doorway of the parlor, interrupting Maddy’s private reverie.

She put down the piece of needlework she’d been holding for the last twenty minutes and straightened in her seat, her heart jolting. Perhaps Jamie had finally returned from London, Maddy thought, her heart lurching. “Who is it, Billings?” she asked evenly.

“A Lord Blakely, my lady. Shall I show him in?” Billings asked.

Maddy swallowed her pang of disappointment and nodded. “Yes, please do.”

A few moments later, Billings ushered Lord Blakely into the parlor, and Maddy stood, bobbing a curtsy in return to Lord Blakely’s bow as Billings closed the door behind them.

“My lady, you look lovely this afternoon,” Lord Blakely said, crossing the room to kiss her hand.

“Thank you, my lord,” Maddy said with an easy smile, gesturing for him to take a seat. “You look dashing, as always,” she said, returning the favor.

Lord Blakely flicked back his coat and sat easily beside her on the chaise. “I enjoyed seeing you all at the Pump Room last night. It’s so nice to have friendly faces in the midst of all that madness.”

“The Marriage Mart madness, my lord?” Maddy asked teasingly. “I noticed quite a few of the ladies turning their attention to you last night.”

Lord Blakely sighed slightly. “Makes me feel a bit like a side of beef,” he confessed conspiratorially, and Maddy laughed.

“I would think that flattering, my lord,” Maddy said with a grin. “Better that than to be sized up as nothing but stew meat and cast aside.”

Lord Blakely laughed. “True enough,” he said, glancing around the parlor. “Is your brother not at home today?”

“No, he and Lady Rivenhall have gone for a carriage ride,” Maddy said, not even trying to hide her glee at the newest development. After their getting of ‘fresh air’ last night, Fitz and Rose had returned, both flushed and smiling, and had spent the rest of the night as only each other’s dance partners, much to Maddy’s delight. Though Maddy hadn’t had a chance to speak further to Rose, as they were leaving, Rose had squeezed her hands tightly, kissed her cheek, and whispered, “Oh Maddy, thank you. I’m so very, very happy! I wish everyone could feel how I feel right now!”

Which Maddy took to me a very good sign indeed. And then, when Fitz had come down earlier today, he had asked Maddy for help in tying his cravat, aggravated that it didn’t look exactly perfect, his hands shaking slightly as he fought with it. When Maddy had inquired who he was trying to impress, he’d smiled broadly and said nothing.

Until he had called for the carriage so that he and Miss Rivenhall might take a ride through town.

Maddy had wanted to dance in joy at that, and shooed him out of the house, not wanting him to be late for his engagement with what she hoped would very soon be her new sister-in-law.

Lord Blakely raised one eyebrow upon hearing Fitz and Rose were out together, without an escort. “Is there a connection there? I’d often wondered at Rotherham House if they were fond of each other, from the way they interacted, but both were so shy about admitting it to the other, I wasn’t sure…”

“I think they received a bit of a push from an outside source, and now things are just as they should be,” Maddy said smugly, and Lord Blakely laughed.

“An ‘outside source’, you say?” He grinned. “You wouldn’t be playing the role of match maker in this little scenario, would you?”

“I admit nothing,” Maddy said, smiling.

Lord Blakely cleared his throat and shifted in his seat. “In that case, I was hoping you might take on another match making effort.”

Maddy grinned. “My services may be available. Who are you interested in being matched with, my lord?”

Lord Blakely watched her for a long moment, and then spoke. “You, my lady.”

Maddy’s eyes widened, and she sat back in her seat uncomfortably. “I… my lord, I…”

“You must know that I’ve most enjoyed your company, and find you a lovely partner – in all things. Conversation, dancing, and I hope, our lives. Will you do me the honor of being my wife?”

Maddy bit her lip, suddenly torn at his sweet, charming proposal. Though Rose and Fitz had told her of Lord Blakely’s affections, she hadn’t truly believed it, and now here he was, proposing a marriage between them.

Fitz’s words echoed in her head – that Lord Blakely was a better match, that she had to do what was best for the family, and just as quickly, she heard Jamie’s voice flitting through her mind as he told her he loved her, again and again, as they made love.

“I…” Maddy cleared her throat. “My lord, you do me great honor with your proposal,” she said, stalling for time.

Lord Blakely gave her a small, shy smile. “But?”

Maddy looked down at her hands, upset with herself at having to let down this perfectly decent, perfectly handsome, perfectly nice man, but she knew with every fiber of her being that she had to follow her heart.
Never again would she do anything less.

“But…” Maddy repeated softly. “Lord Blakely, you are truly one of the best men I have ever been acquainted with. I have so enjoyed our time getting to know each other, and I know in my heart that you deserve to be happy. But equally so, I have vowed that I will be happy as well. Having said that, it wouldn’t be fair to you to accept your proposal – though it does me great honor – when my heart belongs to another. I don’t say this to hurt you, but because I think you deserve, and expect, honesty. I truly like and respect you, my lord, but my feelings… my feelings do not match yours, though it pains me to admit it. Truly, it does.”

Lord Blakely nodded slowly, absorbing her speech. “It’s Carrington, isn’t it?” he asked softly, and Maddy wanted to sob at the tenderness of his acceptance of her feelings for another.

“It is,” she whispered. “I cannot help who I…”

“One cannot help who they love,” Lord Blakely finished for her. “And judging from what I saw at the house party, he is truly enamored with you as well. But I wouldn’t be able to respect myself if I didn’t try to win you hand. You are a truly remarkable lady, and I have enjoyed every minute we have spent together.”

A tear spilled down Maddy’s cheek and she whisked it away impatiently. “I don’t deserve such honor and affection from you, and the last thing I want to do is hurt you, because I truly do like you, my lord, but our hearts simply don’t listen to our heads, do they?”

“Indeed not,” Lord Blakely said, taking her hand in his. “Please, don’t distress yourself. As I said, I had to try, but I respect anyone willing to trust their hearts rather than their heads. There’s not enough of that in society today, is there?”

She shook her head slowly. “But, Lord Blakely, I promise… I will do everything to find you a good and happy wife. I’ve already had some match making success…”

Lord Blakely laughed good naturedly. “Good enough. Find me a good wife, and perhaps I’ll forgive you for breaking my heart.”

Maddy looked up at him, aghast, then saw the teasing glint in his eye, and relaxed. “I’ll do my best, my lord, I promise. One perfect wife, coming up.”

A few minutes later, Lord Blakely stood and bowed to her respectfully and she curtsied in return, and with another sweet kiss on her hand, took his leave of her with a tender smile. Billings saw him out, and Maddy sank back down onto the chaise, her head swirling with what had just transpired.

It had been an interesting day indeed, she thought, suddenly exhausted.

Though she knew Fitz would be angry to know she had turned down a proposal from what he (and Rose as well) considered a perfect match for her, she knew she had made the right decision.

After her first disastrous marriage, she would never compromise her heart again – that she had promised herself with steely resolve.

And her heart lay with Jamie – her warn torn, teasing, tender lover who trusted her with his secrets – and his passion.

She thought again of their lovemaking, of the way he made her feel with just one look, and knew without a doubt she had made the right decision.

Now, she just had to deal with the consequences of it – something she was more than willing to do for love.

She just wished she had reassurance from Jamie in London that she had made the right decision – for both of them. She hadn’t heard from him once, and thought she trusted him implicitly, it was hard not hearing from him even once since their parting.

Picking up her needlework again, Maddy struggled to concentrate on the threads in front of her, when all she could think of were the threads binding her and Jamie together.

Hopefully forever.

43021/50000

Chapter Twenty-Nine

2009-11-25T05:25:00.000-08:00

Rose, Maddy, Lord Blakely and Fitz are seated at a table in the Pump Room, everyone tapping their foot to the music playing around them. The Season was in full swing with only a few days left, and the room was packed with everyone in their finery, eyes darting around, searching for the next dance partner – or marriage partner.

Maddy and Lord Blakely had just returned from a spirited dance, and Maddy fought not to gulp her drink in an effort to cool off.

Lord Blakely had been very attentive to her this evening, and every time he took her arm or smiled her way, Fitz gave her a pointed look, which she strove to ignore entirely, forcing a smile instead, though her thoughts were never far from Jamie.

“I believe I’m going to go to the ladies room to freshen up,” Rose said after a pause in their conversation. “Maddy?”

“Why do women always have to go to the ladies room en masse?” Lord Blakely asked with a grin.

“Where else can we talk about the gentlemen in the room in privacy?” Maddy shot back with a smile, and Blakely laughed.

“I do hope you only say good, polite things,” Blakely shot back.

“Absolutely, my lord. We wouldn’t dream of being disparaging,” Maddy said with a laugh as she and Rose stood and fought their way across the crowded floor to the ladies room.

Maddy sat on a nearby chaise as Rose dug into her reticule, searching for her lip color, and then squeaked in surprise. “What’s this?” she asked, pulling out a small folded piece of paper that Maddy recognized immediately. She fought not to smile broadly as Rose unfolded it, read it, and then read it again, her cheeks flushing.

“What is it?” Maddy asked evenly, and Rose held it out with a shaking hand.

Maddy skimmed her own words, and then handed it back to Rose. “You seem to have a secret admirer!”
“Who is it?” Rose demanded shakily.

“Well, if I knew, it wouldn’t be secret,” Maddy said, laughing. “Who do you suppose it is?” she paused, and then continued. “Or who do you hope it is?”

Rose gave her best friend a considering look. “You know who I wish it was,” Rose said softly. “But I’m sure Fitz doesn’t… he wouldn’t… he’s given no indication of his intentions towards me.”

“Maybe he’s too shy to,” Maddy said. “Maybe he is afraid of being rejected, and this is his way to ‘test the waters’, as it were.”

“Do you really think so?” Rose asked, her voice full of hope.

Maddy shrugged. “Truly, I don’t know, but I hope so, for you.”

“I’m too scared to ask him, though,” Rose said. “What if it wasn’t from him? What if it’s someone else entirely, and I ask Fitz about it? I’d die of embarrassment if he didn’t know a thing about it.”

“But how will you know for sure his feelings unless you ask him?” Maddy said, trying to give her friend a nudge.

“I’m scared, Maddy,” Rose said quietly. “I like your brother so much, and if he rejected me… I’d be absolutely horrified.”

“I think you should try,” Maddy said. “If you don’t go after what you want, you may never know true happiness,” she added, speaking from her own, veiled experience.

“Speaking of secret admirers,” Rose said, carefully slipping the note back into her bag. “I think you’ve got a not-so-secret admirer yourself?”

Maddy kept her face impassive. “And who might that be?”

“Lord Blakely, of course,” Rose said, exasperated. “You can’t tell me you haven’t noticed his attentions to you.”

Maddy sighed softly. “He seems very friendly towards me, of course, but…”

“But nothing,” Rose interrupted. “He is falling for you. And I think you’d be a fool not to return his affections. He’s a wonderful catch, and he’s a lovely man. I think you should put aside any old feelings you have for Lord Carrington and face up to the reality that it will never be as fine a match as with Lord Blakely.”

“Fitz said much the same thing to me the other day, but, oh, Rose… I so want, I so wish… I want to marry for love, not for security. Father paired me with Henry for security, and you know what a disastrous match that was. I vowed to remain single for all of my days than to let myself be matched up again just to secure my position and financial peace,” Maddy said pleadingly. “Lord Blakely is a fine man, and I really do like him, but I don’t… I don’t love him. Not like I love Jamie,” she said softly, and Rose started at Maddy’s use of his Christian name.

“You really love Lord Carrington? Are you sure it’s not just infatuation?” Rose asked, sitting beside her friend and taking her hand. “Are you really sure?”

Maddy nodded emphatically. “I’m really sure. I love him, Rose, and he loves me.”

“He told you?”

“He told me,” Maddy said happily. “I don’t want to hurt Fitz or defy him, but I have to follow my heart. I thought you of all people would understand that.”

Rose nodded slowly. “I do. I do understand, I just want you to be cared for. I don’t want Lord Carrington to break your heart, nor do I want you to end up alone for the rest of your life.”

“I’d rather be alone than without him,” Maddy said, her voice firm. “Truly.”

Rose watched her friend for a moment, hearing the steel in her voice, the conviction of her words, and knew that once Maddy set her mind to something, nothing was going to change it.

“As long as you’re sure…”

“I’m sure,” Maddy said. “I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

“Well, then, for your sake, I hope Lord Carrington returns to Bath quickly and sweeps you off your feet.”
“So do I,” Maddy said longingly. “So do I.”

A moment later, the ladies gave one last look at their appearances in the glass then returned to the large room, slowly making their way back to the gentlemen waiting for them. Suddenly, Rose grabbed Maddy’s arm, stopping her in her tracks. “What’s Fitz reading?” she hissed. “He has a note that looks just like mine! I recognize the stationery – it matches mine!”

Maddy reddened, and tried to keep her face impassive. “Um… I’m not sure,” she said, watching as Fitz flushed, then looked around the room, obviously searching for someone as he slid the note back into the pocket of his evening coat hurriedly.

“Maddy…” Rose’s voice held a warning, and she spun her friend around to face her. “Maddy?”

Maddy bit her lip and looked at her friend. “I don’t know a thing.”

“You were always a terrible liar!” Rose shot back. “You wrote the note! You gave us each a note, didn’t you?”

Maddy shook her head emphatically. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You little weasel…” Rose hissed, though she was smiling slightly.

Before Rose could castigate her further, Fitz sauntered up to them, almost tripping over his shoes. “Lady Rivenhall…” he cleared his throat, his voice suddenly squeaky. “Would you care to step outside for some fresh air? I find myself suddenly suffocating in here.”

“Yes… yes of course,” Rose stammered in reply, shooting Maddy a suddenly panicked look. “Let me just retrieve my wrap,” she said, spinning on her heel and practically darting away.

Fitz looked at Maddy for a moment, obviously unsure about asking her something. “Did… did you know that… does Rose like me?”

Maddy wanted to laugh at his impatient, childlike words, but kept her face smooth. “Do you like her?”

“Of course!” Fitz said quickly. “I’ve always liked her, but I thought she just looked at me as your big brother, but I just read a note, and I know it’s from her and suddenly it’s like the sun came out, and if she likes me, and I like her, and now I know how she feels, I might have a chance to…”

Maddy put a hand on his arm to stop the avalanche of words spilling from his mouth. “Darling brother, I believe you should have no worries about Rose’s affections for you. Now, go… ‘get some air’, as it were. Go!” she said, giving him a playful push towards the door where Rose waited, shifting from foot to foot.

Fitz gave her a wide smile, and then zipped across the room, taking Rose’s arm gently and both of them disappeared into the night quickly.

At least one thing had gone right this Season, Maddy thought with great personal satisfaction.

41471/50000

Chapter Twenty-Eight

2009-11-24T05:24:00.000-08:00

Maddy turned towards the window of the carriage, which was bumping along the road, kicking up a line of dust behind them. The day was cold and gray, matching her mood entirely too well.

She flicked her wrist up to brush a tear that was sliding down her cheek, hoping that Fitz and Rose wouldn’t notice it.

Everything had happened so fast, she thought, as the carriage carried them further and further away from Rotherham House.

The house party had drawn to a close the day before, and Fitz had made quick arrangements to have the three of them ferried back to Bath to finish out the Season there. Everyone else had gone hither and yon, back to Town or to their own estates, though at this moment, Jamie was bound for London to attend a meeting in the House of Lords – further away from Maddy than she could currently stand.

He had been preoccupied the day after their lovemaking sessions with a argument between two tenants that had flared up overnight, and though he gave Maddy many apologetic looks and murmured regrets, they were never able to be together privately again, instead having to settle for lingering looks over the luncheon table, and the occasion touch of their hands as they passed in the hallway, Cleary or another man always on Jamie’s heels.

And now, she was going back to Bath and the family home there and he to his home in London for God knew how long.

On top of that, Fitz had taken the opportunity during this seemingly endless carriage ride to extol the virtues of Lord Blakely to Maddy, giving her pointed looks as he spoke, though she paid him little attention, instead remembering the night before…

Maddy sighed as the landscape slid by.

She liked Lord Blakely – of course she did. He was charming, funny, attractive and kind. She hadn’t met anyone who didn’t like Lord Blakely. And to say he was well connected and in possession of a great fortune went without saying.

But he was no Lord Carrington – not to her.

Jamie set her blood boiling with one look.

She had always loved him.

They trusted each other more than she ever thought possible – that having been proven the night before in her bed chamber.

And he loved her, as she him.

As he had tenderly handed her into the carriage, he had pressed his lips to her hand and murmured something in French against her glove, too low for anyone else to hear.

“Je t’aime, ma cherie.”

I love you, my darling.

She ached to shout out her feelings in return, but instead gave him a small, sad smile and nodded once, acknowledging that she had heard and understood him.

He had apologized to all of them again for the abrupt end to their time together at Rotherham Haouse, and explained that he didn’t know when he would next be in Bath. And with that, the carriage had lurched away suddenly, and Maddy had watched him growing smaller and smaller until the carriage rounded the bend and he was out of sight entirely.

It was beyond frustrating, and her heart hurt at the thought of not seeing him for days… even weeks, or God knew how long.

And to have to wait that long to feel his hands on her skin, his lips against hers, his body moving against hers…

It made her want to cry in irritation and anger, stomp her foot like a little girl who wasn’t getting her way.
Now that she’d had his body, she wanted, needed, craved more.

Just… more.

She needed all of him, all the time.

Lord Blakely, on the other hand, had promised to be in Bath within the next two days, and asked if the ladies would be at the Pump Room the evening of his arrival, so that they might catch up, dance and be merry. Rose had readily agreed for both of them, and Lord Blakely had smiled, bowed, and leapt onto his horse and galloped down the lane with a jaunty wave.

A bump in the road nearly lifted Maddy from her seat and out of her reverie, and both she and Rose giggled as they tried to resettle themselves on the seat across from Fitz.

Maddy had made sure that Rose and Fitz sat directly opposite each other, though neither had truly taken the initiative to talk during the journey.

Perhaps a little match making would take her mind off Jamie, she mused, watching the landscape drift by.

###

Maddy was carefully printing a small note in the privacy of her bedroom, a match to the one she had already finished which was laying beside her quill. After their arrival that morning, she had unpacked, eaten lunch, taken a nap, and now found herself at loose ends, needing to find something to distract her from sitting and staring into space, daydreaming of Jamie.

It was time for a little matchmaking, she decided, and everyone liked to receive mail, did they not?

She had scuttled back to her room with parchment and ink, trying to decide what sort of notes to write in her self-declared role as matchmaker.

She planned to slip the notes to Rose and Fitz secretly, in the hopes they would suspect each other, meet up, and tumble into each other’s arms, falling madly in love.

That was her plan, anyway, Maddy thought with a smile.

She finished the last line, and then set down her quill, examining her work.

For the note Fitz was to receive, she had written:

Long have I admired you, and I hope this delicate flower may soon be a part of your garden.

The delicate flower being Rose, of course.

For the note Rose was to receive, she had written:

For nothing this wide universe I call, save thou, my Rose, in it thou are my all.

Truly, one couldn’t go wrong with one of Master Shakespeare’s sonnets, particularly one that mentioned a rose – true, he didn’t capitalize in his great sonnet, but Maddy didn’t think he would mind a few liberties taken on her part for the sake of finding love.

She realized both were a bit heavy handed, but if someone didn’t give these two a push, who would?
She only hoped her match making plan didn’t backfire.

What else would she have to occupy her thoughts until she saw Jamie again?

She carefully crept down the stairs, feeling rather like a spy as she looked for both Rose and Fitz, tiptoeing through the tiled hallway and staying to the shadows, quite enjoying the game. Through an open doorway, she saw Rose reading a novel in the front room, looking quite engrossed, and then saw Fitz in his study, shuffling through paperwork, his brow wrinkled in concentration.

Quietly, she folded then slid the note intended for Fitz into the pocket of his evening coat, then scuttled across the hall and slipped the note intended for Rose into her reticule. She hoped they would both find them soon enough, and the rest would be history.

If not, she would have a lot of explaining to do, but what could be wrong with her wanting two of her favorite people in the world to get together? Rose had already betrayed – non verbally, but still – to Maddy that she was smitten with Fitz, and Fitz… well, Fitz was oblivious, but he wanted to find love as much as the next person, and with a little push, Rose would be his perfect match.

She knew Rose would never make the first move, as she believed herself not to be worthy of Fitz, as a viscount, but Maddy knew Fitz wouldn’t look at it that way.

Or so she thought, considering his push to put Maddy and Lord Blakely on the path to marriage, thinking more of securing her position in society than in her long term happiness, a happiness that only Jamie could provide to her.

Never mind, Maddy thought with a grin. Happiness trumps position in society – she truly believed that.
If this worked out between Fitz and Rose, Maddy would be ever so pleased.

At least then someone would have a happy ending, she thought, climbing the stairs again, the wind out of her sails as she again pictured Jamie fading out of sight around the bend of the lane. Maybe it was time for another nap, she mused as she opened her bedroom door, suddenly exhausted in body and spirit, and knowing she would have to be presentable and sparkling at the Pump Room later that evening.

Perhaps a nap would afford her the opportunity to dream again of Jamie.

40021/50000

Chapter Twenty-Seven

2009-11-22T19:16:00.000-08:00

“God, I’m starving,” Jamie said a short while later. Maddy had returned to the bedroom after a few minutes, her hair pulled back and her face freshly splashed with cool water. She had crawled under the sheets with Jamie, their roles suddenly reverting back to before. Her head lay pillowed on his chest, his arms wrapped around her, holding her close to him, their bodies touching from head to toe.

“I confess I am too,” Maddy said with a giggle. “I can’t imagine how we worked up such an appetite,” she teased, and felt his laugh rumble in his chest.

“No, nor can I,” Jamie agreed.

Maddy lay quietly for a moment, not daring to meet his eyes as she asked her question. “Was that what you wanted?”

She felt, rather than saw, his eager nod.

“Was it too far? Too much?”

She timidly raised her head, and saw him smiling softly down at her. “No. It was… perfect. But you didn’t have to do that, if you didn’t want to, you know.”

“I did want to.”

“Thank you,” Jamie whispered after she had tucked her head back against his chest, one of his hands cupping her head protectively. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome,” Maddy said softly in reply. “You’re welcome, Jamie.”

He sighed happily, and within minutes, both of them drifted into a satiated sleep.

###

“Get up!” Maddy hissed, shaking Jamie’s shoulder. “Get up!”

Jamie struggled to open his eyes sleepily, seeing Maddy’s panicked expression. “What? What is it? Unless there’s a fire or impending death, there’s no reason to be awake yet.”

“It’s morning!” Maddy said, leaping out of bed. “You can’t be found in my chambers. You have to go – now!”

Jamie slid his legs over the side of the bed and stood, stretching. Maddy paused to enjoy his nude profile, and then pushed his shoulder to get moving. “It’s my house… I think I should get to choose which bedroom I sleep in,” Jamie said, leaning over to retrieve his clothes.

“Very funny,” Maddy said softly. “You can sleep in this bedroom anytime you like – after my brother kills me for finding us in here together.”

Moments later, Jamie was dressed, his boots in his hand. Maddy was flying around the room like a whirling dervish, and he caught her arm as she zipped past him, stilling her for a moment. “I’m going, but I need one thing first.”

“What?” Maddy asked, exasperated.

“A kiss.”

Maddy’s expression softened at his tender request. “Alright, but then you have to go.” She stood on tiptoe, and Jamie leaned his long frame down until their lips met sweetly, and then she gave him another playful push. “Go. I’ll see you at breakfast.”

He captured her hand and pressed another kiss into her palm softly.

“That’s two kisses,” Maddy argued with a laugh.

“I’m a rogue, what can I say?” And with a wink, Jamie opened the door, looked both ways, and scuttled back to his own rooms.

###

“What are you doing?” Fitz’s voice startled Maddy from her reverie, and she turned to see him approaching her as she sat near the bank of one of Rotherham House’s small ponds.

“Just enjoying the view,” Maddy said evenly as Fitz flopped down beside her, tilting his face towards the thin sun peeking through the clouds. “How are you?”

“Tired,” Fitz replied. “I stayed up entirely too late and lost entirely too much money playing cards with some of the gentlemen last night.”

“Not our entire fortune, I hope,” Maddy quipped, and Fitz laughed.

“No, there are a few bob left,” he said easily, leaning back on his elbows and stretching out his legs. “I think.”

“Is something troubling you?” Maddy asked after silence stretched for a moment. “You’re not normally one for silence. I swear you talk to yourself when there is no one else to talk to.”

Fitz smiled, but said nothing for a moment, watching his little sister. “I have an observation.”

“This sounds ominous,” Maddy said with a grin. “You aren’t much known for your observational skills.”

Fitz didn’t smile, and Maddy wondered what serious matter Fitz had observed. “I’ve lately observed how Carrington looks at you.”

“And how is that?” Maddy asked, a bit too quickly.

“With more than just friendly interest, let’s say,” Fitz said, sounding uncomfortable. “And I’ve also observed that maybe you look at him with more than just friendly interest too.”

Maddy cursed inwardly. She and Jamie had been so careful not to betray their feelings for each other when the rest of the house party was around, but somehow, Fitz had caught their lingering looks. She supposed if anyone would notice, Fitz – who was closer to them than anyone – would notice.

Maddy cleared her throat. “That’s ridiculous. Your observational skills are rusty, brother. Lord Carrington and I are just good friends, as you are.”

“Funny, if it’s just as we are, I’ve never noticed him looking at me as though he’d like to kiss me breathless. Or more.”

Maddy gasped at his words, and shoved his shoulder with hers. “Lord Carrington does not look at me that way!” she said, even as she heard the hollowness of the lie within it.

“Maddy, you know I love you more than life, and that I want what’s best for you. Carrington is… well, he’s a war veteran. He’s got a lot of work to do on the estate. His finances aren’t the same as…”

“The same as?” Maddy asked hotly. “I don’t think Lord Carrington is destitute, my dear brother.”

“I was going to say, the same as Lord Blakely,” Fitz continued as though she hadn’t interrupted him.

“Lord Blakely?” Maddy asked in surprise. “What’s he to do with Lord Carrington?”

“Just… just hear me out. Lord Blakely is the son of a marquess, and is powerful, rich and respected. And it’s also clear, through my keen observational skills, that he’s quite taken with you.”

Maddy blinked in surprise. “He is not.”

“Oh yes, he is. He watches your every move, and he always is so happy when you are engaged in conversation or dancing together. Beyond that, though, he’s a nice man, and a very, very rich one.”

“Since when have you thought of everyone’s finances above their character?” Maddy asked.

“Maddy,” Fitz said, seemingly embarrassed. “I’m just a viscount, and not a terribly rich one at that, as you know. Without an heir, I need to know that you and the estate will be protected just in case I don’t… procreate. Though I hope it won’t come to that, I need to honor Father’s wishes that you be taken care of for all of your life. And as such…”

Maddy interrupted him. “I’m decidedly not liking the tone of this conversation. Just say what you want to say, Fitz.”

“Lord Blakely is a fine catch, and he likes you. You must do what’s best for the family and secure him.”
“Secure him?” Maddy asked, tears of frustration springing to her eyes. “What, rope him like an errant colt? Since when have you ever dictated who I may or may not like, much less love?”

“I’m trying to be a responsible brother, and I want you to be well cared for, especially considering these last few years. Lord Blakely is a good, rich man. Carrington… I fear that Carrington will break your heart.”

“Why is that?” Maddy asked, hurt.

“Because he’s never fallen in love in all the years we’ve known him. He’s emotionally distant. He seems less likely to marry than anyone I know. Blakely, though, Blakely is a good fit. Please, just, consider what I’m asking you. I don’t need an answer now, but I had to say something, as your brother. Regardless of your esteem for Carrington, just… consider all your options. Please.”

“You know nothing of my heart,” Maddy said hotly.

“You’re right, I don’t. But I know what a good person you are, and I want the very best for you. And that’s why I had to say what I needed to say.”

The tears that had been threatening for the last few minutes spilled down her cheeks as Maddy watched Fitz’s retreat to the house.

38571/50000

Chapter Twenty-Six

2009-11-22T18:00:00.000-08:00

“Lay down,” Maddy ordered, her voice a bit shaky. The two of them had been sitting in bed, wrapped in the sheets and just talking for the last hour – from the mundane to the unusual, both unable to stop smiling at each other and their new found intimacy. Finally, Maddy had decided to take the reins of the evening, though she was a bit nervous about it.

Jamie looked at her for a long moment, trying to decipher what Maddy was up to.

“I said, lay down,” she said, her voice stronger now.

With a barely concealed smile, Jamie lay back on the sheets, his head resting on Maddy’s pillow.

“Stretch your hands above your head and grasp the bed frame,” Maddy ordered, and Jamie complied, still smiling slightly.

Tentatively, Maddy reached out and traced the planes of his abdomen with her forefinger, making his muscles clench involuntarily. A moment later, she leaned over and used her tongue to trace the lines instead. Jamie groaned at the soft touch and dropped a hand to cup her head.

Maddy’s head shot up and she swiftly slapped him across the face – not hard, but enough to shock him, his mouth dropping open at her movement. “I touch you. You don’t get to touch me. Understand?” she asked, her voice suddenly icy. “You will only move when I tell you to.”

Jamie’s breath hitched in his throat, finally understanding her intentions.

She was going to act out his fantasy… sweet God. His cock became even harder as the implication of her command hit home with him, and he squeezed his eyes shut for a moment.

“As you wish,” he complied, blinking his eyes open, reaching back up to grasp the bed again.

“And you will not talk,” Maddy instructed. “Understand?”

He opened his mouth to speak automatically, but at her sharp glance, merely nodded meekly instead.

“Good,” Maddy said, watching him a moment longer before bowing over again to dart her tongue into his navel. She shifted position, and licked up his chest, flicking her tongue over one of his nipples. He hissed at the contact, but did not speak.

Maddy hid a small smile at his reaction, suddenly reveling in the power she had over this normally commanding man. She licked the nipple again, and then licked over to the other, feeling Jamie shift under her.

She leaned up and over him, making sure his hands were still in position where she wanted them. The movement placed her swaying breasts directly near his mouth, and unable to stop himself, he reached out his tongue and flicked the one closest to him.

Maddy jumped back, her blue eyed gaze frosty. She slithered off the bed and sauntered across the room, away from him, though he very much enjoyed the view of her retreat. “Until you learn to obey, you will get nothing.” And with that, she went into the adjoining bathroom and closed the door behind her.

Jamie slammed his head back against the pillow, wanting so badly to touch himself, to touch her, to chase after her and take her.

But that wasn’t what this game was about.

It was about domination – and he wasn’t in charge.

Instead, he lay, stock still, waiting for whatever was next.

For what seemed like interminable minutes, he lay, practically panting, waiting for Maddy to return, hoping to God she would, and wouldn’t leave him in this state until the sun came up the next morning.

Too many minutes later, she finally emerged, and he sighed at the beauty of her slim body, illuminated only by a candle she carried with her. She set it on the bureau and dimmed the nearby oil lamp, leaving the room dimly lit, her body casting shadows on the wall. She walked back over to the bed and stared down at him, assessing his prone position.

“Did you move?” She asked.

He hurriedly shook his head no.

“Good,” she replied, climbing onto the bed again. She leaned over and kissed him hard, her tongue dancing into his mouth, and he almost cried out at the contact, enjoying the sudden swell of her power over him, and felt that she was enjoying it too.

Maddy’s heart was racing in her chest, but she was determined to give Jamie what we wanted, and if she was honest, to experiment with her own feelings, sensing that dominating him wouldn’t exactly be a chore.

She slithered down his body, her eyes locked on his as she took him into her mouth, watching as his back arching involuntarily, though he bit his lip to avoid saying anything. Though this was new territory for her – something she had never done before – she watched Jamie’s face, gauging how her different movements made him react, finding sensitive spots and paying special attention to them.

Jamie had a sheen of sweat covering him now, even as he forced himself not to let go of the bed frame, not to grab her head and thrust himself deeper into her sweet mouth. Instead, he closed his eyes as the sensation of her wet mouth washed over him. Maddy watched happily as he groaned and shifted, grunted and rocked his hips, desperate for more.

She could quite get used to this kind of power, she thought hazily, lifting her head and sliding back up the bed until she lay beside him again on her back.

“Touch me,” Maddy ordered, and Jamie turned his head to look at her questioningly, then at his hands above them.

“You may remove your hands. Use your fingers to touch me,” Maddy said. “You may pick one spot, and one spot only.”

Hiding a grin, Jamie slowly moved his hands away from the bed and quickly knelt between her thighs, using his hands to gently nudge them apart. Seconds later, Maddy gasped as his fingers slid up and down her folds slickly, and then drove into her core. She arched and moaned, enjoying the pleasure it wrought, let her tend to her for several minutes, then turned into the commander again.

“Stop.”

Obediently, Jamie stopped moving, freezing in place.

“Lick…” Maddy cleared her throat, wondering if this was too far. “Lick your fingers.”

She nearly blacked out as she watched Jamie slowly push his fingers into his mouth, obviously enjoying her taste on them, his eyes closed in bliss.

“And now do the same to me,” Maddy ordered, and Jamie glanced up at her then complied, slicking his fingers in and then out, then raising them to her lips. She opened her mouth and he slid his fingers in, and she tasted herself. Suckling softly, her eyes locked on his, she watched as his entire body jerked at the sensation of her pulling mouth, his manhood seeming to grow another inch.

With a teasing glint in her eye, she began to suckle his fingers as she had ministered to his cock, and she could see the control it cost him not to explode on the spot.

She could definitely get used to this power, she thought, releasing his fingers wetly from her mouth.

“Lay back down in your position,” Maddy said, pointing to the bed. Jamie scrambled to comply, his hands flying up over his head again.

Though she felt timid, Maddy put on a veneer of authority and straddled his hips, her center rubbing deliciously against the muscles of his abdomen, and both of them struggled for control. Shifting her hips and grasping his cock, she slowly, so slowly, lowered herself onto him until he was driven deep inside her.

Jamie let out an involuntary groan, fighting for control, fighting not to come too quickly. Maddy hissed as she took all of him inside her, then after a moment, rocked her hips. Jamie automatically lifted his hips to drive himself further into her, and she reached out and pinched both of his nipples – hard.

“Did I say you could move?”

He shook his head no, biting his lip.

“Then don’t. This is my ride, and I will control it until I am satisfied. And when I am fully satisfied, I may, may let you have release. But so help me, if you release early, there will be punishment. And not the kind you like.”
His eyes widened at her threat, but he nodded his compliance. After a moment, Maddy set a rhythm with her hips, and he grabbed tighter to the bed frame, fighting for control as her eyes bore into his. Faster and faster she moved, and he clutched his hands harder and harder to follow her orders, until he felt the combination of her nails raking down his chest and her body clenching at his cock buried deep inside her.

He nearly screamed at the force of holding off, and Maddy sensed how hard he was fighting to obey. “Look at me!” She barked, and his eyes struggled open to meet hers. “Look at me when you release. Now.”

And with that one barked word, he did.

Maddy wanted to collapse on his chest in exhaustion, but forced herself to stand on shaky legs and lean over the pillow where Jamie lay, his face flushed and sweaty. “Not bad, slave. But I sense that you will need much more practice, another day.”

And with that, she pressed a small kiss to his wet brow, then grabbed her robe and flounced into the bathroom as Jamie quivered on the soaked sheets beneath him.

37202/50000

Chapter Twenty-Five

2009-11-22T15:37:00.000-08:00

It took every ounce of reserve that Maddy had not to race down the stairs when she saw Jamie gallop up the drive of Rotherham House.

He was back, he was back! she thought gleefully, suddenly flinging open her wardrobe to change dresses and after doing so, spent several minutes fussing with her hair in the hopes her heart rate would slow down.

Finally, she pressed a hand to her stomach to calm the butterflies churning there and walked slowly and with dignity down the stairs, and hearing male voices in conversation, turned towards the study. There, Jamie, Fitz, Blakely and several other men of the party were gathered around the fireplace, and several women as well – including that dreadful Lady Drake, who was seated very close to Jamie.

Nonetheless, Maddy plastered on a smile and strode confidently into the room. “Lord Carrington, you’ve returned,” she said with a smile and a curtsy. “We’re glad to have you back.”

“I hope the party didn’t suffer in my absence,” Jamie said, rising and bowing to her, then gesturing for Maddy to take a seat.

“Your dancing skills were much missed, my lord,” she said, and they shared a secret smile as the group resettled themselves with drinks.

The men immediately began asking of the state of Jamie’s corner of England, and he regaled them all with tales of not only the occasional hardship, but triumphs as well. The land was prosperous, and the people seemed happy and well fed, and were slowing learning to trust their lord again, which Jamie much appreciated.

Maddy was gladdened to see Jamie looking so happy and relaxed – she was pleased he’d had a successful trip. It made their parting a bit easier to bear.

A bit.

She willed herself not to squirm whenever Jamie’s gaze landed on her, even for just a moment, and smiled pleasantly at everyone in the room, hoping to disguise the lust she felt boiling just beneath her skin.

She would be ever so embarrassed if everyone in the room knew her thoughts at the moment, as they were most indecent.

Finally, the party began to break up, drifting upstairs to prepare for dinner, until only Fitz, Maddy and Jamie were left in the room. They fell into easy conversation, and shortly, Rose joined them in the parlor.

Maddy watched surreptitiously as Rose seated herself near Fitz, and smiled secretly to herself. She was definitely going to have to make some progress on that front if they two of them were ever going to get together.

“I suppose I should get dressed for dinner as well,” Fitz said, glancing down at his more casual attire after the four of them had conversed for a few minutes. “Will there be dancing tonight, Carrington?”

“If everyone wishes it,” Jamie said easily. “I can send my man to retrieve the band, if so desired.”

“What do you think, Lady Rivenhall?” Fitz asked, turning to her. “Shall we dance this evening?”

“I… if you wish it, my lord,” Rose stammered.

“Unless you fear for your feet, perhaps you would do me the honor of dancing with me. You are quite one of the best dancers in the room – and you can save me from Lady Drake, who always steps on my toes.”
Both Rose and Maddy laughed, sharing a look of triumph between them. “I believe I can handle that task, my lord,” Rose said with a bit more of her usual fire.

“Excellent!” Fitz said, standing, and Rose also stood. “May I escort you upstairs? Though you have no need to change because you already look pretty, ladies feel the need to change their clothes at least two dozen times a day – why, I have no idea.”

“We like to keep the gentlemen guessing, my lord,” Rose shot back, taking his arm. “This evening, I plan to quiz you on every colour dress I wore today.”

With a playful groan, Fitz escorted her from the room, leaving Jamie and Maddy alone, seated across from each other.

They stared at each other for a long moment, neither one knowing what to say to the other.

“You had a good trip, my lord?” Maddy asked, breaking the ice after a long silence.

Jamie nodded. “I did. But it was long – too long. I thought of nothing but you for two days straight.”

Maddy laughed. “I’m sure that’s not true. I’m sure you were concerned with grain prices and livestock at least for a few minutes.”

“A very few minutes,” he replied easily. “And how were things here?”

“Dreadfully dull, my lord,” Maddy said pertly. “I found myself wanting for a partner for… dancing.”

Jamie stood up and crossed over to where Maddy was sitting, and then dropped himself onto the seat beside her. Slowly, too slowly for her taste, he leaned over and pressed his lips to Maddy’s tenderly. “I missed you as well,” he murmured after a moment. “Perhaps we could…”

“Dance later?” she asked with a devilish twinkle in her eye.

“Must it be later?”

Maddy giggled at his pouting tone. “It’s not even dinnertime, my lord, and I think everyone would miss you at the table.”

“I wish there weren’t so many bloody people in the house,” Jamie said. “I’d very much like to lock you in my rooms for a few days without anyone noting our absence.”

Maddy smiled at his growled words. “Privacy is hard to come by, my lord, but I’m sure that we can find something to accommodate you…”

“Until this evening, then, my lady…” Jamie said, kissing her again. “We have much to catch up on.”

###

Maddy sank onto the edge of her mattress and wrestled off her shoes. She’d just spent the last two hours dancing nonstop with almost every gentleman in the party, even dancing once with Jamie, though she was sure everyone would detect the sparks flying between them and only limited their dancing to one turn about the floor.

He had given her a small smile as she had excused herself to go to bed, but had made no plans to see her privately the next day, which gave her a tinge of disappointment, but she was so tired, she didn’t really dwell on it.

She stood and turned towards her bureau to place her shoes underneath and jumped in fright when the door flew open beside her, and just as quickly, shut again with a snick of the lock.

Jamie stood inside her bedchamber, a look of undisguised lust on his face as he pressed himself against the door, looking at her kneeling on the floor.

“My lord,” Maddy said, straightening in surprise. “What are you doing here?”

In answer, Jamie grasped her shoulders and pressed her against the edge of the bureau, kissing her fiercely. She gasped in surprise and then delight as his tongue plundered her mouth, cutting off any other words she might have asked. Her hands automatically twined about his neck, her fingers sinking into the soft blond hair at the nape.

“You can’t be in here, my lord,” Maddy whispered, pulling her lips away from his. “If we are discovered, it would be ruinous for us both.”

“I can’t seem to stay away,” Jamie said, dropping his mouth to press against the skin of her neck, inhaling her scent. “I have to be with you. Please, Maddy, don’t send me away.”

“If someone found us…”

“We’ll just have to be very quiet, then,” Jamie said mischievously. “Though, after your performance the other night, I’m not sure…”

Maddy squeaked in embarrassment and covered her face with her hands. “Was I… was I too loud? Was it offputting?”

“On the contrary,” Jamie said, tugging her hands down and holding them in his. “I found it arousing. So, do it again, just quietly.”

And with that, he picked her up entirely and deposited her on the bed with a growl. She struggled to disentangle herself from her dress as it scrambled around her ankles, even as he toed off his boots and loosened his cravat, his eyes watching her hungrily.

“How do you know I even want this?” Maddy asked coquettishly. “Perhaps I’m not longer attracted to you. Perhaps you don’t arouse me anymore.”

Jamie raised an eyebrow in question. “Oooh?” He asked, crouching on the bed, pushing her back against the pillows and trapping her by placing an arm on either side of her waist. “Is that a challenge? I do so love challenges…”

Maddy was about to shoot back a retort when Jamie leaned over and pressed his lips to the hammering pulse in her throat, accelerating her heartbeat. “Is this arousing?” he murmured, licking her pulse.

“Or this?” he asked, mouthing her breast through the thin silk of her gown for a moment, leaving a spot of wetness directly above her trapped nipple. “This?” He asked, tugging the material away and licking her nipple, then blowing cool air on it, making her arch involuntarily.

“This?” He repeated, laving her other pebbled nipple, biting down slightly and feeling Maddy’s nails dig into his shoulders as he continued his ministrations. Finally, he lifted his head and look down at her flushed cheeks, her eyes shut in pleasure. “Maddy?”

He slithered back up and kissed her – so softly, so gently, she thought she might cry from the emotion in it. Jamie rained kisses over her face, her nose, her temple, her cheeks, her chin until she thought she would burst from the tenderness of the gesture. “My lord?” she finally gasped.

“Yes?” Jamie asked, lifting his head.

“I believe you are wearing entirely too many clothes.”

Jamie laughed, a deep, throaty laugh. “I might say the same about you.”

“Take them off. Now,” Maddy said, her tone suddenly commanding, harsh.

Jamie felt his erection twitch at the authority in her voice, and his hands flew to his shirt buttons.

After watching him for a long moment, Maddy shyly stood up and turned and had Jamie unbutton her gown, then sliding it down to puddle at her feet. She removed the rest of her underclothes as Jamie hurriedly removed his shirt, breeches, socks and small clothes until they stood, a foot apart next to the bed.

“You are beautiful,” Jamie whispered, his eyes roving up and down her body.

“So are you,” Maddy said honestly, reaching out to touch a scar that marred one perfectly sculpted shoulder. “War wound?”

“I’m sure you’re bound to find more,” Jamie said, watching her eyes trace his body.

Maddy drank in the appearance of him hungrily. His blond hair had become mussed by his ministrations, giving him a rakish appearance, paired with the slight stubble on his cheek. His skin was tanned and smooth, his shoulders wide and his hips narrow. He had no chest hair, but the definition of his muscles on his arms, legs and torso betrayed his active and physical lifestyle.

He looked like a Greek statue, all chiseled and firm, Maddy thought, her eyes flicking over his entire body, finally settling on that path of hair that led downward from his bellybutton to his manhood. And she couldn’t wait to explore that smooth skin with her fingers, her tongue…

Swiftly, Jamie nudged her back onto the bed, covering her body with his. With deliberate care, he traced his tongue across her breasts again, pressing his face into the warm flesh there. “So soft…” he murmured, shifting his mouth lower and lower, kissing her belly, her thighs, her calves, her core. He found erotic points on her body she didn’t even know existed as he lazily traced from one part of her body to another, tormenting her with his slow and deliberate pace. “Is this arousing as well, my lady?”

Finally, she begged for him to fill her. “Jamie, please…” she rasped, almost in pain as he nuzzled her soft curls, his tongue flicking out, over and over again. “Please…”

He moved back up and his mouth crushed hers, even as he thrust into her, making her cry out at the combined sensation of him filling her and tasting herself on his lips. He muffled the sound of her cry with his mouth and shushed her, even as his hips began to move in tandem with hers. The flow of energy between them surged, and drove them both higher and higher until they were flung over the edge of ecstasy with matching cries of pleasure.

Together, they clung to each other, breaths shuddering and skin slickened with perspiration, even as Jamie remained embedded in her. Maddy nearly cried when he withdrew and lay beside her, suddenly missing the press of his warm skin against hers.

He had no idea how long they lay together, hands linked as their breaths evened out again until he pressed up on an elbow to look down at her.

Idly, she reached out and traced another scar, this one on his thigh from where a masked assailant had driven a knife into his flesh. “My poor lord…”

She leaned over and kissed the scar gently, making his heart ache at her tenderness before she straightened again. She looked at him quizzically, and he knew she was forming a question in her mind.

“What is it?” he asked softly.

“Was that… was that satisfying for you?” She asked shyly. “I know it wasn’t… what you had…”

He cut her off swiftly. “It was more satisfying than I can say,” he answered honestly. “Truly. You take my breath away, Maddy. I’ve never… I’ve never lain with a woman I felt so deeply for, and that makes all the difference, it seems.”

She smiled happily. “I’m glad to hear it. But the night is young, my lord, and I believe I’m going to hold you captive for a while longer.”

Jamie’s breath hitched at the promise of her words.

35624/50000

Chapter Twenty-Four

2009-11-21T10:37:00.000-08:00

Before Maddy even opened her eyes the following morning, she had a wide smile on her face.

Laying in bed lazily, she remembered the evening before, that firelit time in the parlor with Jamie, those long minutes were the world fell away and it was only the two of them together.

She knew she had been missing something in her previous relationship with Henry, but she’d had no idea until last night.

She smiled again, thinking of the caress of Jamie’s hands down her body, of his lips all over her skin, and the feel of him filling her completely – and remembering the look in his eye when they came together.
Henry had always looked mildly bored, and never took an interest in her pleasure.

Jamie had made her pleasure his number one priority.

She giggled a bit, remembering the caress of his tongue, and the scorching pleasure it had wrought, showing her a new kind of lovemaking.

She stretched languidly, strangely liking the soreness of her body, feeling as though her lips were still bruised from his kisses, and wished again that he hadn’t had to leave for two days.

Two whole days without even seeing Jamie, much less repeating last night’s passion.

She was glad to see that Jamie was willing to trust her, to love her – God, he loved her! He’d said so before he took her, she thought happily.

Her only niggling doubt was that she hoped it was true – that now that he’d had her, he wouldn’t just move on to another conquest, feeling he’d satisfying some itch.

Surely not.

Maddy had loved Jamie since they were children, and if Jamie’s whispered confession last night were true, he had always felt for her as well.

She could hardly believe it.

The only clouds on the horizon of this sunny situation were how Fitz would react were she and Jamie to announce themselves as a couple… and her station as a war widow and the affect it could have on his standing.

Jamie had prestige and standing in society, and for his own benefit, should marry someone with the same station in society.

Someone like Lady Amelia Drake, Maddy thought with a frown, remembering how pretty and elegant she had looked the night before while dancing beside her and Lord Blakely.

She thought she knew Jamie loved her, but the reality was that the gentry had to protect their position in society, had to produce an heir that could inherit the title, and making the proper marriage was everything these days.

Though Jamie had thrown Lord Blakely in her face the other night, she knew the reality was that the son of a Marquess may enjoy her company, but would never make her his wife.

She wondered if Jamie had the same reservations.

And she understood – truly she did – but that didn’t change her feelings for Jamie.

She’d long ago accepted that she would never make a happy match again, but all her roiling emotions for Jamie had disguised the fact that they were doomed never to be a true marriageable match.

Maddy finally crawled out from under the covers and walked over to the window, seeing that it was a gray, gloomy day, which suddenly matched the mood of her doubts.

No doubt it would be a day of sitting in the parlor reading or sewing, and knowing Jamie wasn’t even around the house would make it ten times longer.

With a small sigh, Maddy turned to her wardrobe just as her lady’s maid rapped lightly at the door.

###

Jamie couldn’t seem to stop smiling like a fool.

No matter than rain kept dripping in his eyes and that he was chilled to the bone – all he had to do was think of the night before to feel warm through.

Finally being with Maddy was just as he imagined – passionate, wanton, satisfying.

And she trusted him, and didn’t care about his past passions.

That made his normal reserve and embarrassment with women crumble away to dust.

With another smile, he and Thunder leapt over a log and caught up with his steward, Cleary. He knew he must look a fool, smiling and murmuring to himself, but Cleary was smart enough not to question his lord.
Or so he thought.

“Lady Madeline has grown into a fine lady, has she not, my lord?” Cleary said, as though reading Jamie’s thoughts, and Jamie jolted a bit in the saddle at the sudden matching of his thoughts and Cleary’s inquiry. Cleary had been his father’s steward for many years, and had ably managed the estate during Jamie’s absence. He’d often thought of him as a surrogate father, and because of their close relationship, Cleary had always been free to speak his mind – a trait Jamie valued. Cleary often brought clarity and forthright thinking to any situation.

“She has indeed, Cleary,” Jamie said, unable to stop himself from grinning, remembering how very fine she had looked last night, half undressed, her hair a tumble around her shoulders and his cries of passion in his ear.

“I remember her as a slip of a girl, chasing after you and Lord Stafford around the estate. I would never have imagined her to be so refined and lovely now,” Cleary said easily. “It’s surprising to me that she didn’t make a better match in society.”

Jamie’s expression darkened slightly at the thought of Maddy being pushed into a loveless marriage, particularly one that did nothing to elevate her standing in society.

She deserved so much more, but as a young lady, was at the mercy of her father, who, though he wanted what was best for her, had failed miserably in finding her a better match. “Yes, I believe it was arranged by her father, though I think she could have done much better as a gentleman’s daughter.”

“Agreed, my lord,” Cleary said. “But her father was ill for a long time, and desperately wanted to see his children settled before he passed from the world.”

“He had been ill?” Jamie said, surprised that neither Maddy or Fitz had mentioned it.

“Oh yes, my lord,” Cleary said. “While you were away in France, his health declined rapidly. I know he was disappointed that Lord Stafford didn’t find a wife, but he was bound and determined to see his daughter well taken care of, one way or another. What a shame it was with that officer – and then he up and got himself killed in the war, leaving her alone.”

Jamie nodded absently, absorbing this.

“I’m sure Henry was a gentleman, but I heard tales of his gambling away his little fortune, and that he was less than kind to his servants and wife. Not physically abusive, mind, but just emotionless and cold. He lost a great many servants during that time, despite Lady Winchester’s attempts to placate him.”

That perfectly echoed what Maddy had told him, Jamie thought, though she had obviously glossed over Henry’s faults. True, she had admitted his lack of prowess in the bedroom, but to think he was cold and emotionless to everyone around him all the time – it made his heart ache.

Madeline Winchester deserved a life full of laughter and happiness, rather than spending the last few years first trapped in a loveless marriage, and then trapped by a society that looked down on her. It made Jamie’s blood boil to think of the ill treatment she might have received at the hands of others.

“Shame she won’t ever marry well again,” Cleary continued easily as they cantered along the lane towards another farm. “Not with her first marriage so low in station.”

“You don’t believe she could marry well?” Jamie inquired, his voice neutral.

“Take yourself, my lord,” Cleary said. “If you were to marry her, you’d lose the respect and standing of society – particularly in London. You need to find a wife that can handle a large estate and staff – which Lady Winchester has never done – and produce heirs – which Lady Winchester hasn’t done, and many assume that is her fault, not his – and that would elevate your standing in society, which she could never do with her past marriage. Based on those assessments alone, Lady Winchester is doomed to be either an old maid or the wife of someone who isn’t a gentleman,” Cleary added. “But that’s just my opinion, my lord.”

Jamie glowered at the trees surrounding them, absorbing this. “I’ve always had great affection for the Staffords, and it would pain me to see her or Fitz unhappy. Perhaps a gentleman would look past though previous faults and see all her good qualities, which, I assure you, are many.”

Cleary looked at his master hesitantly, hearing the fire in his words, and wondering if perhaps his lord had fallen for Lady Winchester himself. “Of course, my lord. That could always happen, but in my experience, rarely does.”

“Then perhaps it’s time society changed,” Jamie said, digging his heels into Thunder and pounding off at a gallop, leaving Cleary in the dust behind.

33315/50000

Chapter Twenty-Three

2009-11-20T19:03:00.000-08:00

“Come with me, right now,” a low voice said in her ear the following evening. Madeline started at the sudden arrival of Jamie at her side, and then automatically put down her glass.

“What?” she asked, annoyed. “Where?”

“Last night, you issued a challenge to me, Lady Madeline,” Jamie said smoothly in her ear. “And I believe I have met that challenge, but it is a conversation that calls for privacy, rather than a roomful of people.”
“Have you?” She asked carefully. “Have you decided to trust me?”

“I’ve always trusted you. It just took me a while to realize it,” Jamie said honestly, and Maddy could see how difficult it was for him to admit it.

She watched him for a long moment, and then took a shuddering breath at the decisiveness of his tone. “Where?” She breathed, not quite believing she was about to leave the lord’s party with him – alone.

“I have an urgent matter of business in the drawing room, and desperately need your assistance,” he said evenly, his voice at normal levels again.

“What business, my lord?” she asked, her voice lilting with teasing, suddenly enjoying their pas de deux.

“I want to leave you in no doubt of my decision regarding my feelings for you, and so that business of which I spoke is about getting portions of you and I naked before I burst out of my trousers and embarrass myself in front of all these fine people,” he whispered with a devilish smile.

Madeline bit back a laugh at the imagery of that. “That would be impolitic.”

“Indeed,” Jamie said with a grin.

“When?” Madeline asked, hardly daring to believe what was about to happen between them.

“As soon as you can slip away unnoticed. I realize that may be a feat for you, as everyone has been watching your loveliness tonight, but do your best,” he said softly. “And quickly.”

“Because of that trouser bursting situation?”

“Yes, my lady.”

“I’m at your pleasure, my lord.”

“My god, I hope so.”

And then he was gone.

She watched him stride out of the room, her heart dancing a jig in her chest.

He had called her lovely.

Her heart could burst.

Anguished minutes later, Madeline was finally able to slip out the doorway of the ball room and away from the crush of people, and forced herself not to run towards the drawing room, which was conveniently out of bounds for the evening’s festivities – another dinner and dance at the estate. She noted a servant who appeared to be standing at attention, but which she suspected was actually a look out for his lord.

Clever boy, she thought with a grin.

Taking a deep breath and feeling a bit like a virgin about to enter the bridal chamber, she turned the knob and quietly entered the drawing room, closing the door softly behind her, then after a pause, locking it. The room was almost entirely dark, but for a small fire in the corner of the room. As he eyes adjusted, she could see the silhouette of Jamie by the mantel, and she crossed the room, coming to stand next to him, not yet touching him, though she ached to.

“I’m leaving for the next two days,” he said softly. “My steward and I are touring the nearby farms, and I couldn’t… I couldn’t stand the thought of not seeing you, touching you for another two days.”

“You seem to have risen to my challenge, my lord,” she said quietly. “But I want to hear it from your own lips.”

Jamie’s eyes locked on hers. “I love you, I ache for you, I trust you, I want you.” He watched her for a long moment. “Is that what you want to hear?”

“Yes,” she breathed. “Do you mean it, or are they just words?”

The look he gave her was all the answer she needed.

“And do you return the feelings, knowing what you know of me?” He asked hesitantly.

She nodded, suddenly not trusting her voice.

“Good,” he said softly.

“What do you want?” She asked, her voice barely a whisper.

“To smell you, to taste you,” he said simply. “To be inside you.”

She closed her eyes against the sensation his words had over her.

“Do you want that, Madeline?”

“Yes,” she replied simply.

Turning to her, he closed the distance between them, his lips pressing against hers so sweetly, she wanted to cry.

But a moment later, the kiss deepened, even as his hands began to roam over her, caressing her hips, her buttocks, up and down, up and down, and she gasped at the suddenness of his touch, at finally realizing what she has been aching for since that first searing kiss in the folly.

And if she was honest, what she has been aching for her entire life.

“Please,” she begged quietly. “Please…”

Not breaking the kiss, he steered them to the floor, laying her back on the soft rug, his body lying atop hers. His hands cupped her breasts through the fabric of her silk gown, and she hissed at the touch of his hands. With a less than subtle tug, he then pulled down the front of her gown, her breasts springing free, her nipples erect at the combination of eroticism and cool air in the room.

“Maddy…” he breathed, and released her mouth, only to capture a taut nipple in his mouth. The warmth of his tongue on her puckered nipple arched her back, urging him further, and she felt rather than heard a chuckle rumble deep in his throat at her wantonness.

He licked, and licked, and teased her nipple until she couldn’t stand the sensation, only to switch breasts, paying equal attention to her other swell. His hand cupped her breast, tightening it against his mouth, squeezing and teasing her until she thought she might burst from pleasure.

Without thinking, she thrust her hips up, wanting to feel the length of his body against hers, and he pressed against her, his solid erection pushing against her thigh.

Even as he continued the attention to her breast, his hand slid down her thigh, grabbing a handful of material and tugging up, up until she shivered at the cool air on her inner thighs.

His hand slowed, barely caressing the soft skin of her thigh before he looked up, his eyes meeting hers in the dim firelight.

“Are you sure about this, Maddy?” he asked, a touch breathless. “Because I’m not sure I can stop at this point, that I’ll have the restraint to…”

In answer, she thrust her hips again, pressing her center against his roving hand. He groaned, and then shifted until he could slide her panties down her thighs, allowing her to kick them off indelicately.

“I want to taste you,” he said and she stilled for a moment. “Has any man ever done that to you?”

“No,” she admitted. “It’s… it’s wrong…”

“Believe me when I tell you it isn’t,” he replied, and in demonstration, he slid down her body until he was kneeling between her thighs. She wanted to hide herself, to push him away, even as his fingers slid upwards until just one finger glided against her wet folds.

It was her turn to groan as he traced that finger up and down her slit, paying special attention to her clit, making her writhe at the sensation of it circling around and around, spreading her wetness in preparation for him.

A moment later, he ducked his head, replacing his finger with his tongue, the warm wetness tracing her heated folds, then licking around and around her hardened clit. She arched at the feeling of him, even as she felt him tease a finger inside her, exploring her as his tongue sent ripples of fire through her belly.

Unconsciously, she grabbed at her own breasts, pinching her nipples to match the pleasure he was causing her, his tongue moving faster now, suckling at her clit while another finger joined the first, push in and out of her folds.

“Oh my god, Jamie…” she breathed, and he stopped for a moment.

“Say that again.”

“What?”

“Say my name,” he commanded, and she obliged him breathlessly as the speed of his fingers increased.

“Jamie, god, Jamie, yes,” she barked hoarsely, feeling her release already building, a blessed orgasm approaching, an experience she had only felt once or maybe twice before in her entire life. “Please, bring me…”

“Beg me,” he ordered, and she wanted to laugh. At this point, she wasn’t above begging.

“Please, please…” she said, releasing her breasts to push his head closer against her center. “I want… I want to come,” she whispered, feeling like a hussy, but secretly reveling in her newfound sexuality.

“Do that pinching of your nipples again, and I might come before I ever get inside you,” he said raspily.

With a grin, she grabbed her breasts again, their eyes locked as she teased herself. His tongue continued to lave her clit, his eyes watching her breasts, then watching her eyes. “Look at me. Look at me when you come. Now.”

And with a final thrust of his fingers, she did – she came and came, shivering in release that lasted for what felt like hours, her walls clenching at his fingers.

With a groan, he sat up and unbuttoned his trousers, freeing his throbbing erection. Eagerly, Madeline reached out and grasped him, already guiding him towards her. “Let go, or I’ll go before I get inside you. And I want to come inside you.” She obediently dropped her grasp of him, and he shifted to lay his body on hers.

Easing himself forward, he rubbed his cock against her folds, slicked himself with her moisture and begged any available gods for control.

He knew it had been a long time since she’d had a man inside her, and he didn’t want to hurt her.

But as he slid inside, control seemed to go out the window, and he guided himself to her hilt, causing her to emit a small squeak of pain and pleasure.

“I’m sorry,” he whispered against his lips. “I’m not sure I can…”

He waited a few seconds for her to adjust, and when she bucked beneath him, set up a rhythm of thrusting back and forth, nearly pulling completely out of her before sliding back home, deeper and deeper each time.

“I can’t believe I’m inside you,” he grunted, and she nearly laughed. “I’ve wanted this since we were kids.”

“Liar,” she spat back, perspiration on her brow. “You never noticed me.”

“I did,” he argued, even as he caressed her inner walls with his cock. “Believe me.”

“And to think I always wanted you too.”

“Liar,” he grinned, then kissing her again, ending conversation between them. He gently slid in and out of her, his lips tracing a line from her temple to her neck and back again, even as she writhed beneath him, urging him to take her – more, harder, faster.

“Jamie,” she said softly. “Stop holding back. I won’t break.”

“I…” he choked out. “I’m… I have to hold back. I’m not sure I can…”

She cut him off with a well timed thrust of her hips, sinking him deeper inside her, and his tenuous hold on his control snapped.

Faster and faster he pumped inside her, feeling his release building, closer and closer…

Bending his head, he captured a nipple in his mouth, and biting down, finally let go, coming inside her. At the contact at her breast, he felt her release as well, her body grasping and tightening around him.

His arms unable to hold his weight any longer, he collapsed against her, both of them panting in exertion.

After several long moments, he slid off her, and laid beside her on his back, reaching out to grasp her hand in his tenderly. “Maddy, that was…”

“I know.”

Their breathing slowed, and Madeline sat up, tugging at her gown, covering herself again, suddenly feeling shy. “I fear I’ve messed up that exquisite hairdo, my lady,” Jamie said lazily.

Madeline laughed heartily. “I would imagine so, my lord.”

“Your panties…” he gestured weakly to the scrap of fabric beside them.

She picked them up and with a wicked smile, threw them at Jamie. “They’re yours, now. Carry them with you for the next two days. So you don’t forget me.”

“I could never forget you, Maddy. Never,” he said huskily, pulling her in for another deep, soul-searching kiss.

31803/50000

Chapter Twenty-Two

2009-11-20T19:00:00.000-08:00

He half wondered if Maddy was just cozying up to Blakely to annoy him, Jamie thought, swigging the rest of his punch and nearly slamming his glass down. They had spent ages talking and laughing, and now Blakely wouldn’t let her rest until he’d danced her feet right off her legs.

And still she smiled prettily at him.

Jamie was jealous, pure and simple.

Because he was too embarrassed to ask Maddy to dance himself, and instead let Blakely have the honors.

Well, to hell with that.

Squaring his shoulders, Jamie marched across the room, where Maddy had just slumped against a wall, her cheeks flushed and her smile wide.

“My Lady Madeline, you look stunning this evening,” Jamie said softly, bending at the waist to kiss her hand.
Madeline heard the “my” in his address, but daren’t hope it was an intentional slip of the tongue.

“Lord Carrington,” she said demurely, willing herself not to tug her gown just an inch lower on her bodice. “You have quite a house full this evening.”

“I’m known for not only my lavish buffet, but for my exquisite dancing skills. They come from miles around just to watch me take a turn about the floor,” he said, and she bit back a laugh, knowing he was teasing her, remembering her teasing of him during their walk in Bath so many weeks ago.

“I look forward to seeing that, my lord,” Madeline replied with a grin.

“And I have enjoyed watching you, Lady Madeline,” Carrington replied. “You seem to be enjoying Blakely’s dancing skills.”

“Yes, he’s quite an able partner, and as I’ve had no other invitations…” she let the words trail off, not daring to meet his eyes, hoping he would take the hint.

He did.

“Perhaps we might even… take a turn together.”

“A dance?”

“Of a sort,” he replied smoothly, and she raised a questioning eyebrow.

“Perhaps a… private dance,” he added, and she blushed slightly at his insinuation.

“But my lord, ladies and gentlemen who are not married are never to be alone unescorted. It wouldn’t be proper,” she demurred, and he smiled at her, a wicked, knowing smile, making her heart twist at the sudden change in his expression, and in the low tones in which he was speaking.

“And yet, you haven’t stopped thinking about it,” he whispered, standing beside her and giving everyone the pretense of propriety. “Nor have I. Not since yesterday.”

“I’ve done nothing of the sort,” she replied tartly, and he laughed aloud.

“No?”

“No,” she said firmly, lying easily.

“Well, then, I’ve been fantasizing enough for the both of us. I’ve been fantasizing about—Lord Pribourne, welcome to my home,” he said smoothly, bowing to a gentleman who had just walked through the open doorway.

Madeline bit back a growl of frustration, even as she felt her belly twist at his seemingly innocuous yet loaded words words.

Her belly, and lower.

After polite introductions, Madeline excused herself to find a glass of punch and a quiet corner.

If she stayed close to Jamie for even another minute, she feared she might spontaneously combust.

As she turned away, he reached out and touched her arm, drawing her back beside him. “Lady Madeline, you look as though you could use from fresh air. Perhaps I should take you out of doors for a few minutes?”

She knew fresh air was the last thing she needed, but his heated gaze pulled her in, and she followed obediently, praying that Jamie was finally opening up to her, trusting her.

A few more steps and they were outside in the cool darkness of the veranda, and Maddy turned, hoping this moment of privacy would yield more than a polite conversation.

“Shall we dance, my lord?” Maddy asked coquettishly as Jamie shut the heavy door behind them, sealing off the rumble of music and conversation from inside the house, leaving them in blissful quiet. “You requested a private dance, did you not?”

Jamie didn’t move a muscle, instead watching her through hooded eyes, the play of moonlight on her shoulders, the way her hair seemed even blonder in the low lit night.

God, but she was beautiful.

“Or,” Maddy said, taking a step closer, suddenly feeling emboldened, remembering her resolve to throw caution to the wind and act on her feelings. “Perhaps you would like to tell me of that fantasy you were about to explain before being interrupted?”

Jamie took a step back from her advance, a small smile on his lips. “I don’t wish to offend your delicate sensitivities, my lady.”

“Aren’t we past that?” Maddy asked, suddenly exasperated. “Truly, my lord?”

Quick as a flash, Jamie took her shoulders, and, spinning her quickly, pinned her against the stone wall of the house, out of sight of any dancers or attendees inside. “Do you really want to hear those fantasies, Madeline? Do you?”

Maddy’s breath hitched at his lustful tone, and she willed herself to be still, not to press her body against his as she wanted to do. “Yes,” she said simply. “I do.”

“I’ve been fantasizing about lifting up the skirts of that silky gown of yours, and laving my tongue across your skin. I’ve been fantasizing about suckling your nipples, about pressing you into the sheets of my bed and having my way with you,” Jamie said, his voice a bare whisper. “I’ve been fantasizing about having you in the bathtub, on the bed, on the floor…”

“What else?” she asked softly, shaking in his arms despite her resolve.

“About…” he broke off, conflicted. “About you on top of me, pinning me down with those tiny hands. Of tying me to the bed. Of us remaining naked together for days, if not weeks at a time.”

She blinked, impressed with his honesty. “So what’s stopping you?”

Abruptly, Jamie stepped back, and Maddy stumbled slightly at the loss of his touch, bracing her against the wall. “How about your sudden attentions for Lord Blakely?”

“You can’t be serious,” Maddy shot back immediately, abruptly incensed. “He’s a pleasant man, and as you can’t seem to bring yourself to be in my presence except in total secret, I decided to take part in a bit of dancing and lively conversation. Something which right now, my lord, you are sorely lacking.”

“Perhaps you and Blakely should be together instead,” Jamie rasped out and Maddy barked out a laugh.

“You think I’d be out here in the darkness with you, hearing of your fantasies, if I was truly interested in Lord Blakely?”

“I don’t know, would you?” Jamie shot back.

Maddy tilted up her chin, meeting his eyes as she set her hands on her hips. “You are the most infuriating, incomprehensible man. You want me, you don’t. You trust me, you don’t. You want me to yourself, you want me with Lord Blakely. How can someone so indecisive have ever been effective in the war?”

Jamie stared at her silently, sensing she wasn’t done.

“I belong to no man, sir. True, there is a man I favor above others, but until that man can be honest with me, can trust me, and can possess me – heart, soul and body – and let me return the favor, I’d rather be an old maid to the end of my days.”

“Lord Blakely is a fine match for you,” Jamie tried again and Maddy huffed in frustration, staring at him, fire burning in her eyes. “You should try for him.”

“I should,” Maddy agreed evenly, her tone brittle. “He would be a fine match for a woman in my circumstances. But there is only one problem.”

“And that is?”

“I want you, you dolt!” Maddy said, stomping her foot in frustration.

“Are you sure about that?” Jamie asked, challenge in his voice. “Because believe me, Maddy, I don’t share well. If you are sure, then you. are. mine.”

Something in Maddy snapped. “Right now, I belong to no one. My lord,” she added with a hitch in her voice. “And until you decide your own affections, I intend to continue belonging to no one. So I challenge you to first decide your feelings for me, and then clue me in, because I’m done with trying to figure you out. And now if you’ll excuse me, my lord, I beg to return to the dance. I find the air out here more stifling than in the ballroom.”

And with that, she twitched her skirts and sailed back into the house, leaving Jamie gaping open mouthed behind her.

He wasn’t sure if that was a threat – or a challenge.

And Jamie loved challenges.

29711/50000

Chapter Twenty-One

2009-11-20T18:57:00.000-08:00

Maddy sat in the window seat of the parlor, half concealed by the heavy drapery around her, a book open in her lap, though she hadn’t turned a page in at least twenty minutes.

Instead, she was staring out into the garden, imagining again and again her kiss with Jamie in the folly, and his confession of why he felt ‘damaged’, and why he had kept his distance from her until yesterday.

The man obviously had trust issues, she thought, but also wasn’t sure what to make of his own sexual… proclivities.

But Maddy truly believed what she had told him yesterday – that there was no right or wrong when it came to sexual satisfaction. Though she had little personal experience, she would never judge someone for what ignited their passions. She believed everyone had a right to do what made them happy, within their means.
And right now, just being with Jamie would make her happy – just having him near her, or having him hold her, sexual relations aside.

Though, honestly, a bit of sexual relations wouldn’t go awry, she thought wickedly.

She jumped as she heard the door creak open, hoping it would be Jamie seeking her out, but instead, Rose and Fitz came into the room and sat down near the fireplace, Fitz lounging comfortably and Rose sitting stiffly beside him.

Maddy had detected tension emanating from Rose every time Fitz was in earshot, and had no idea what her idiot brother had done to offend her best friend, but Rose was obviously uncomfortable around him for the first time in her life, which troubled Maddy greatly. She had always treasured the fact that Fitz had taken Rose in so easily, and that they were all so close with each other.

She could hear Fitz and Rose murmuring together, talking about nothing of consequence, and Maddy decided to maintain her privacy a while longer and not reveal herself to either of them, instead preferring her solitary ruminations for the time being.

A lengthy silence caught Maddy’s ear after the constant murmur had gone on for several minutes, and she peeked around the curtain again, seeing Fitz bent over, building a fire in the fireplace, and Rose watching him…

Hungrily?

If Maddy didn’t know better, she would swear that Rose was staring directly at her brother’s posterior.
And quite enjoying the view, if the flush in her cheeks was any indication.

Maddy watched, rapt, as Fitz sat back down, and Rose inched closer and closer as they talked, until their knees nearly touched.

Oh my god, Maddy thought with a silent laugh. What a fool I’ve been – Rose is in love with Fitz!

All the teasing, all the easy conversations and laughter had vanished in the last few months, and Maddy suddenly realized it wasn’t because of Fitz, but because of Rose’s feelings for him.

Quite the surprise, Maddy thought with a smirk. And that minx of a best friend never said a word!

Rose was in love with Fitz, she thought to herself. Well, I never.

With a small sigh, she settled the curtain again to give the almost-couple a bit of privacy, while hoping that Fitz wouldn’t be too much of a dunderhead to notice Rose’s growing affection for him. Maddy vowed to talk to Rose at her first opportunity about her feelings, and to see if she could… facilitate things in any way between them.

She wished someone could facilitate her increasingly complicated relationship with Jamie, but she sensed no help forthcoming, and instead turned back to the words on the page, not absorbing a single one.

###

Jamie’s head lolled back against the rim of the tub, the warm water soaking awake the aches in his muscles. He’d spent the morning chopping wood near the stables, desperately needing physical labor to take his mind off of Lady Madeline Winchester, and to feel as though something he were doing was useful for the estate.
Now, all he had to show for it were a few new calluses and a mind that simply wouldn’t shut down long enough to let him relax.

At the core of it, he was embarrassed.

He’d admitted his secret to Maddy, and she’d taken it in stride, but he was still humiliated at the core of it.
They had shared a soul-searing kiss, but even that had not quenched his thirst for her, and though he craved – needed – more, he knew he was treading dangerous ground with Maddy.

Sinking lower into the water, he ruminated on the evening ahead – another dinner, a round of dancing at the insistence of Lord Rutherford, and another night without finding himself in Madeline Winchester’s bed.

Damn it.

###

It took every ounce of reserve Madeline had that evening to appear unruffled, unaware of Jamie’s secret, and unconcerned about her deeply growing attraction to him.

Her eyes followed him as he strode to the stables before dinner.

Her heart raced when their fingers brushed at introductions at the dinner table.

Her nipples tautened when he gazed at her in the firelight, despite the presence of a dozen other people in the room as they retired from the meal.

And yet, they’d had little opportunity for private conversation between just the two of them, and even less opportunity to be less than five feet away from each other.

Maddening, totally maddening.

Whether it was right or wrong, she knew she wanted him, and was willing to do anything to have him. Her reputation as a marriageable woman was already in question, so why not give in to temptation, to lust? She was no longer a demure virgin, and eventually she would be shuffled off into some loveless marriage with a man no doubt twice her age, so why not seize the opportunity now to experience lovemaking as it was intended?

Even if it was for just one night.

In the preceding hours, Madeline had come to this conclusion as she sat longer and longer in the window seat, but as yet had had little success in devising a way for her and Jamie to act on these lusty impulses – there always seemed to be people around, servants bustling by, or business to be take care of.

What did it take to have some privacy?

Madeline gazed at the gowns strewn across her bed – tonight Jamie was hosting a country dance, inviting not only his guests but friends from across the countryside, insuring, yet again, a house full of people and little chance for a secret interlude. But, if they were to have a dance or two together, at least it would bring them physically closer, since yesterday afternoon’s closeness in the folly.

Madeline’s knees shook as she remembered the press of his body against hers, the way his mouth possessed hers, the throbbing of his manhood matching the throbbing in her own belly.

If a polite dance was all she could expect tonight, it was going to be a very long night.

###

“Lady Winchester, may I join you?” Lord Blakely asked, motioning to the seat beside Madeline, a drink in his hand.

She smiled and gestured for him to sit. “Lord Blakely,” she said happily. “We’ve not shared a word today, you and I.”

“I know, my lady – the indignity of it! I would have much rather spent the day talking with you than touring the estate on horseback with some of the men in the party. I had no idea Rotherham was so large – I believe I’ll be walking bow legged for a week after that ride.”

Maddy giggled at the image, and jumped slightly as the band Jamie had got in for the night began to tune their instruments, readying for the night of music and dancing that lay ahead. “Do you enjoy dancing, my lord?”

“I confess that I do, and with so many pretty partners to choose from, I imagine I will enjoy this one indeed,” Blakely said easily. “Perhaps you would favor me with a dance when the band begins?”

“I’d like that, my lord,” Maddy said happily. For the next twenty minutes, the two of them sat and spoke easily with each other, covering topics from politics to the art of raising chickens. She found Blakely an easygoing, attentive conversationalist, full of opinions on everything – a stimulating change from most of the men she was acquainted with. Blakely also had an easy smile and a ready laugh, and after all the sullen looks of Lord Carrington over the last few days and weeks, she found that refreshing indeed.

“Do you enjoy a gavotte, my lady?” Blakely asked. “Shall we take to the floor?”

And with an answering smile, Maddy took his proffered hand and let herself be led to the floor, where, pink cheeked and smiling, she spent the next half an hour as Lord Blakely’s partner.

28271/50000

Chapter Twenty

2009-11-16T19:09:00.000-08:00

Maddy stepped into the folly the following day and waited for her eyes to adjust to the dimmer light inside. After a moment, she spotted Jamie, who sat motionless on one of the chaises, a glass of brandy in his hand, his eyes locked on her.

He stood in one fluid motion and crossed to her, kissing her hand formally. “Lady Madeline, thank you for meeting me today.”

She bobbed a curtsy and smiled. “It’s hardly a hardship to spend time with an old friend, my lord,” Maddy said in reply. Moments later, she was seated beside him, her own glass of brandy in her hand. “Are you well, my lord? You seem… uncomfortable.”

Jamie barked out a laugh, noting his rigid posture as he sat at the other end of the chaise, felt the tension in every one of his muscles. “Very perceptive,” he grinned, and she couldn’t help but smile in return, watching as he visibly relaxed. “You said something the other day, about trust, and opening myself up to you. As it’s becoming more and more clear that I’m…”

“You’re?” Maddy prompted.

“Enamored, Lady Madeline, and I thought it only fair to lay out my darkest secret, and let you see for yourself why we are a poor match,” Jamie said in a rush. “But you were right – if something is to come of us, then it is only fair that I trust you.”

“You can tell me anything, my lord. We are, as you’ve reminded me many times, old friends,” Maddy said with an encouraging smile, even as her heart soared at the thought that he was ‘enamored’ with her. “And I’m sure whatever you think is so ‘dark’ is not, truly. I’ve told you my darkest secret in the world – my loveless marriage, my inexperience in sexual relations - so what is yours, Lord Carrington?”

Jamie blushed slightly as his mind abruptly recalled his greatest shame: and his greatest passion.

That small room in Amiens, with Evette on her knees before him, teasing him with her mouth…

That night was indeed his darkest secret, he knew.

And one he couldn’t imagine telling this innocent creature beside him.

“I have many secrets,” he stalled. “I was, after all, a spy.”

“Did you do any truly dastardly deeds?” Madeline asked, her eyes lit with amusement and excitement. “Is that the darkness you speak of?”

Evette reaching down into her boot without his notice as he tilted his head back, her mouth warm on his cock, his neck exposed to her…

“A few,” he said with a wry grin. “Nothing fit to tell a lady, though, and no, that’s not what I wanted to tell you.”

Madeline pretended to pout. “I’ve already admitted that my husband didn’t satisfy me sexually. You really think I’m going to be the only one to share such a shameful secret? As you said, my lord, we’re old friends.”

Evette replacing her mouth with her hand, her fist squeezing his cock almost to the point of pain as she shifted at his feet…

“I don’t want to… I don’t want to offend your sensibilities, Lady Madeline. My greatest secret is depraved, embarrassing, and… sexual in nature. I don’t wish to disrespect you.”

Madeline watched him, her breath hitching in her throat slightly. “Tell me,” she demanded huskily, suddenly sounding in control.

Which nearly sent him out of control.

And before he could blink, Evette pressed the knife to his throat, a blur of French erupting from her mouth, the knifepoint drawing a pinprick of blood…

“Please,” Madeline ordered.

And Jamie coming with more force, more ecstasy than he had ever known, filling Evette’s hand with him, even as she cursed his name.

Lord Carrington sighed, ready to acquiesce to her request, even at the risk of offending her propriety. “As you know, I was a spy in France during the war. I had many contacts, both male and female that passed sensitive information to me. One contact in particular was named Evette, and we met in Amiens on many occasions. You know where Amiens is?”

He paused, but Maddy gestured for him to continue, nodding her head.

“As you can imagine, these… interludes became increasingly heated, and one night, we decided to act on our ‘passions’. I was not particularly attracted to her, but thought that if we had a sexual relationship, I might be able to extract more information from her. As a spy, it was my duty to garner information by any means necessary.”

“I understand,” Madeline said, nodding.

“We were alone in the room, in the middle of the night, and she began to… pleasure me with her mouth. Naturally, I enjoy the sensation, but as with any other woman I’ve been with, it was not the paradise many believe. Until…”

“Until?” Madeline asked, her eyes widening slightly.

Jamie’s voice dropped to a whisper. “As she was… pleasuring me with her mouth, she pulled a knife from her boot and thrust it against my throat, even as she gripped me in her hand. I’ve never… pardon me, my lady, but I’ve never come so hard in my life. I completely and utterly lost control. And that night I learned that I need that element of danger, I need to be out of control of the situation to be fully satisfied. That combination of danger with the knife and pleasure of my manhood was truly the most erotic encounter of my life.”

Madeline licked her dry lips, but waited patiently for him to continue.

“After she threatened to kill me, she ordered me around all night – I was to let her ‘ride me like a stallion’, and to submit to a blindfold while she did all manner of sexual acrobatics with me, all while threatening me with torture, or death.”

Evette astride him, taking him deeply inside her as she raked her nails down his chest and urged him for more…

It was… deeply erotic. Being out of control, being forced to submit… though I hate to admit it, it was the biggest sexual charge of my life, and with a woman I wasn’t even attracted to.”

Evette shoving his hands away as he tried to reach for her breasts, slapping him across the face and calling him her sexual slave, and slaves do nothing without permission…

Maddy sat quietly, waiting for his confessional to continue, sensing that he had more to say to her – and to himself.

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me,” he said after a long pause. “I enjoy women, I always have, but that night – that night changed me. I wasn’t teasing when I said I was a war-torn wreck, because what woman would not only submit to me, but allow me to submit to her? It’s not the natural order of things. It’s wrong. It’s not erotic, it’s not sensual, it’s just… wrong. I’m wrong. I’m wrong, Maddy.” His voice broke at the last moment, and Madeline wanted so badly to reach out her hand to him, to offer him comfort, even as her heart turned over at hearing her own name on his lips.

But she wasn’t sure comfort was what he wanted at this moment.

“You aren’t wrong, my lord,” she said quietly. “By my understanding, there’s no right or wrong when it comes to sexual relations. You simply learned that night what most excites you. What’s wrong in that?”

“To be submissive to a woman? To need to be out of control? How can that not be wrong? How could a knife at my throat make me lose such control? It was everything I could do not to throw her to the ground and thrust myself inside her, even as she was trying to kill me. Which, obviously she didn’t, but still. It excited me, Maddy. More than I care to admit.”

Maddy wasn’t sure what to say to this revelation, but she could visibly see how much it had pained Jamie to admit it.

She felt sure he’d never truly admitted this to anymore – not even himself. She could see him slump back now, the might of revealing his secret seeming to have drained him.

Instead of offering comfort or explanation, she decided to try a different tack.

“Kiss me,” she said firmly after a lengthy pause.

Jamie’s head whipped around, fixing her with a confused stare. “Wh- what?”

“Kiss me,” she repeated, not moving a muscle.

“Lady Madeline,” he said, still watching her. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”

“I know very well what I’m saying,” she countered. “Kiss me.”

Jamie stood abruptly, the room swirling around him with the force of his confession. “I’m… no. I’m not going to…”

Madeline stood now, facing him, her hands on her hips, her eyes suddenly ablaze. “I. Said. Kiss. Me,” she said, enunciating every word.

And with that, something inside him snapped.

He moved forward so quickly, Maddy didn’t have time to move even a muscle. He gripped her upper arms, propelling her backwards until her back bumped against the front door, jarring the breath from her slightly. He slid his hands down her arms, gripping her wrists and with a swift tug, yanked them up above her head, pinning her in place. His body followed a moment later, the length of him pressed her firmly against the solid wood, trapping her in place.

He took a breath, and then brought his lips down to hers, slowing at the last second, kissing her more gently than he intended, rather than crushing his lips to hers as he wanted to. She sighed into his mouth, and he took the opportunity to part her lips, thrusting his tongue into her mouth, tasting her.

Her hands still pinned above her, the bodice of her gown pressed against his chest, he could swear he could feel her nipples through the dress, feel the heat of her body against his as he plundered her mouth again and again, tasting, exploring, wanting more.

She yipped when he bit her lip slightly, and then countered by tracing her tongue along his bottom lip tentatively, making him shiver.

For a woman with little experience in sex, she knew exactly what to do to drive a man wild.

For long minutes, they stood pressed against each other, pinned in place by each other as their mouths were fused, the strength of his erection threatening to explode against his trousers. He wanted so badly to yank down that dress, to lick her nipples, to lick her clit, to truly taste her, to make her come with a scream…
And that’s when he knew he had to stop.

He pulled back from her mouth, and noting the high colour in her cheeks, gently released his grasp on her wrists. Her arms fell limply to her sides, even as she watched him with a veiled expression.

“Well,” she said after a long moment. “That was… new for me.”

“Why did you do that?” He breathed, still staring at her.

“Do what?”

“Force me to…”

“I didn’t force you to do anything,” Maddy said, tugging at her gown self-consciously. “I simply commanded you to kiss me. The rest was… of your own accord.”

“My god, I could have hurt you. Did I hurt you?” he asked hurriedly, his face a mask of horror, but she smiled at him shyly.

“I’m not hurt, my lord,” she whispered. “Unless you count the hurt that I felt that you stopped.”

“I’m not going to sully you in this folly, Lady Madeline. I’m not going to force myself on you in a folly in the middle of nowhere, especially when I’m… I’m not in my right mind.”

“It felt right to me,” she said, daring to reach out and touch his hand. “Truly. I’ve wanted that for a long time. Even more so since the last time we met here.”

“No,” he said firmly. “Not here, not like this.”

“Because you don’t like me?”

“No!” Jamie barked indignantly.

“Oh, so you do?” Maddy said with a teasing grin.

“Maddy… you already know the answer to that.”

“Then is it because you don’t trust me?” Maddy tried again, still watching him as he took another step away from her.

“I just told you… I just told you something I’ve never admitted to anyone, and you question my trust in you?!” Jamie said, his face showing his fury and hurt.

“Is it because you are afraid?” Maddy whispered, wanting so badly to reach out and touch him, but not daring to.

Jamie’s blue eyes locked on hers, and she read so many emotions coursing through them. Finally, he spoke in a whisper. “Yes. I’m afraid. Of losing control. Of having you take control. Of this thing between us fizzling out. Of not ever feeling the way I did in Amiens again. But mostly, I’m afraid of hurting you.”

“If it’s any consolation, my lord,” Maddy said after a long pause. “I’m not afraid. And I trust you. I trust you, Jamie.”

His features softened at the sound of his name on her lips, and he smiled at her softly. “You deserve more. And you’ll have it,” he said, taking a step closer and pressing his lips to her temple tenderly, his emotions back in check. “I promise you that.”

Madeline felt herself shiver at his promise – his threat.

26794/50000

Chapter Nineteen

2009-11-14T05:13:00.000-08:00

“I thought I might find you here,” Lord Blakely said from the stable doorway, making Madeline jump back from where she had been nuzzling and cooing at Peaches.

“Why did you think that?” Madeline asked, straightening her skirt. “I’m not really a horse person, truth be told.”

“Well, I didn’t think it, but I bribed one of the servants to tell me where you were,” Blakely said, chagrined.

Madeline laughed and stepped towards him. He backed out of the door and she linked her hand through his proffered arm and they strolled away from the stable towards the gardens. “You didn’t actually bribe someone,” she said and he smiled.

“No, but I would have if I hadn’t caught sight of you,” Blakely said. “I so enjoyed meeting you and Miss Rivenhall last night, I thought we might get to know each other better today. I love making new acquaintances, and I don’t recall seeing you in society before. Why is that?”

“I’ve not been much in society,” Madeline said. “And I tend to spend the seasons in Bath, rather than London, as it is closer to home and my brother.”

“Not much in society?” Blakely echoed. “Depriving society of such a lovely dancer?”

“How do you know if I can dance, Lord Blakely?”

“Bribery again?” he said, making it a question.

She laughed. “I do enjoy dancing, but often tire of the Season. It’s nice to be away for a spell, able to breathe again. But what of you? Aren’t you missing a prime opportunity to ‘troll’ for a wife?”

“I don’t ‘troll’, Lady Madeline,” he said brusquely, and he felt embarrassment rise in her cheeks. “Skulk, yes, even prowl and occasionally lurk, but never troll,” he said with a teasing grin and she let out a breath and giggled.

“And yet you’re here,” Madeline said. “Among society just without all the social mores of balls and card parties.”

“And yet I am,” Blakely said. “It’s damnably good to see Carrington again. We spent time together in France during the war, but lost touch in the last few months due to… circumstances…”

“Oh, were you a spy as well?”

Blakely’s jaw dropped. “He told you what he did?”

Madeline nodded. “He did. He spoke little of it, but he did confess to spying on the French. Did you as well?”

“No, I was one of his contacts in France, and ferried information back to the English. He was extremely good at his job, and I always enjoyed spending time and learning from him. He was immensely good at his job, and trustworthy to a fault. It’s good to see him again, though he’s certainly not as carefree as I remember.”
“Lord Carrington? Carefree?” Madeline asked in disbelief.

“Oh yes, always ready with a laugh or a joke, but now he seems… reserved. Do you know why?”

Madeline shook her head slowly. “I wish that I did, my lord.”

Blakely watched her for a long moment, deducing why Jamie had been so tense since Blakely had returned… he was in love with this pixie of a girl.

The penny dropped.

“I see,” he said easily, and was about to speak again when they were interrupted by a call behind them. Turning, they spotted Carrington striding towards them at a fair clip. “Hello, Carrington. How are you?” Blakely asked and they shook hands.

“I’m well, Blakely, I’m well, though I have a favor to ask. May I speak with Lady Madeline in private for just a moment? I have an urgent matter to discuss.”

“Of course,” Blakely said, lifting Madeline’s hand from his arm and pressing a kiss to her hand. “Until we meet again,” he said with a smile for her. “In about twenty minutes, I hope. No more than thirty.”
She grinned. “And if it’s forty?”

“Bribery,” he said and she laughed out loud. Blakely walked away, whistling, then turned to Jamie, who was practically scowling at her, trying to deduce what the devil Blakely was talking about bribery for.

“What is so urgent, my lord?” She asked, suddenly concerned. “Has something happened to Fitz? To Rose?”

Jamie didn’t speak, but instead took her arm and tugged her into the tree line, still scowling, moving quickly. “My lord…” Madeline protested, tugging at him. “My lord, you’re hurting me.”

Jamie froze in step and dropped her arm as though he was burned. “I’m…. I’m sorry,” he said softly, not daring to look at her, fearing she would see the emotions on his face.

Fear.

Jealousy.

Lust.

“I… It’s all right, my lord,” she said quietly. “You seem so vexed. What’s the matter? Can I help? What is troubling you?”

God, she was an angel.

He manhandled her and she wanted to comfort him.

“I’m quite well,” he said clearing his throat. “I’ve simply come to ask a favor.”

“And what is that?” Madeline asked wearily.

“Will you… will you meet me? Tomorrow? I wish to speak to you… privately.”

Madeline watched him with concern and confusion, and then slowly nodded her head. “Of course, my lord. Are you sure nothing is amiss?”

“Nothing, I just… there are things that need to be said,” Jamie said gently. “And I can’t let more days slip by without telling you.”

Madeline nodded again, and then straightened her shoulders. “Where and when, my lord?”

“Two o’clock, in the folly,” he said. “Everyone else should be napping or out shooting at that hour, so we won’t arouse suspicion by meeting together.”

“Will we be doing anything suspicious?” Madeline asked with a ghost of and smile and he suddenly grinned, making it seem as though the sun had broken through the clouds to her mind.

“You never know,” he said cryptically. “Tomorrow at two, then.”

“Yes, my lord,” she said faintly as he turned to walk away.

“Jamie,” he muttered. “Just Jamie.”

“Jamie,” she whispered, knowing he couldn’t hear her.

But he smiled as he walked away, having heard her just the same.

24567/50000

Chapter Eighteen

2009-11-14T05:11:00.000-08:00

In the first few minutes since his arrival, Maddy and Rose had learned that Lord Blakely was the son of the incredibly wealthy and connected Marquess of Hawkridge, and that he had an easy laugh and happy manners, turning their formerly sour dispositions about Lady Drake around completely.

He was quick to introduce himself to everyone in the room, spending a few minutes talking with all of them, regardless of station or title. Lord Blakely was tall and elegant, almost as tall as Jamie, and though completely devoid of hair, was only two and thirty, and he carried himself as though he were used to the mantle of Marquess’ son.

And the two ladies agreed he had the loveliest voice and the nicest smile they had ever seen.

Though Jamie still made her heart skip a beat, Maddy had to admit that Lord Blakely was charming and attractive – much more so than anyone else ensconced at Rotherham for the house party.

After introducing himself to everyone, he returned to Rose and Maddy and seated himself beside them on the chaise with a snifter of brandy in his hand. “And how are you enjoying Rotherham? How are you acquainted with Carrington?” he asked the ladies, though his eyes were mostly trained on Madeline.

“Lord Carrington and my brother and I are old friends, my lord. We were recently reacquainted in Bath, and were happy to return to Rotherham for a visit, as it’s been many years since I was here. Rose is my dearest friend, and joined us on the journey. We’ve known each other since we were children.”

“Would it be too rakish to ask about your husbands?” Lord Blakely said. “It would, wouldn’t it? Altogether tacky. Blast.”

Both girls laughed, and then Rose answered for them both. “We are both quite unattached, my lord.”

“You know if you hadn’t answered, I would have found out before the evening was out anyway. I have spies,” he said with a winsome smile. “And have no gentlemen caught your eye here at the party?”

“You make it sound as though the only reason to attend a house party is to troll for a husband,” Maddy shot back tartly, and Blakely laughed.

“True enough. I apologize – it was not my intention. Besides, ladies of your standing and beauty need not troll for anything, I think,” Blakely returned. “Carrington had mentioned you both to me, but seemingly left out how uncommonly pretty you both are.”

“You are very forward, Lord Blakely,” Rose said and he laughed.

“Indeed I am. It is one of my greatest faults,” he agreed with a shrug.

“On the contrary,” Maddy said easily. “Honesty and forwardness are quite refreshing, especially in this company.”

“Oooh? I sense there is a story there, Lady Winchester,” Blakely said with an arched eyebrow.

“Indeed, but not a story for tonight,” Maddy shot back with a smile. “And we might ask where your wife is, Lord Blakely?”

He shook his head with mock sadness. “Unfortunately, no woman with any sense would have me. I’m left all on my own. A tragedy, truly, as I’m told I’m quite charming.”

“Poor dear,” Rose said in mock sympathy, and they all laughed. “And the verdict on your charm is still out, my lord.”

Blakely laughed. “Lady Rivenhall, Lady Winchester, I think I’m going to enjoy getting to know you immensely. I look forward to seeing you tomorrow.”

“And I you, my lord,” Maddy said happily. “Presuming we aren’t out ‘trolling’.”

“Oh, I’m never going to be forgiven for that misstep, am I?” Lord Blakely teased, rising smoothly and smiling. “Good night, Lady Winchester, Lady Rivenhall. I look forward to seeing you both in the morning.”

And with a kiss on the hand for each lady, he strode out of the room, and the two women exchanged happy smiles. The party was looking up, indeed.

###

Bloody hell, Jamie thought from across the room.

He and Blakely were old friends from Town – and had grown closer through Blakely’s war efforts as well, but he suddenly thought that inviting him to Rotherham House for the party might have been a mistake indeed.
Blakely was all easy smiles and happy manners – everyone who knew him found him charming and witty, intelligent and easy to talk to. Men wanted to befriend him, and women wanted to wed him.

Clearly, Madeline and Rose were in agreement of that assessment, as he watched them smile silly smiles at him.

Jamie liked Blakely, but he didn’t like the way he and Madeline were looking at each other.
In the least.

He hadn’t seen Madeline smile so much in days, and Rose looked equally enamored with Blakely. Trevor too, appeared to enjoy their company, and smiled a great deal at Madeline himself.

Jamie could feel himself fuming, though without justification.

He didn’t want Madeline just because of competition from Blakely – he had wanted her, heart and soul, since meeting her again in Bath. Having Blakely around, however, definitely put things into perspective – he had been a bloody fool keeping her at arm’s length.

Jamie was always too competitive for his own good, and he could feel the aggressive spirit rising as Madeline and Rose giggled together, and he caught snatches of their conversation as Blakely exited the room: “Lord Blakely… frightfully funny… beautiful smile… charming…”

Damn it, he was all those things too… wasn’t he?

Wasn’t he?

Not that he had ever shown Madeline.

Maybe it was time to start… time to open up to her, and see where that led.

If nothing came of it, he would wish Madeline and Trevor great joy.

But not until the final bell had rung for him absolutely.

23571/50000

Chapter Seventeen

2009-11-14T05:09:00.000-08:00

“Lady Madeline.”

Maddy whirled around at the sound of Jamie’s voice – she had been lost in her own reverie as she walked slowly around the garden, trying to rid herself of energy that had been pent up all day. The sun was beginning to set, and everyone had returned to the house after the picnic, satiated and exhausted, but Maddy found herself needing to move, to be alone with her thoughts for a while.

But truth be told, she more than welcomed the company of Lord Carrington.

“My lord,” she said with a curtsy. “Did you enjoy the picnic today?”

“Very much, though I was disappointed we weren’t able to speak more,” Jamie said after a short bow, falling into step beside her. “You appeared to enjoy yourself, though.”

“I did, my lord,” Maddy said with a smile.

“Lady Madeline…” Jamie hesitated. “Do you ever think there will be a time when you will not call me ‘lord’?”
Maddy looked at him, surprised by the question. “Whatever do you mean?”

“I just… no matter.” Jamie looked confused. “It’s still just so hard to hear my friends refer to me as ‘my lord’. At times, I long to just be Jameson again.”

“It wouldn’t be proper to use your Christian name,” Maddy said softly.

“Ah, we’re back to being proper, are we?” Jamie asked, his eyes full of challenge.

“I assume so, yes,” Maddy said tartly. “I just assumed you were avoiding me after our…”

“Kiss?” Jamie filled in for her.

“Yes, my lord.”

“I would be lying to say I hadn’t thought much of that kiss since then, but I know it wouldn’t be… proper… to pursue it. Or you,” Jamie said, his voice low.

“Because I’m a widow, shunned by society?”

“Because of what might happen between us if I were to pursue you, my lady. It could be… dangerous for both of us.”

Maddy stopped in the path and looked at him, her eyes full of questions. “Dangerous?”

“Yes, my lady.”

“Why?” Maddy shot back.

“Because… it does not matter. I’d rather not say. I just think, out of respect for your brother and your standing in society…”

“I have no standing, my lord,” Maddy said hotly.

“You are a gentleman’s daughter, and no matter your past, you will always have standing in society. And I refuse to…”

“To what?” Maddy asked, becoming increasingly aggravated and confused.

Jamie shook his head, as though to rid himself of their awkward conversation. “I refuse to take you were I know you don’t wish to go.”

Maddy stared at him, more confused than ever. “”My lord, you are making no sense. I thought that we…”
“Leave it, Lady Madeline,” Jamie said, though it pained him to do so.

Maddy watched him for a long moment, and then took a deep breath. “My lord, why do you keep yourself so restrained around women? You were never one to step back from a pursuit. You were quite the rake before you left, by all accounts, but now that you have returned from France, you treat me, at least, as though I were a china doll, unable to stand up to a kiss or two. Or more. Are you afraid for me, or are you afraid of yourself?”

“I…” Jamie wasn’t able to answer, stunned by her astute observation of his character since the war. He knew that to love her would be to unman himself, to ask her to go somewhere he was sure she would not want to go.

“You are, aren’t you?” Madeline asked. “You are afraid of yourself.”

Jamie nodded, once, but said nothing.

“Well, I am not afraid, my lord. But by the same token, I’m not going to pin my hopes and emotions on a man who is unwilling to let me into his head, to open himself up to me. A relationship is based on absolute trust, and absolute willingness to share themselves, and clearly, my lord, you are in no position to do so.”

“And did you absolutely trust and share with your officer husband?” Jamie shot back, stung by her words.

“My marriage is no concern of yours,” Maddy shot back. “And it’s hardly fair to bring Henry into this, when he has nothing to do with it.”

“But based on your confession, you didn’t love each other, and so, how could you trust him?”

“At least Henry talked to me!” Maddy said, tears of frustration springing to her eyes. “You treat me with kid gloves, and yet, I could feel what was between us in the folly. What are you so afraid of?”

Jamie took a step forward, closing the distance between them. Maddy held her ground, though she was trembling at his nearness. Tenderly, he reached up and brushed back a lock of her hair, blown loose by the breeze. Tucking it behind her ear, he cupped her cheek briefly, his mouth opening and closing as he tried to think of what to say.

“No, my lord,” Maddy said, taking a step back, though it pained her to do so. “I will not be pulled in by you again. Until you can open up to me, I refuse to turn my heart over to you.”

And with that, she stormed away, wiping at her eyes angrily.

###

“Really, must she sit so close?” Rose hissed to Madeline, who was seated beside her on the chaise. They had both been watching Lady Drake inch closer and closer to Jamie on the couch on which they both sat across the room from Rose and Madeline. After dinner, everyone was gathered in the parlor, drinking and chatting about the picnic earlier that day, though Lady Drake seemed to be doing considering more chatting to Lord Carrington than he to her.

“As if he wasn’t aware of her interest in him, she has to make sure he is well aware of her intentions to snare him,” Maddy said in return. “She’s shameless. You had to admire her forthrightness, I suppose.”

“I don’t have to admire that. I just wondering how many more times she’s going to thrust her cleavage in his direction, making sure he takes note of it,” Rose shot back, and Maddy snorted a giggle. “Yes, dear, we all see that you have breasts.”

Maddy giggled again, though she was more than a little put out at Lady Drake’s forwardness, and at Jamie’s apparent appreciation of her… assets. Over the next few minutes, she watched Jamie engage Lady Drake more and more with talking and laughter, and felt her mood growing increasingly stormy.

Surely he wasn’t truly interested in her? Maddy thought to herself. After all his talk today in the garden, though, it was clear he was going to make no overtures to Maddy. Perhaps he had decided Lady Drake was a safer bet – and a smarter one for the future.

Maddy shuddered at the thought of Jamie taking a shine to Lady Drake, leaving Madeline out in the cold.

“She’s so brazen,” Rose said as they watched Lady Drake lay a hand on Jamie’s thigh, leaning in to whisper something in his ear flirtatiously. Something that made him smile broadly.

Maddy could only imagine what Lady Drake was saying, but she was sure she wouldn’t like it.

“God, I’m tired of this little show of hers,” Maddy snapped, making Rose sit back in surprise.

“Why, Maddy, you are positively green with envy!” Rose declared. “I thought you and Lord Carrington… well, I thought there was nothing there.”

“Not so,” Maddy said shortly. “At least, not on my end. But apparently, he has moved on to greener, more gentried pastures.”

“Oh god,” Rose murmured. “Surely the man has more taste than to be interested in such a snooty, cold fish.”

“I wouldn’t bet on it,” Maddy whispered back. “She may be exactly the woman he needs – someone to be at his beck and call, someone who doesn’t care about trust or emotion, simply on what there is to gain from a match between them.”

Rose’s jaw dropped at Maddy’s poisoned words, and was about to speak when the door to the parlor slammed open and a tall man strode through, trailed quickly by Jamie’s butler. “The Right Honorable Earl of Weststoke, Trevor Blakely,” he intoned, and the man smiled at the assembled party.

“Terribly sorry to be so late to the party, but I’m here now!” he said jovially, and he and Jamie bowed and shook hands with each other, both grinning widely.

“Blakely! About time you made it!” Jamie said with a grin. “We’d quite despaired of you making it to Rotherham at all!”

“I think things are about to get much more interesting,” Rose said with a wide smile. “Because that man looks as though he could liven things up considerably.”

22622/50000

Chapter Sixteen

2009-11-14T05:06:00.000-08:00

Jamie lay with his hands behind his head, staring at the darkened ceiling of his bedroom.

Everyone had long since retired for the night, but he found himself unable to sleep, haunted as he was by the kiss he and Madeline had shared earlier that day in the folly.

And by his imaginings of undressing her in that secluded spot, exposing inch after inch of silken skin, then exploring her body with all with his fingers, his lips, his tongue, his entire body…

But if he were to ever, ever give in to those urgings, it could have dire consequences.

Punching his pillow, he rolled over and closed his eyes, feigning sleep.

If he were to truly possess the lovely Lady Madeline, several things could happen: he could hurt her with his urgency and need; he could scare her, or push her into going to places she didn’t want to go.

Or, he could take her, and realize that despite his lust for her, she still couldn’t give him what he desperately wanted.

He’d bedded women since he was a young man, but it wasn’t until Amiens that he realized what had been missing from all those interludes. He, of course, had found pleasure in his couplings, but in Amiens, he found that true release, that true bliss that he had been searching for.

And under the most unacceptable circumstances.

Madeline had revealed her secret to him – her few experiences at lovemaking had been perfunctory, sparse in number, and frankly, without pleasure in the least.

If he were to reveal his secret, he would be unmanning himself.

And he wasn’t sure what was worse – having her know his secret.

Or having her act on it.

###

“You don’t seem very excited about the picnic today, poppet,” Rose said, taking a sip of tea and looking over at Madeline. “Are you quite all right?”

Maddy nodded. “I’m fine, just tired. I slept quite poorly last night.”

To say she slept poorly was a gross understatement; Maddy had been awake half the night, remembering every moment of her kiss with Jamie, every touch of his hands on her.

For the first time in her entire life, she had felt those stirring of passion in her belly, had felt her knees grow weak at his touch – something Henry had never given her.

And it she was honest with herself, she craved all those feelings – and much more.

She knew seeing Jamie again today would stir up all her emotions again, but she feared that they would return to that stilted, polite relationship they’d had only a few days before, rather than one of honesty and shared kisses.

“I slept like the dead,” Rose said easily, then straightening imperceptibly in her chair as Fitzwilliam strode in with a grin.

“Good morning, ladies,” he said easily, and they answered in kind. “Are we ready for a day of feasting in the out of doors?”

“Absolutely,” Rose said with a smile. “Are you?”

“I love a picnic, though honestly, most of my picnics in the past have involved only one lady and a very secluded spot,” Fitz said with a rakish grin.

“Fitz!” Maddy exclaimed with a grin. “It’s much too early to hear of your conquests.”

“In that case, shall we make for the carriages and be off? I promise to behave myself… at least for a while,” Fitz said with a smile, escorting the ladies from the room.

###

It was the perfect day for a picnic – warm sunshine and a light breeze that swayed the tall grasses surrounding the party. They had found a hill that afforded beautiful views of the valley below, and were all seated comfortably on well-worn quilts, several baskets laden with food and wine within arm’s reach. Everyone attending Jamie’s house party was in attendance, and there was a lot of chatter and laughing and general merriment.

The only thing not within reach, Maddy thought, was Jamie, who was seated as far away from her as possible, separated by the entire group of friends gathered together.

Oh, he had been polite when he wished them all good morning and led the party to the carriages, but had not spoken a word to Maddy since. She did think, though it might be her imagination, that he held her hand a beat too long as he helped her into the carriage, but a split second’s touch was hardly anything to base her emotions on.

Since then, nothing.

If she was honest, she was a bit embarrassed by her forwardness yesterday in the folly, not only in the way she had spoken to Jamie about his wishes, but also in her forward manner in wishing for more – though she was sure he had not heard her say that as they had departed.

And yet, she found herself also exhilarated and excited by what had transpired between them, and she definitely wished for more.

But if he wasn’t even able to look at her, what did that mean for them? Was it just a one time kiss, an experiment between friends?

Surely not.

She glanced over to where Jamie was sprawled on the ground, Lady Drake sitting as close to him as was proper in mixed company, and felt herself scowling a bit at their familiarity. A moment later, though, Jamie looked over at her, and their eyes locked.

And in that look, she knew those roiling emotions weren’t only her own.

She could see desire and need in his eyes, and when he gave her a small, secret smile, she felt her bones melt, and was surprised she didn’t burst into flame from the heat in his eyes. She glanced around to make sure no one else had caught the silent exchange between them, and then glanced back at him, a small smile on her lips.
Perhaps there was possibility between them after all.

“Lady Madeline,” he said, speaking over the heads of several attendees, “are you enjoying the picnic today?”
“Very much, my lord,” she said with a smile. “It’s just what I’ve wished for.” She echoed her sentiments from the day before, and his eyes widened imperceptibly. “I hope it will happen again, my lord.”

His lips quirked into a small smile, and she knew that he caught her meaning, realizing she was repeated what they had said to each other in secret yesterday. She only hoped that he would return the feelings in kind.

“As do I, Lady Madeline. I very much wish for it to happen again. Perhaps we will… have another picnic soon,” he said, his eyes still locked on hers, both of them oblivious to the chatter surrounding them both from the other picnickers.

“Yes, my lord,” she said smoothly. “Perhaps we will.”

As they both tore their gazes from each other, both were smiling softly.

21153/50000

Chapter Fifteen

2009-11-08T18:32:00.000-08:00

The next morning, Jamie and Madeline were quiet as they exited the stables, both nervous for very different reasons.

After a few miles of ambling along, however, they found their stride – both on their mounts and in conversation, once Madeline allowed herself to think her outburst the day before was truly forgotten between them.

They spoke easily as they trotted along – of the estate, of Bath, of their families, and of the latest news coming out from Europe. Madeline found Jamie well spoken and well versed in nearly every subject (admittedly, he was a bit lost when it came to women’s fashions), an engaging and interesting companion to talk to.

Which made him just so much more perfect, she mused, ducking to avoid a low slung branch.

Lord Carrington, though, wasn’t so lucky.

One minute they were chatting pleasantly, and before Madeline could blink twice, Jamie had been thrown to the ground, a trickle of blood at his temple.

“Oh my god,” Madeline breathed, dismounting in a flurry of skirts and scurrying to his side. Lord Carrington lay prone on the ground, his eyes closed and with a slice across his temple where a branch had clearly unseated him. “Lord Carrington? Lord Carrington!” Madeline pleaded, laying her hands against the cut and shaking him slightly to awake him.

After the longest twenty seconds of her life, his eyes flicked open and focused unsteadily on her. “What…” he winced as he moved his head. “What happened?”

“A branch knocked you to the ground, my lord, and you’ve cut your head. Just lay still for a moment, let me try and stop the bleeding…” Madeline pressed her glove against his temple for a few more seconds, even as Jamie sought out her other hand and held it in both of his, a gesture they both seemed to take comfort in.
“You’re like an angel,” he breathed and she smiled softly.

“That branch must have hit you harder than we thought if you think that,” she said lightly, and he laughed, and then winced again. “Can you sit up? The bleeding seems to have slowed.”

With a bit of a struggle, Jamie sat up, squeezing his eyes shut to try and block out the spinning of the woods around them. Another long moment later, and he stood unsteadily on his feet, his eyes shooting to his mount. “Is he hurt?”

“Not at all, my lord,” Madeline said as they both eyed the stallion. “You took the fall alone. Can you ride back to the house?”

Jamie took stock of his body – nothing felt broken, but his mind seemed to be sloshing around in his skull a bit. Perhaps a ride wasn’t what he needed right now, as he feared his brain might slide right out of his ears. Looking around, he determined their position on the estate and shook his head, then winced. Again.

“I don’t think I’m able to ride, but we aren’t far from the folly on the grounds. Perhaps if I could just rest there for a while…”

Madeline nodded then grabbed the reins of both horses and matched Jamie’s slow pace along the path. “Are you sure you can walk that far, my lord?”

“As long as we move no faster than this,” Jamie said, and swaying only slightly, led the way towards the stone folly.

Moments later, they emerged from the tree line and Madeline spied the marble folly, nestled in the trees, looking out over a small, still lake. She breathed in deeply, enchanted with the beautiful and secluded spot.
Carefully, she helped Jamie up the steps, the folly a classically domed rotunda building, styled after the Greek temples of eons ago. Dodging the portico’s columns, she managed to wedge the door open and helped Jamie inside.

The inside was painted a vivid blue, and featured several comfortable chaises, a worn rug in the center of the floor, and several blankets to ward off the chill. She spied a stack of books along one wall, a bottle of brandy and several glasses beside it. It was truly cozy and lovely inside, she mused as she closed the door behind them.

“Here, my lord, sit down,” she said, guiding him gently to a chaise. Jamie went without argument, sinking down heavily with a slight groan. “I’ll fetch you a brandy.”

After taking a fortifying sip, Jamie raised his head. “That’s better. Thank you, Lady Madeline.”

“I’m just sorry you were hurt at all,” Madeline said regretfully.

“Nonsense,” Jamie said. “It takes a lot more than a fall from a horse to hurt me.”

“Oh yes, I forgot. You’re a larger than life war hero,” Madeline quipped, nipping a sip of brandy from her own glass.

“I am indeed,” Jamie said with a grin.

“This is a lovely spot. I imagine you used to seek refuge here?” Madeline asked, looking around the room.

“Quite often before I left for France,” Jamie agreed. “I always thought of it as my spot, something no one else knew existed. Many times I would hide away here, lost in my own thoughts, in my books, escaping the world outside.”

Madeline nodded. “I never knew it was here. In the times we visited your estate as children, I don’t recall ever seeing it.”

Jamie smiled, remembering Madeline as a tow-headed child, chasing after he and Fitz, wanting to be part of their games.

And now, she was sitting near him, an enchanting pixie, the tow-headed child long gone.

“What are you smiling at, sir?” Madeline inquired, noting his expression.

“Just remembering us as children here,” Jamie said. “Those were some of the happiest times of my life.”

“Are you not happy now, my lord?”

“Life is very different now,” he admitted. “And I’m a different man than I was then.”

“And yet, still clumsy.”

Jamie chuckled, and Madeline smiled, teasing him. After a long pause, she spoke again. “Did you see horrible things? In France during the war? You always become so introspective when you mention it, as though it weighs heavily on you.”

“I did see horrible things. And I’m ashamed of my part in some of them, and proud of others,” he said quietly, and she nodded again, seeming to understand.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t pry,” she said, embarrassed by her questioning.

“Not at all,” Jamie quieted her. “Sometimes, it’s nice to be able to talk about it with someone.”

Some of it, he thought darkly. Madeline must never know of his darkest secret from that time – and his darkest passion.

“Well, I am always ready to listen if you need a willing ear, my lord,” she said and he smiled tenderly at her.
“Thank you,” he said, and then winced as he rotated his head slightly, his head thudding slightly.

“Are you quite all right?” Madeline asked, worry in her voice. She closed the distance between them, until they were sitting thigh to thigh on the narrow chaise. “Let me see that cut.”

He angled his head towards her obediently, and watched her eyes as she gently touched the skin around his cut, her fingers barely brushing his skin. Her eyes held a mixture of worry and tenderness, and he felt himself warm from the inside out at her concern and closeness.

Without thought, he raised his hand and covered hers with his, tugging it down and lacing their fingers together, and then laying them against his thigh. Taking a breath, he leaned forward and gently brushed his lips to hers.

Her felt, rather than heard, her small squeak of surprise, and pressed his lips to hers again, swallowing the sound, and this time, he heard her tiny moan of delight and compliance. After a moment, he traced the seam of her lips with his tongue, and her lips parted slightly, allowing him entrance.

He could feel her trembling at the kiss, and brought his other palm to her cheek as though to still her shivering, never breaking the kiss between them. One kiss became another, and then another, and Jamie lost all track of time as he explored her mouth, his hands aching to touch her curves, his breeches becoming painfully taut.
He would swear, if he opened his eyes, lightning flashes of attraction would be bolting between them, dancing around the room around them.

His eyes remained closed, however, as he shifted to bring his body closer to Madeline, his hand dropping from her cheek to her shoulder, and then he so wanted to move it lower…

An image of Amiens flashed across his mind as he felt Madeline press herself closer to him, willing for his touch, and he pulled back suddenly, breaking the kiss and practically bolting from the chaise.

She merely looked at him as he stood above her, her lips bruised and full, her eyes bright and her cheeks flushed with pleasure.

He couldn’t do this. He mustn’t do this. She was all that was goodness and light, and he…

He could never be goodness and light, not when what he wanted was so dark.

“I…” He swallowed thickly, willing the blood flow back to his brain instead of his breeches. “I should not have done that, my lady.”

Madeline said nothing, merely watched him.

“It was wrong.”

She continued to watch him, her expression serene.

“Forgive me, my lady.”

She stood then, calmly brushing her skirts with her hands, then standing tall in his shadow. “There is nothing to forgive, my lord. I have wished for that for some time, and somehow, I think you have too.” Her eyes flicked to the front of his pants where his erection was still painfully pressed to the seam, though he could have sworn he imagined it.

He was shocked by her boldness of speech, and took a step back, needing to put space between them. “What I wish is of no concern. I should not have pressed myself onto you in that manner.”

“So you admit it?”

“Admit what?” he asked, confused by her question.

“That you wish it?” Madeline asked, her voice a mere whisper.

Jamie squeezed his eyes shut, taking another step back, putting more distance between them. “I wish you no disrespect, my lady.”

“Answer the question, my lord,” Madeline asked, her voice suddenly steely.

“I…”

“Answer me.”

Oh god…

Another flash of Amiens came to mind, Yvette’s voice echoing in his mind, that same commanding tone, telling him, no, ordering him to…

He shook the vision away, then met Madeline’s gaze squarely. “Yes. I have wished it. I have wished it since the moment I saw you at the Abbey in Bath. But that does not mean it will happen again. It should not, and will not.”

“My lord…” Madeline took a step forward, still watching him. “I have wished for it as well.”

“And now it is done,” Jamie said, suddenly not trusting his voice. “And because of my respect for you and your brother and the memory of your father, I beg your forgiveness and assure it will not happen again. Shall we return to the house?” He asked, quickly striding across the room despite the pounding in his skull and wrenching the door open.

“But what if I want it to happen again?” He thought he heard her say softly as her footfalls followed his down the steps.

But he must have misheard her, he convinced himself. No lady of such standing and elegance as Lady Madeline would reduce herself to stolen kisses in a folly.

They walked back to Rotherham House in silence, Jamie making sure that several yards and two horses were between them at all times.

He had been enchanted by the pixie, he thought, almost angrily.

And now that he’d had a taste, he ached for more.

20013/50000

Chapter Fourteen

2009-11-08T17:03:00.000-08:00

I can’t believe I told him, Maddy thought to herself, striding purposefully around the garden, impatiently tugging her wrap around her shoulders as it slid off again.

I told him that I had little experience in making love, and that what I did have was unsatisfactory, she thought angrily.

I told Lord Carrington about my sexual relations with my dead husband, Maddy thought, sinking onto a nearby bench, and that it wasn’t good.

And he didn’t even tease me about it.

In fact, he made the act itself sound… wondrous.

Henry always made it seem like a chore he wanted to put off, and put off, and put off.

But still, I told Jamie – Lord Carrington – about my bedroom experience. The man I’ve been wanting since his return to France now knows that not only am I damaged goods, but that I’ve no experience as well.
Me and my stupid mouth, Maddy chastised herself, jumping as Rose approached, startling her.

“You look lost in thought, and angry about it,” Rose said, sitting down beside her. “Is something amiss?”

“Nothing,” Maddy said sullenly.

“Did you not have a good ride with Lord Carrington? I thought you’d be ever so pleased that you finally got to spend time with him. And alone, you chit.”

Maddy sighed and gave a small smile, and then leaned into her friend. “Oh, Rose. It was actually a wonderful ride – he was polite and pleasant, and we talked for ages before returning to the stables. It almost felt like old times, but with a frisson of… excitement, I suppose. But then I…”

“You what?”

“I think I ruined it.” Maddy thought back to their ride. After her confession, they had stood up and mounted the horses only minutes later, and ridden back to Rotherham House in near silence, she humiliated, and she could only guess at Jamie’s feelings.

She knew that silence equaled disappointment and disgust in Jamie’s eyes, she knew it.

“How did you ruin it?”

“It doesn’t matter. Truly, it doesn’t,” Maddy said evenly.

“My darling friend, perhaps…” Rose trailed off. “Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be.”

“My very thought,” Maddy said softly.

“He is so much higher in society than anyone of our acquaintance. I’m sure he is expected to marry someone of equally high standing. Like that dreadful…”

“Oh, don’t say her name,” Maddy pleaded, interrupting her. “I’ve had a bad enough day.”

Rose giggled. “Well, nonetheless, I know you are very fond of Lord Carrington, and I’m sure he is fond of you as well, because who wouldn’t be? But still…”

“But still,” Maddy agreed. “You are right. I should just put him out of my mind. I’m happy to be acquainted with him, but nothing more can come of it. Done. Finished.”

“There you are then!”

So why didn’t it feel done and finished?, Maddy ruminated as she and Rose headed for the house.

She still ached to talk to Jamie again.

And to learn more about that ‘greatest pleasure’ he had spoken about.

She really was a chit, she thought gloomily, stepping into the house behind her friend.

###

Jamie was determined to find her before dinner.

If he was going to have to sit through another interminable dinner hour, he was going to make damn sure he had something to look forward to afterwards.

Catching sight of a blonde head on the stair above him, he practically sprinted until he was on the same stair as Madeline, towering over her. “Lady Madeline,” he said, smiling slightly.

“Lord… Lord Carrington,” Madeline said, bobbing a curtsy, and avoiding his eyes assiduously.

“Lady Madeline? Are you ill?” He was suddenly concerned… why wouldn’t she look at him? Why wouldn’t she meet his gaze?

“I’m quite well, my lord. I was just going to rest before dinner in my room,” Madeline said softly, inching up another stair.

He stopped her by resting his hand on her arm, then took another step up. “Please, wait, Lady Madeline.”
“My lord…”

“Why will you not look at me?”Jamie asked softly.

“I’m… I’m embarrassed, my lord. About what I said today. It was… most impolitic, and I beg you to forgive me.” Madeline said plaintively. “Please, let me return to my room.”

“I have something to ask you before I’ll let you go,” Jamie said, his voice low. “But first, I want you to look at me. Please.”

After a long pause, Madeline raised her blue eyes to his, and he detected a shimmer of tears in them. “Lady Madeline... please do not trouble yourself about today. Truly. It’s not worth tears… it doesn’t even warrant mentioning again, if you wish it.”

“I…”

“I was going to ask you if you would like to go riding again tomorrow. With me. I so enjoyed our trip out today, I thought we might repeat the journey,” Jamie asked, surprised to find his heart in his throat, willing her to say yes, to agree to see him again.

“You… you do? You want me to ride with you again?”

“I do, yes,” Jamie replied. “I enjoyed our time together.”

“As did I, my lord. But your other guests…”

“Will understand that I wish to spend time with an old friend,” Jamie finished for her.

“And what of Lady Drake? Surely she wishes to ride with you again,” Madeline asked, sniffling slightly.

“She will simply have to be left to dig her claws in someone else for the day,” Jamie said unkindly. “She is not the type of company I wish to have tomorrow. I wish for your company, Lady Madeline.”

“I… I would be happy to accompany you, my lord,” Madeline said softly, curtsying again. “I shall see you at dinner.”

Before she could move, he reached up and cupped her cheek in his palm for the briefest moment. “Please don’t cry. It will be my undoing,” he whispered softly.

Madeline’s eyes widened at his uncharacteristically gentle words, and she blinked the unshed tears away furiously. “As you wish, my lord.”

And with that, she fled upstairs.

18051/50000

Chapter Thirteen

2009-11-08T14:50:00.000-08:00

Jamie couldn’t seem to relax into the saddle atop Thunder, not with Madeline only a few feet away, sitting atop a spirited white mare and grinning happily.

“I’m so glad you suggested a ride today, my lord,” she said, turning to him as they trotted along. “It’s truly lovely here. It must have been hard for you to leave it behind for so long.”

“It was indeed,” Jamie agreed, glancing around, and then settling his gaze on her, needing someone to confide in who wouldn’t judge him. “I feel as though I still have a lot of catching up to do. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to return to Bath for some time yet, until things are settled here.”

“That’s understandable,” she said reasonably. “Besides, you want to prove to your tenants that you are here to stay; re-earn their trust, as it were.”

“Exactly,” he said. She’d read his mind – those very thoughts had been flashing around in his brain since his return, and since seeing the standoffish nature of his tenants since he came back to Rotherham. Everyone was deferential, but unwilling to speak too plainly. Even his steward was not speaking his mind, much to Jamie’s chagrin. He had a lot of business to catch up on, now more than ever as the country repairs itself from a war. “Not to mention they keep hounding me to find a wife to care for the house.”

“I imagine it must be very tiresome, my lord, to be so pursued and everyone eager for you to wed and start siring heirs. What an inconvenience to your rakish lifestyle.”

Her face was impassive, but he heard the teasing tone in her voice, and he smiled. “Tiresome indeed,” he shot back, and she grinned then.

“And what of you, Lady Madeline? I imagine you cause a stir wherever you go,” Jamie said, slowing his stallion to a slow walk. “Shall we walk for a bit, rest the horses?”

She nodded and they dismounted, leaving the horses to graze in a copse of trees and walking into the shadows of a giant oak tree, a light breeze tousling both of their blond locks. “I cause a stir, my lord, but for all the wrong reasons,” Madeline said softly, in reference to his earlier statement.

“And why is that?” Jamie asked. “They’ve never seen a blonde sprite in their midst before?”

Madeline grinned and patted her hair self consciously. “I’m not a sprite, my lord.”

“A fairy then, sent to enchant us all.”

“Hardly,” she said quietly, her cheeks reddening. “It isn’t nice to tease me.”

“I’ve never known you to shrink back from teasing – or to shrink from teasing others,” Jamie said with a small smile.

“I thought you’d forgiven me for that,” Madeline said, suddenly unsure.

“My lady, I would not forgive you if you stopped teasing me. It’s nice to have at least one person put me in my place, rather than being so bloody deferential all the time, just because of my title.” He paused, abashed. “Pardon my harsh words, my lady.”

Madeline waved a hand dismissively. “It is so very hard, being an earl, with all this at your disposal?” She asked, waving a hand at the fields surrounding them.

“More often than not, yes,” Jamie said heavily. “And since coming home, it’s been… much more apparent what is expected of me, and even harder to deliver that.”

“The perfect earl with the perfect estate with the perfect family?” Madeline asked, her tone sympathetic, instead of teasing.

He nodded, and looked out across the fields. “I just want to succeed here. But it’s hard to do alone.”

“You seem to have a wonderful staff to help you,” Madeline said, and Jamie nodded again. “And they think most highly of you.”

“It’s true, I suppose, but…” Jamie trailed off. “Still, let us talk of happier things rather than of business. Tell me about you and your life while I’ve been away.”

Madeline sighed slightly, and then spoke. “I live very quietly, my lord. Since my husband’s passing, I have found my place in society a bit more… difficult to ascertain. I know that Fitz is desperate for me to remarry and be happy, and though he would never deny me anything, I hate being so reliant on him for my living.”
“Your husband left you nothing?” Jamie asked, his tone serious.

“Very… very little, my lord.”

“What was your officer like?” Jamie asked, sitting down on the ground and leaning against the trunk of the massive tree. After a moment, Madeline joined him, smoothing her skirts around her, taking care to cover her ankles and tug her wrap tighter around her shoulders.

“Henry was… a kind man. Truly he was. He and my father were great friends, and as I grew older and had not yet found a husband on my own, my father arranged for us to marry.”

“He was quite a bit older, then?”

“Yes, my lord. He was six and forty when we married,” Madeline said softly. “As I said, he was a kind man, and treated me with care, but…” She trailed off, shaking her head.

“But what?” Jamie prodded. “You can tell me, Lady Madeline. We are old friends.”

“No, no, I just…” Madeline paused, then seemed to steel herself. “Henry was… he was a nice man, but we weren’t, I mean, we didn’t… I think he was proud of me, but I don’t think he particularly… felt for me.”

“In what way?”

“Well, we rarely talked – it seemed he had no opinions of his own, and we only spoke of household matters. He never wanted to talk of the world, of the future, of anything. It made for a lot of lonely evenings by the fire, knowing he had nothing to say to me. And he…”

“He?” Jamie prompted.

“This isn’t proper to talk about, not in mixed company,” Madeline protested, her face flushing slightly, and she bowed her head.

“Lady Madeline, I just said, we’re old friends. If you can’t talk to old friends, who can you converse with? Besides, there is no one here but you and I, and I’m sure Thunder and Peaches won’t say anything.”

Madeline smiled at that, and then took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I always sensed that I didn’t please him – in appearance.”

“But you’re beautiful,” Jamie said quickly, and without a hint of false flattery. “How could that not please him?”

Madeline closed her eyes, unable to meet his, and unable to accept his compliment. “If I had pleased him in appearance, then he would have taken me to his bed… more often.”

“You didn’t… he didn’t make love to you?”

Madeline kept her eyes closed. “He did a few times – but it was perfunctory. It was as though it was just another chore – he wanted a son, and this was the means to an end. It was never – passionate, or loving, or even pleasing. And it certainly wasn’t often,” she said softly, then gasped and placed a hand over her mouth in disbelief. “I can’t believe I just told you that.”

“It’s all right, Lady Madeline,” he breathed. “For him to treat you this way, to make you feel any less than you are is indeed a crime. Lovemaking is to be pleasurable – for both parties. And is never a chore, believe me. If your Henry felt that way, he was nothing but a fool who didn’t deserve you. Making love is among life’s greatest pleasures, and for you to not have truly experienced it is, in my opinion, a crime.”

“That is my darkest secret,” Madeline said, finally opening her eyes and glancing at him for the briefest of moments. “Not only am I damaged goods in the eyes of society, but not once have I known the true pleasure of a man. Nor will I ever. It seems so unfair.”

“You will, Madeline,” Jamie said, making it sound dangerously like a promise. “You are young and beautiful – you have no reason to fear that you’ll never feel the true touch of a man.”

She sighed and flashed him a small but grateful smile. “I thank you for saying that. But please, my lord, I beg you to never repeat what I’ve told you. I’m embarrassed just knowing that someone else in the world knows my secret – I would die if anyone else were to know.”

“We all have dark secrets, my lady,” Jamie said, and Madeline brought her head up to meet his eyes.
“Even you?”

“Especially me,” Jamie said, his features suddenly taking on a dark, dangerous cast.

“Nonetheless, I want you to promise never to repeat what I told you. Do I have your promise?” Madeline asked anxiously.

Jamie locked his piercing blue eyes on hers, nodding slowly. “Oh, I promise, my Lady Madeline. I solemnly promise.”

Madeline breathed a sigh of relief, though in her belly, she sensed that he was promising something else entirely.

17044/50000

Chapter Twelve

2009-11-07T18:58:00.000-08:00

This was getting ridiculous, Maddy thought as she set her wine glass down after taking a sizable swallow of the luscious red.

Another day past without Jamie so much as saying hello to her, and yet another tortuous and lavish dinner across from the damnable Lady Drake.

She had half a mind to march over to Jamie and demand to know who created the seating arrangements and why he was avoiding her.

Unless he truly didn’t want to know her as a friend anymore.

She wasn’t sure which was worse – not being a friend at all, or not even having a chance at being something more.

She and Rose exchanged pained glances as Lady Drake launched into a recitation of all the reasons Bath is inferior to London, and Maddy reached for her wine glass again.

###

She looked like an angel, the candlelight burnishing her golden hair until it looked like she was wearing a halo.
Madeline Winchester looked like an angel, acted like a lady, and had no business getting involved with someone like him, Jamie thought angrily, barely stopping himself from slamming his knife and fork down on the table.

After spending the day squiring Lady Drake around the estate on horseback (which had taken ages longer than he anticipated, as Lady Drake kept insisting they ‘stop to enjoy the view’), Jamie had been eager to return to the house, take a glass of brandy to the study and simply sit in the quiet for a while before willing himself to go to yet another lengthy dinner.

Being with Lady Drake was, well, exhausting, he thought, shifting in his chair. Oh, she was uncommonly pretty and a natural rider without a doubt, but every word, every look she gave him seemed fraught with some hidden meaning.

Interpreting French battle strategies and secreting them to the English had been easier than trying to figure out that lady, he mused.

She seemed eager to find herself back in his good graces, and eager to form an attachment to him, reminding him often of all the “wonderful times” they had spent in London during the Season before he left for France.
When she was but a young lady newly a part of society, and he wasn’t yet a war-torn wreck.

But despite the intervening years, Jamie had an excellent memory, and could hardly recall more than a few dances they had shared, and hardly a meaningful conversation beyond the quality of the wine and the state of ladies fashions at some ball or another.

Hardly riveting.

She was a fine enough dance partner, but held no sway over his emotions.

Not like the angel at the other end of the table, who with one look, could probably reduce him to ash or lift him up to the heavens, depending on her mood.

He was fastidiously ignoring her end of the table that evening, and was grateful when the servants finally cleared the plates away, signaling the end of the meal.

Finally, an escape, he thought darkly.

As the gentlemen were making their way to the study to sit and chat, the ladies rose as one and began to move towards the parlor. Jamie quickly walked through the dining hall towards them, noting that Madeline was the last through the door. He placed a light hand on her shoulder to stop her, and she jumped, as though she’d been burned by his touch.

“Lady Winchester,” he said softly, and she turned quickly to face him, her face impassive. “Might I have a word with you?”

“Lord Carrington,” she said formally, bobbing a curtsy. “Thank you for a lovely meal.”

“I wanted to apologize that we have not had more time to catch up today,” he said, his eyes on hers.

“Yes, I thought you’d quite forgotten your old friends,” Maddy said with a small, teasing grin. “Apparently we aren’t riveting enough company, my lord.”

“It’s hardly that,” Jamie said, embarrassed by her pointing out his ignorance of her during her stay. “I long to catch up with old friends much more than making new ones. As such, I wanted to inquire if you were interested in going for a ride tomorrow. With me. Obviously.”

She watched him for a long moment, considering. “Are you sure you wouldn’t rather ride with Lady Drake? She appears to be an accomplished horsewoman. I’m sure you had a lovely ride today, did you not?”

He stared at her, and then cleared his throat. “She is an accomplished horsewoman, it’s true. But her conversation grates on me, and I feel as though she is sizing me up like a cook eyeing a side of beef, deciding on a recipe.”

Madeline bit the inside of her cheeks to keep from smiling and smoothed her features, willing herself not to laugh. “I’m sorry to hear that, my lord. I thought all men of society enjoyed being so pursued and… sized up.”

“It depends on who is doing the pursuing and sizing,” he shot back and she laughed softly.

Her laugh sounded like rain on the rooftops, that tinkling sound he loved and hadn’t heard since they returned to Rotherham.

“I see.” Maddy said after a moment. “And here I thought she was an old friend as well. At least to hear her tell it, you had quite a time together before you left for France.”

“I believe the lady is making a mountain out of a molehill of a few dances at a few balls,” Jamie explained, sudden self conscious by his association with Lady Drake. “We are acquainted, it’s true, but we are hardly close friends.”

“I see,” Maddy repeated, watching him carefully.

“Truly.” Jamie’s voice was low, plaintive, willing her to understand that Lady Drake was nothing in his eyes – nothing like Madeline was.

“I’d very much like to see the estate with you, my lord, and will do my best not to eye your… prize parts as though for a stew,” Maddy said after a long pause, finally pulling her gaze from his, though he noted a definite twinkle in them at her words.

And with that, she turned and fled, her giggle echoing in the hall.

With a wide grin, Jamie turned on his heel and sauntered to his study, ready for a fortifying brandy and to muse on the cheeky comment of Lady Madeline Winchester.

15542/50000

Chapter Eleven

2009-11-07T17:19:00.000-08:00

“Thank you, Mary,” Maddy said as her lady’s maid for her visit stepped back from the mirror with a flourish. “That looks lovely.” Maddy examined the intricate hairstyle the woman had crafted for her out of her blonde locks, and then turned with a smile. “That will be all for now. Thank you.”

With a small curtsy, Mary exited the room, leaving Maddy to find her favorite wrap and descend the stairs. Breakfast that morning had been a quiet affair, though thankfully Lady Drake was nowhere to be found, and Maddy and Rose had agreed to meet shortly to take a turn about the lush gardens they viewed from outside the window while they leisurely sipped their tea and ate their toast.

Maddy stepped into the front hall and smiled at her friend, who was fussing with her own hair absently, twirling a red lock around one finger. “Shall we go for a walk?” Maddy asked, and the two friends linked armed and strolled outside. “Absolutely beautiful day,” Maddy murmured, turning her face to the weak sun peaking through the clouds, lighting up the manicured gardens in front of them.

“God, yes,” Rose agreed, inhaling deeply and smiling.

Rotheram House was a truly magnificent estate – the house was naturally large and handsomely furnished and lavishly cared for, the lawns were pristine and the gardens tantalizing, and the woods and fields that surrounded estate were just begging for a ride atop a horse, Maddy thought as she and Rose ambled down the stone steps into a slightly sunken garden.

Without conscious thought, Maddy found herself scanning the area around them, hoping to catch sight of Jamie – Lord Carrington – as she had not seen him since the night before. Rose noted her gaze and laughed softly.

“I’ve not seen him yet this morning, either,” she said and Maddy blushed slightly.

“Whatever do you mean?” She said coyly and Rose laughed outright.

“I know you’re searching for him.”

“I am most certainly not!”

“Ooooh?” Rose teased, drawing out the sound, making Maddy laugh at her tone.

“I’m sure he and the other gentlemen are on horseback or have gone shooting for the day, and gentlemen are wont to do. I was just making sure we weren’t going to run into that dreadful Lady Drake.”

As if on cue, the two women turned at the sound of steady hoof beats echoing against the house, and moments later, Lady Drake emerged from the stable atop a beautiful chestnut horse. She looked poised and elegant in her riding suit, her carriage perfectly straight and her hair tucked neatly into a riding hat. Lady Drake glanced over her shoulder with a warm, friendly smile, and Maddy’s stomach dropped to her toes.

Because right behind Lady Drake was Jamie, atop his own enormous black stallion, smiling right back at her.

The two conversed briefly, and then took off at a brisk trot down the lane, before picking up speed as they reached the rolling field beyond, both of them with smiles on their faces, and speaking to each other, though Maddy and Rose were too far away to hear them.

“I’m sure he’s just being polite by taking her riding,” Rose said, though her tone betrayed her disbelief at that. “He’s ever so polite.”

“She did say she was going riding with him last evening when we spoke,” Maddy said evenly. “At least in this she told the truth.”

“Would you like to return to the house?” Rose asked as the two riders disappeared over a low rise and winked out of sight.

“No, I’m fine, thank you,” Maddy said, lifting her chin and striding forward again, and then her mouth widened into a smile as Fitz bounded down the steps to greet them, looking handsome in his breeches and Hessian boots, his hair still damp from a recent bath.

“Well met!” Fitz said jovially. “I was just going to take a walk myself, and I’d like nothing more than to escort both of you beauties as I do so. Shall we walk?” He asked, crooking both of his elbows so that the two ladies may rest their hands on his arms. “What do you think of Rotherham?” He asked easily as they went up the stone steps on the opposite side of the garden and turned towards the rose garden. “Is it as you remember, Maddy?”

“It is truly magnificent,” Maddy said. “Very much as I remember it from our visits here, though it’s been years since I was last here. It appears that Lord Carrington has taken fastidious care of it.”

“Indeed he has,” Fitz agreed as they ambled forward at an unhurried pace. “According to the servants, he is much loved by his staff and those dependent on his estate as well. I know his father often had difficulty managing money, but Jamie has done an admirable job turning things around. Frightfully smart bloke, he is.”
Maddy nodded in agreement. “It is truly beautiful.”

“I’m glad he returned from the war intact. It would be a shame to see an estate like this entailed away to a distant cousin,” Fitz continued, and Maddy nodded.

“I’m glad he has returned quite safe as well,” she murmured, and Rose arched an eyebrow at her but said nothing.

“I’m quite looking forward to our shooting party in a few days, when a few more gentlemen from town are due to arrive to join us. More eligible men for you ladies to examine with care,” Fitz said with a joking lilt, and Rose reddened slightly. “Come, lovely Rose, you can’t tell me you aren’t in the market for a rich, gentried husband to make you his wife?”

“I… of course. But I hope to marry for love, not connections.” Her voice was wooden, and though Fitz appeared not to notice, Maddy did. Though she said nothing, she wondered at Rose’s statement. Rose had never before spoken of love, only of wanting to live comfortably – well, more than comfortably, given her penchant for the latest fashions.

“We all wish for that, but we can’t always have what we want. Isn’t that true, sister?” Fitz said sympathetically.

“It is true,” Maddy agreed. “Perhaps a gentleman will sweep Rose off her feet and take her away from us forever, the two of them living on some grand estate in the south with a gaggle of children,” she added with a teasing smile.

“I would not wish to be away from both – both of you,” Rose said quietly, and Fitz chucked her under the chin teasingly.

“That’s true. We can’t let you get taken away too far. Whoever would keep us in line, and keep us in stitches with her happy words?”

“I… have happy words?” Rose asked hesitantly, but with a hopeful smile.

“Rose, everything you say makes me smile,” Fitz said easily, and Rose ducked her head slightly.

“I agree,” Maddy added. “We shan’t let you disappear too far from us.”

“Speaking of too far,” Fitz said. “The sun has gone in… shall we return to the house for a cup of tea and a game of cards?”

Maddy watched Rose for a long moment, then demurred. “You too go in. Do. I’d like to walk a bit longer, and write in my journal before the day turns too gloomy. Please, go. Have a lovely time.”

Fitz waited for Rose to decide, and when she nodded slightly, he tucked Rose’s hand into the crook of his arm and they turned back towards the house. “We shall see you later,” he said and Maddy gave them both a small wave as they walked slowly back towards the house, their heads bent in quiet conversation.

Maddy bit her lip slightly, sinking down onto a nearby bench and taking her journal out of her reticule. In the last few months, Rose had become increasingly uncomfortable around Fitz, and Maddy wasn’t entirely sure why – they had always been great friends. She did so hope that Fitz hadn’t said something untoward, or offended Rose in some way, though Rose was surely the most easygoing, happy creature she knew – not easily offended at all.

Unless…

No, it was impossible.

If Rose were in any way interested in Fitz, Maddy would surely know it.

Rose would have mentioned it. She couldn’t keep a secret to save her life.

If the occasion arose, she promised herself to ask Rose about her odd demeanor towards her brother to make sure nothing was amiss.

In the meantime, she wiggled her toes in her slippers and settled onto the bench, trying to form her words for her journal. Much as she wanted to write about the beauty all around her, she could only think of the strapping gentleman currently galloped across the fields, the snotty Lady Drake right on his heels.

It made enjoying the lovely scenery incredibly difficult.

14480/50000

Chapter Ten

2009-11-05T17:48:00.000-08:00

Maddy knew it was hopeless to try and concentrate on her book, an Ann Radcliffe she’d thankfully read many times before, when Lady Drake was flouncing around the room, twitching her skirts and fussing with her hair.

The men had retired to smoke and drink in the study, leaving the women in the parlor to their own devices.

Which, apparently, was going to be more painful than she thought, Maddy mused as Lady Drake sighed heavily and marched from one end of the room to the other.

Maddy and Rose had made polite conversation after dinner with the other attendees of the house party, finding them charming and friendly, but Lady Drake was something else altogether.

Finally, Lady Drake settled on the chaise next to Maddy, craning her neck to see what she was reading.

“The Mysteries of Udolpho? Though I’m sure you haven’t finished it, don’t you find it a bit… pedestrian?” She asked, and Maddy fought not to grind her teeth together.

“I’ve actually read it a few times, but I quite like rereading books – it’s like visiting with old friends,” Maddy said in a measured tone. “I don’t find it pedestrian at all, as it stands.”

“And you like it? The story?” Lady Drake asked with a small shudder.

“Of course,” Maddy said evenly. “The writing is wonderful, and I like the gothic feel to it – castles and the supernatural. And who doesn’t love a hero like Valancourt on the page?”

“I found it a bore,” Lady Drake said dismissively.

“What do you find not a bore?” Maddy asked with a bit more bite to her voice than she intended.

“I’m not a great reader. I find I like interacting with people much more than reading about them in dusty tomes,” Lady Drake replied tartly. “Clearly, you prefer your people on the page than in the same room.”

“That’s hardly true,” Maddy said, closing her book and setting it aside. “Tell me, how do you know Lord Carrington? Are you much acquainted?”

“I’ve know Jamie for ages,” Lady Drake said with a slight emphasis on the last word. “We practically grew up together.”

“Now, I find that surprising, as my brother and I grew up on our estate not far from here, and have been long acquainted with the Carrington family, and yet I don’t recall meeting you on any previous occasion.”

“You grew up near here?” Lady Drake asked with a slightly raised eyebrow.

“Yes,” Maddy said with a bite in her voice. “We did.”

“You and… oh, that brother of yours, I suppose,” Lady Drake replied. “He’s tolerably good looking, I suppose.”

Rose practically bolted from her chair, where she had been watching the interaction between the two ladies with interest. “Lord Stafford is much admired in society, and is considered one of the best looking men of our acquaintance, I’ll have you know!”

Lady Drake looked surprised by the outburst. “And yet he is unattached, and at his age. He must have some fatal flaw.”

Rose snorted. “His only flaw, as you put it, is not wanting to marry some chit interested only in his money or his connections in society.”

“As a Viscount, he must hardly have either,” Lady Drake said smoothly, than darted a glance at Maddy. “I mean you no disrespect, of course. I’m sure you’ve done the best in society that you can, under those circumstances.”

Rose made a sound not unlike a squirrel being caught by a cat. “He has plenty of both, and you have no cause to slight Madeline in any way for her standing in society. In fact…”

Maddy cut her off, knowing all too well the murderous rage in her friend’s eyes, and wanting to avoid a catfight of either the verbal or physical variety. “Fitz is a respected member of the ton, but wishes to marry for love, not just connections or standing in society. At one and thirty, he’s hardly in his dotage, and I thank you to remember that when speaking of my excellent brother.”

“Of course,” Lady Drake said demurely. “I meant no disrespect, of course.”

“Of course,” Rose said with a sarcastic edge.

“Besides,” Lady Drake continued. “You aren’t much in society any more, are you, Madeline?” She asked frostily. “If I understand correctly, you have no need to surround yourself with me, as you were married to an officer of the war, were you not?”

“I was,” Maddy said woodenly.

“And where is he, then?” Lady Drake asked. “Is this society too much for him?”

“He’s dead,” Rose said nastily. “He died on the battlefield, and left Madeline a widow, if you must know, and I thank you not to bring it up and aggrieve my friend.”

“Oh dear,” Lady Drake said, looking slightly embarrassed. “I didn’t know. I apologize, Lady Madeline. Still, your standing in society now…”

Maddy threw Rose a cautioning glance and shook her head slightly, and then turned back to Lady Drake while smoothing her own features. “You never truly answered my question, Lady Drake. How are you acquainted with the Carrington family?”

“Well, apparently, we don’t go back as far as you and your ‘excellent’ brother do,” Lady Drake amended her earlier statement, making Rose look peaked again. “We mostly know each other from society – in London, of course.”

“Of course,” Maddy said evenly.

“In fact, we were considered quite the couple before he disappeared for France for those years,” Lady Drake said dreamily. “Now that he has returned, I do hope to become close to him again.”

“I see,” Maddy said faintly.

“Funny,” Rose said with a sharp tone. “Jamie never mentioned you to either Maddy or Fitz, two of his closest friends. Perhaps the… coupling you imagine from London was a bit one sided?”

Lady Drake looked daggers at Rose, who met her gaze without flinching. “I assure you, we always made quite a splash when we were together. In fact, many assumed we would marry before he left.”

“And did he make any declarations before his departure?” Rose asked icily.

“He did not,” Lady Drake said snootily. “But now that we are together again, I’m sure those addresses will be forthcoming presently. We were very close, as I said. I’m a perfect catch for Jamie, and he is for me. With our money, our standing in society, no couple would have more standing or power in the ton.”

“And that’s what he is to you?” Rose asked. “Another rung on the ladder of society?”

“Well, yes,” Lady Drake said smartly. “And, truth be told, he’s a handsome, intelligent man, a wonderful catch for anyone, so why not me? Who wouldn’t want to marry him?”

Who indeed, Maddy thought, feeling her pulse beat in her throat and her eyes grow moist with frustration. She felt herself growing angrier and angrier, without justification, for the familiar way in which Lady Drake was speaking of Jamie.

Her Jamie, as she thought of him, though he was anything but.

And to call him Jamie so familiarly, instead of Lord Carrington, simply annoyed Maddy to no end.

“You never know,” Rose said cryptically. “Perhaps the war has made him a changed man, who sees ladies in a different light now,” she said, glancing supportively at Maddy. “His tastes in women may run to something very different after all he experienced for all those years. And it has been years, has it not, Lady Drake?”

“I very much doubt it,” Lady Drake said. “We’re a perfect match, and I intend to use this house party to remind him of that very fact. Now, if you ladies would excuse me, I believe I’m going to retire for the night. Jamie and I are going riding in the morning, and I want to be fresh for the outing.”

And with that, she strode out of the room, head held high, a mocking smile on her lips.

Maddy sat frozen on the chaise, and Rose shifted to sit down beside her friend, taking Maddy’s hand in hers. “You look as though you are at sixes and sevens. Believe me, that woman,” she said, “is egomaniacal, stupid, unread, and doesn’t hold a candle to you. Lord Carrington would be insane to place value in her, and not in you. You know that, don’t you, my love?”

Maddy nodded automatically, not really agreeing with anything Rose was saying.

“She’s a chit, and she deserves to marry some doddering old blind fool who only wants her for her money. No man would want her for her conversation, and that is a fact.”

Maddy continued to nod repeatedly.

“And I don’t like her. At all.”

At this, Maddy gave Rose a small, grateful smile. “Thank you for all those nice things you said about Fitz and I. I just couldn’t believe some of what she was saying. That she and Lord Carrington go back to birth – what a joke! And yet…”

“And yet?” Rose prodded after Maddy was silent for several beats.

“And yet, he is taking her riding tomorrow, when he’s hardly spoken a word to me,” Maddy whispered, and Rose squeezed her hand. “I’ve had no such invitation, and we’re supposed to be old friends.”

“No one who saw the way he was looking at you at dinner could doubt his affection for you,” she said confidently. “Not that I was watching him watch you watch him,” she added, bumping her shoulder against Maddy’s gently.

Maddy giggled at Rose’s tongue twister. “You are making that up. I’m sure he just had something in his eye.”

“I’m sure he did,” Rose said with a smirk.

“Nonetheless…”

“Nonetheless, I don’t like her. I don’t like cold, calculating ladies, daughters of earls or not.”

“No, nor do I,” Maddy agreed. “Nor do I.”

13003/50000

Chapter Nine

2009-11-02T19:26:00.000-08:00

I’m sure the food is bloody fantastic, Jamie thought darkly.

Everyone seems to be enjoying themselves, and the wine is flowing freely, and yet, I can’t seem to focus on anything but the slip of a girl with the golden hair at the other end of the table, he thought with a slight grimace.

Everyone had arrived at the estate in good time, and Cook had put together a sumptuous feast, of which everyone was partaking, but Jamie seemed to be spending the entire meal carefully avoiding eye contact with Madeline Winchester, who appeared to be having a whale of a time at her place, laughing and chatting with new acquaintances.

He wanted to be acquainted with her, but not in any way appropriate for a dinner party, he thought, shifting uncomfortably in his seat at the thought of her spread out on the table linens, lit by candlelight and wearing nothing but a necklace of grapes and a smile.

Wonderful, he thought angrily. Now his breeches were too tight, and still he glowered at his plate, unable to get his mind off the one thing he wanted more than pheasant or a glass of good red: her.

He’d promised himself that upon her arrival, he would be polite and complimentary, but to put a stop to any overtures between them, lest he ignite something he couldn’t find the will to stop.

He knew he was entirely wrong for her, but yet, she was all that occupied his thoughts.

It was damnably irritating, he thought, tossing back another gulp of wine and nearly slamming the glass onto the table.

He then glanced up just as she did, their eyes meeting across the candlelight and china, and he could have sworn he saw some of the same lust filled, emotional, contorted feelings reflected in her eyes that he was sure was in his.

But then again, it could have just been a trick of the light.

Holding her gaze for just a beat too long, he finally looked away, and damn it, he could even feel his cheeks flush a bit at her intensity.

Lord Jameson Carrington did not blush, and certainly not on account of a woman.

Bloody grapes, he thought with another grimace as he shifted to find a more accommodating position for his breeches in his chair.

###

Maddy bit back a smile as she looked back down at her plate, filled to overflowing with a delicious dinner, convinced that she and Jamie – Lord Carrington, she reminded herself – had just shared,what she would call a moment.

She had simply glanced up, and found that he was looking directly at her.

And it wasn’t an altogether unpleasant look either, which was a nice change for him.

In fact, if she had to categorize it, she might say it was smoldering.

That, in and of itself, was miraculous, as he’d not glanced her way once since greeting her earlier in the afternoon. He was open and friendly with the men, solicitous of the women, but with her, he was just absent.

But then there was that gaze across the table…

Which was certainly the best thing that had happened since her arrival earlier that afternoon.

The estate was truly lovely, and Maddy’s room was very comfortably appointed, and the staff attentive and polite. After refreshing herself from the journey, she had taken a turn about the house with Rose by her side, half hoping to run into Jamie for a personal tour of the home, but he was nowhere to be found.

Only to discover he and the other men of the party were already on horseback, scouting the countryside for shooting the following morning, planning to leave the women of the party to their own devices.

So much for that personal tour from the lord of the manor, she thought ruefully.

Disappointed but optimistic, she had hoped to meet up with the men prior to dinner for aperitifs, but that was also not meant to be.

And then, to be seated as far away from Jamie as possible at the dinner table – it was simply maddening.
Still, she was determined to make the best of it.

She and Rose were seated beside each other, as well as Fitz, only a chair away, and they were also introduced to two people not of their acquaintance who were seated beside them – a Lord Maxted, who was nice enough, and a Lady Amelia Drake, the daughter of the Duke of Wrightsbury, who frankly, was not.

First, Miss Drake commented on the “lack of society” at the table, then the lamb was “dreadfully undercooked”, and on top of it all, she seemed to spend entirely too much of her time looking at Jamie with a calculating, proprietary look in her eye.

This wouldn’t do at all, Maddy thought woefully.

Miss Drake was uncommonly pretty, graceful and poised, and frankly, so far above Maddy’s station in society that she may as well be a girl in the scullery than an officer’s widow.

With her long, dark tresses and flawless skin, Miss Drake was a handsome woman, and at only twenty, the perfect age for marrying.

And as a Duke’s daughter, she would be perfectly matched as a wife for someone like Lord Carrington, and Maddy knew it.

And apparently, so did Miss Amelia Drake, judging from the cow eyes she kept making at the man all evening.

And he even had the nerve to meet her gaze, and once, he even smiled.

Other than a chaste kiss on the hand upon her arrival, she’d had no such indication of warmth from him, except for that one smoldering gaze.

Which was probably just a trick of the light, Maddy lamented.

“She’s the coldest fish I’ve met in ages, and I’ve had my share of chilly fish,” Rose whispered, making Maddy giggle slightly, glad to know her friend had assessed their new acquaintance the same as she had.

“She’s not the friendliest, is she?” Maddy replied evenly, and Rose rolled her eyes theatrically. “Perhaps she’s shy?”

“Shy, my foot. She may be the daughter of a duke, but we aren’t exactly harlots or whores in society, are we?” Rose shot back, and Maddy looked at her, mouth agape.

“Rose Rivenhall!”

“What?!” Rose shot back. “I’m just saying… from the look in her eye when she saw us, that was her impression. And that purple gown looks dreadful on her. Someone should point out that purple is not her colour.”

“Oh, do,” Maddy urged, and Rose giggled this time.

“What are you two ladies speaking of?” Fitz demanded, breaking up their fits of giggles. “I love a good joke.”

“No joke, my lord,” Rose said, valiantly trying to smooth her features. “Simply commenting on this undercooked lamb.”

Maddy desperately wanted to snort with laughter, but at the stern look from Fitz, thought better of it.

“Just catching up from the last few months, brother,” Maddy said in a placating tone, but Fitz fixed her with a look that indicated he knew that they were up to no good. “We have much to discuss while Rose has been in London.”

Rose immediately quieted her giggles, and even softly apologized to Fitz, which was shocking in its own right: Rose didn’t apologize to anyone.

“You? Were in London?” Miss Drake asked.

Rose nodded. “We were, Miss Drake.”

“I don’t recall seeing you there,” Miss Drake replied. “We must not travel in the same circles of society.”

“Perhaps we should be thankful for that,” Rose said quietly, and Fitz fixed them both with such a glare, they immediately quieted.

Chastened, Maddy looked back at her plate, and then dared to glance down the table one more time before the men retired for the evening.

Jamie was watching her again, an amused look on his face. The gaze was gone in an instant, though, and he settled his eyes on Miss Drake instead.

Who was looking at him with a calculating look in her eye and a beatific smile on her face.

Bloody hell, Maddy thought darkly.

Perhaps this house party was a mistake after all.

11375/50000

Chapter Eight

2009-11-01T18:31:00.000-08:00

Fitz handed Maddy a cup of tea, then settled himself beside her with his customary brandy. “That was a pleasant evening, wasn’t it?”

Maddy nodded absently. “Very pleasant.”

“I was hardly propositioned by any ladies once.” Fitz said with a grin. “If I was an insecure man, I might be offended by my sudden unattractiveness to the ladies of society.”

Maddy grinned then, taking a sip of her tea, her eyes unfocused across the room.

“What are you thinking of, little sister?” Fitz inquired, watching her. “You’ve been a bit out of sorts this evening.”

“Nothing, really.” Maddy replied. “Just thinking of the company this evening.”

“It’s damnably good to have Carrington back, isn’t it?” Fitz mused. “I’ve missed his company, though he seems a bit… changed since he returned from France, doesn’t he?”

Maddy nodded. “He does. He doesn’t seem to be as carefree as he once was.”

“Exactly.” Fitz agreed. “He’s still the same good Carrington, but a bit more reserved.”

“Indeed.” Maddy said softly. “Very… proper. He was never one to stand much on ceremony before, but…”

“He seems quite interested in you, Maddy.” Fitz said after a long pause. “He and I went for a drink before the evening’s entertainment, and he was asking me all about your growing up. I think he’s missed having family, and thinks of us thus.”

Maddy wanted to scream.

She didn’t want to be Jameson’s little sister.

She didn’t want to be interesting to him only for ‘growing up’.

She wanted…

Well, she wanted.

Him.

In all sorts of imaginative ways.

“Did he?” Was all she replied instead.

“He did. Wanted to hear all about Henry, and I set him straight on that score. Nice enough bloke, but…”
“But.” Maddy agreed, and Fitz grinned.

“Still, glad to have Carrington back.”

If only the real Lord Carrington were back, rather than this good looking replica who is treating her like a priceless heirloom, rather than how she wants to be treated.

Like a desirable woman.

###

Maddy bit back a curse as she pricked her finger with her needle for the fourth time.

Ever since their interlude the night before, she’d been concentrating on Lord Carrington, and not on the stitches of her needlework project in her lap.

Fitz was again at his desk, his hair sticking up in unfashionable spikes as he ran his hands through his hair unconsciously as he reviewed accounts from the estate. Both of them jumped when Billings, their butler, slid through the door and proffered an envelope to Fitz. “This just arrived for you, sir.”

“Thank you, Billings,” Fitz said, and Maddy set aside her needlework, knowing she was going to accomplish no more on it today.

“Huh,” her brother said, reading the letter. “It’s from Carrington. Apparently he has to return to his home in Gloucestershire, and has invited us, along with several other families, to join him. A sort of impromptu house party. He promises shooting for the men, and dancing for the ladies. Are you interested in leaving Bath for a fortnight or two?”

Maddy schooled herself not to look too eager at the thought. “Sounds like it could be a nice diversion – shall we go?”

“Aren’t you worried about missing all the balls and parties here in Bath? The Season is nearly in full swing…” Fitz said, watching his younger sister. “I don’t want you to miss out on meeting old friends, perhaps forming new friendships.”

“I have plenty of friends, and frankly, Bath can be a bit… stifling at times. You know how I miss the country, the wide open spaces. And besides, we’d still be among friends. You said other parties were going as well?”

“That’s true,” Fitz said. “And besides, I could ride on for a few days, return home to shore up some of these issues that are arising.” He gestured to the growing pile of papers on his desk. “Shall I send back Carrington a note that we’d like to come along?”

“Do you suppose he would extend an invitation to Rose?” Maddy ventured. “It would be lovely to have her along for company, particularly if I’m not acquainted with the other attendees.”

“I don’t see why he would mind,” Fitz said easily. “His estate is large enough to host half of Bath by my estimation. I’ll send along our acceptance, and ask if Rose may join us. We can all travel together, presuming her family is agreeable.”

“When are we to depart?” Maddy asked, tucking her sewing away – hopefully forever.

“It appears that the party is due to leave tomorrow and arrive in the evening – is that too soon for you?” Fitz asked.

Madeline shook her head. “No, no, that would suit me perfectly. I should go decide what to pack and then I’ll go call on Rose after her invitation has been issued,” she said, standing up with a smile. “Please let me know what Lord Carrington replies regarding Rose’s invitation, and please extend my thanks to him as well.”
And with that, she swept out of the room, trying to hide her wide grin at the turn of events.

###

“Oh, I love a house party!” Rose exclaimed a few hours later, rifling through her drawers and tugging out scads and scads of clothes.

“We’re going for a fortnight, not a year!” Maddy laughed as the clothing pile on Rose’s bed grew ever larger.

“I just love meeting new people, and getting away from the hustle and bustle of town for a bit sounds lovely.” Rose said, sitting down beside Maddy. “And I imagine you are longing for wide open spaces as well.”

“I confess I am. I’ve missed riding and walking in the country.” Maddy agreed. “And as you say, we’ll get to meet new people…”

“Or catch up on old acquaintances?” Rose said slyly, bumping her shoulder into Maddy’s. “Perhaps a certain dashing earl?”

Maddy sighed deeply and gave Rose a stern look. “You know that’s not the case. I told you… Lord Carrington and I… we’re in different circles now. And from the way he’s treated me thus far, I doubt he has any intention of seeking me out for company.”

Rose looked at her, and then dissolved into a grin. “But, my, he is lovely to look at, isn’t he?”

Maddy couldn’t help but laugh at her friend’s sly mind. “And what of you, dear friend? Perhaps romance will be in the air for you, instead!”

Rose’s cheeks suffused with pink. “Who says I want romance? Perhaps I’m perfectly happy being a woman of my own means.”

“Because I know you, Rose Rivenhall! You always dream of romance! You have ever since we were little girls!” Maddy squeaked. “You are just waiting for an earl or baron or marquess to sweep you off your feet and into his estate as his wife!”

“I’m not totally discounting viscounts or dukes, I’ll have you know. I don’t discriminate.” Rose said with a straight face, before they both broke down in giggles again.

###

Maddy drew in her breath as the carriage emerged from the copse of trees, bringing Lord Carrington’s estate into full view. The house was stately and enormous – the gardens well tended, and there in front stood the Lord himself, smiling and waving as the assembly of carriages came to a stop in a whirl of dust and excitement.

A fortnight – or two – ensconced in the Earl’s estate, away from the dances of Bath, the gossip, and, Maddy had to admit, in close proximity to Lord Carrington himself, held great appeal indeed.

She smiled as Lord Carrington extended a hand himself and helped first Rose and then herself down from the carriage before pressing a chaste kiss to the back of her hand. She felt a blush rise in her cheeks as his eyes met hers, neither of them saying anything but both feeling a sort of charge between them.

Or, at least, she felt a charge, starting in her temples and shooting to her toes before settling below her belly.
It was going to be an interesting fortnight – or two.

“Welcome, Lady Madeline,” Lord Carrington said formally, tucking her hand into the crook of his elbow. “I’m so glad you and your brother and your friend Rose were able to tear yourselves away from Bath to join me in the country for a while.”

“My pleasure, Lord Carrington,” Maddy demurred. “You know how I long for the country. I’m glad to be out in the fresh air, away from the gossip and stares. And your estate is truly beautiful. I’m looking forward to exploring it.”

“If you’ll permit me, I’d like to give you all a tour – we can take the horses out, so you can see it all,” Lord Carrington said with an almost shy smile, then glancing over to include Fitz and Rose in the invitation, much to Maddy’s chagrin.

“I’d like that,” Maddy said softly, feeling that same frisson of excitement in her waist at the thought of spending time with Lord Carrington, away from prying eyes and interested ears, despite the presence of others in the party. Maybe, just maybe, they might have a bit of time to speak only to each other during their visit to his home.

“Good,” he said. “I have much to do today, and I’m sure you’re weary from your journey, but perhaps tomorrow?”

“Tomorrow,” she agreed, matching his step as they entered his grand home, a parade of visitors in their wake.

10020/50000

Chapter Seven

2009-11-01T17:06:00.000-08:00

Carrington hated how bloody polite they were being with each other.

The Baron of Valford was hosting a night of supper and cards, a quiet affair for the assembled group, and Carrington was pleased to see both Stafford and Madeline in attendance when he’d stepped through the door. He and Madeline had even decided to sit down to a game of whist together, but the tone between them had somehow changed since their walk that morning.

Instead of easy banter, wide smiles and pleasant conversation, it was all stilted words and awkward glances.
It was all very proper.

He couldn’t risk looking at her, for fear that she would know his thoughts, which were decidedly not for mixed company.

She was his bloody fantasy, but she could never know that.

He’d decided that last night.

His only choice was to distance himself from her.

Why, he chastised himself for the hundredth time, did Madeline Winchester have to come back into his life now?

Bloody fool.

###

Madeline bit her lip, even as she watched Lord Carrington’s furrowed brow as he examined his hand of cards. She had been so looking forward to the evening – a quiet evening without a speck of dancing – and to seeing Lord Carrington again, but things between them were suddenly so odd.

And that was her own doing, she supposed.

She should never have mentioned Henry. Should never have brought up her self-perception as damaged goods. Should not have asked about the war. Should certainly not have teased Lord Carrington.

Lord Carrington was a prize catch of the Season – everyone knew that. He had stature, a sizeable income, a beautiful estate, and frankly, was the most attractive man in the room. Every woman’s eyes watched his every move, whether he knew it or not.

The only real conversation that had had all night was with Fitz, when the three of them had arranged to go on a carriage ride around Bath the next morning, assuming the weather cooperated.

Even that felt stilted, though she thrilled at the thought of sitting beside him, even with Fitz along for the ride.
The next hand was interrupted by a butler, who hurried into the room and handed Lord Carrington a sealed note. “This arrived from your household just now, my lord,” the man said, backing away discreetly.

Carrington tore into the note, and then pushed back from the table. “I apologize, Lady Valford, but I must return home.”

“There’s nothing wrong, I hope,” the baroness said, extending her hand for Lord Carrington to kiss.

“No, just a matter of business I must deal with first thing in the morning. But I thank you for a lovely evening,” he said, turning to retrieve his coat and walk swiftly to the door.

“Please excuse me for a moment,” Madeline murmured to the table, standing up and following Lord Carrington to the front door. “Lord Carrington?” she called, following him onto the front stoop. “Might I have a quick word with you?”

Carrington whirled around, his eyes locked on hers, his expression unreadable. “Of course, my lady.”

“I just… I wanted to apologize again, for what I said today. For teasing you. It was… inappropriate.”

“There’s nothing to apologize for,” Carrington said easily, tugging his hat down onto his head. “Don’t distress yourself.”

“My lord…” Madeline said, taking a step closer to him. “If I offended you in some way, I truly didn’t mean to.”

“Don’t apologize for anything you said, my lady. It is I who should apologize.”

“Whatever for?”

Carrington watched her for a long moment, his smoldering gaze piercing her heart, then quick as a flash, it was gone and he was back to being polite and proper.

“For rushing off when we were having such a pleasant evening. Good night, Lady Winchester.” He said, turning to walk down the steps again.

“But…”

He spun back around, and for a moment, his gaze looked almost hopeful.

“What of our carriage ride tomorrow?” She asked lamely, hoping to forestall him just a moment longer.

“I’m afraid we may have to postpone. I shall let you know in the morning.” He said swiftly, his eyes still on hers.

Thinking of nothing else with which to keep him, she bobbed a curtsy then fled into the house on shaking knees, leaving Carrington on the steps for a long moment, wishing he could have tugged her into the darkness with him, rather than making for home.

Alone.

8441/50000

Chapter Six

2009-11-01T15:23:00.000-08:00

Carrington lay stretched across the settee in his drawing room, his eyes trained on the crackling fire a few feet away, even as he mind was miles away.

He couldn’t get Madeline out of his head, and truth be told, he didn’t want to.

Even if those thoughts were far from “proper”.

That would had haunted him the entire walk back to Queen’s Square.

Madeline Winchester desired propriety, deserved to be surrounded by good, kind people, not people like him.

Damaged people.

Though he had a few inklings that perhaps her interest in him went beyond friendship, he knew it could never be.

Carrington knew he had to be the bigger man in this situation.

He was exactly the wrong man for Madeline Winchester.

She was all pureness and light, and after what he had seen in France, what he had experienced, how he had changed in the course of the campaigns…

She deserved someone who wasn’t so… broken.

And yet he couldn’t get her out of his head, either.

He’d had his share of lovers before leaving for France, and even a few “in the line of duty”, as it were, but he always felt – unsatisfied by the liaisons. He always supposed it had to do with a lack of emotion, but after that night in Amiens, he had his suspicions it was something altogether different.

Something… wrong.

Something deeply wrong with him.

How could something so dangerous, so treacherous have been so…

So erotic?

He shook his head, erasing the memory of Amiens despite the unconscious tightening of his groin. That night changed him, and not for the better.

He resolved this Season to find a nice woman, settle down, have children, and lead a quiet life. Without danger, and without…

Without that charge of eroticism that Amiens had given him.

God, he was a fool.

And yet, it was Madeline that haunted his thoughts for the rest of the evening – the crinkle of her eyes when she smiled, the feel of her hand on his arm, the lightness of her step.

She was so changed from when they had last known each other; he remembered a slip of a girl always trailing behind Fitz and himself as they explored the woods, begging to climb trees when they did, and always looking so forlorn when she was left behind.

He remembered skinned knees, and a bark of a laugh, and a constant feeling that she was his little sister, not just Fitz’s.

She was a sweet girl, even as she grew into a young lady, but she was always just Maddy to him – easy to talk to, easy to tease, easy to please.

But now… now she was altogether different. Poised and beautiful, having grown into her features, and so elegant. Still she laughed and teased, but it was measured now, different.

Was he so captivated by her because she represented happiness and safety from his childhood, or was he captivated as he would be by any new acquaintance like her that he would meet for the first time today? Any lady who looked and acted like her would cause a flare of emotion in any man with a pulse, not just him.
And yet, behind the grown up lady, he still held deep affection for the charming girl she had been.

Perhaps it was just a sense of security… of home.

Or just her exquisiteness.

God, he was a cad.

Madeline was the sort of lady a man like him should settle down with, but she was now so far out of his league, it wasn’t funny, no matter her protestations that she was ‘damaged goods’ as far as society went.
If she were damaged goods, he mused, he was something altogether worse.

Though he had longed to be back in England and among the ton, now he wondered if it was a bad idea instead to be here at all. At least in France he’d had a purpose, a plan for every day, and knew what he was fighting for.

Now, he still seemed to be fighting – his inner turmoil and his pressing need for a woman to fix him.
But no woman of society could fix this.

It wouldn’t be proper.

Taking a sip of brandy, he sighed and waited for night to fall.

###

Madeline blew out the candle and crawled into bed, tugging the sheets and quilts up around her neck, not only to stave off the chill of the evening in her bedroom, but to try and hide from the outside world altogether.

The outside world where Jameson Carrington resided.

If she added it up, they truly hadn’t spent much time together since his return from France, and yet, it felt as though those moments were fraught with attraction and interest.

At least on her part.

What Lord Carrington was thinking was anyone’s guess, she mused, punching her pillow and rolling over.
He treated her so politely, so properly, which was to be expected, but what she yearned for was some sign, some word that perhaps he returned her interests.

Alas, there had been none.

But she couldn’t stop the quickening of her heart at the thought of him.

She had loved him as a girl, and apparently, she loved him again as a widow.

But he seemed so much more – reserved, exact – than she remembered.

Knowing he was a spy, she imagined he must have spent the last few years continually on his guard, watching every word, every move he made lest he was discovered and killed.

She shuddered at the thought.

She wondered if he had killed. She wondered if he’d bedded women for information. She wondered if he still looked over his shoulder everywhere he went.

She supposed that he had. All three.

It might explain his current character, but it didn’t explain her yearning for him.

Henry had been a good sort of person, she knew, but it was hardly a romance between them. It was arranged, pure and simple, by her father to protect her, lest she became unmarriageable by being too old.

And Henry was an officer, he had said, as though that were to be some sort of consolation.

But she knew, deep in her heart, that she could have married above her station – there were so many gentlemen, and she was a gentlemen’s daughter, and so she had always secretly resented being matched with someone not of the ton.

Henry was kind enough, and provided for her well enough financially, until he’d gone and gotten himself killed, leaving her with virtually nothing.

But Henry had never provided for her in love – he barely touched her, he spoke not of his feelings but of battle maneuvers and what was for dinner, and he never once told her how he felt about her.

And as for the bedroom…

Madeline sighed at the memory of their short, painful, infrequent fumblings in that department, Henry totally focused on getting her with child before his departure, rather than on making it even a vaguely pleasant experience.

Then her imaginings flipped to Jamie – Lord Carrington, she corrected – stretched across a set of white sheets, beckoning her with his smile to join him there.

And, she imagined, he knew exactly how to make it anything but a fumbling experience.

She flushed at the thought of him in a state of undress, the two of them on the bed together, and forced herself to erase the thought, relying on counting sheep instead.

But sleep was a long time coming.

7697/50000

Chapter Five

2009-11-01T11:36:00.000-08:00

“It’s a lovely day for a walk, don’t you agree?” Carrington asked as he strode into Stafford’s drawing room the following morning. The Viscount was ensconced in a home on Queen’s Square for the Season, but a short distance from Carrington’s own household in the Royal Crescent. While he was eager to catch up with his old friend, he was dearly hoping that Madeline would be at home when he had knocked on the door.

His hope was realized when he saw her put aside a piece of stitching and rise as he walked into the room while Stafford stood from his desk, where he had been busily shuffling papers. Stafford and Carrington bowed to each other and Madeline bobbed a small curtsy in Lord Carrington’s direction. “It’s beautiful outside. Shall we take a turn in the out of doors?”

Stafford tsked slightly. “I would love to join you, but alas, my steward is coming up from the country today to discuss some affairs. But, perhaps Madeline…” he trailed off, gesturing towards his sister, a question in his eyes.

“I’d be honored if you would accompany me, Lady Madeline,” Carrington said with a small bow. “If you please.”

Maddy bit her lip for only a moment. “Let me retrieve a bonnet, and I’ll meet you outside in a few minutes, Lord Carrington.”

“As you please,” Carrington said with a small smile.

Minutes later, they were ambling away from Queen’s Square, with the intention of taking the Gravel Walk there and back, enjoying the thin sunshine of the day. “And how does Bath treat you thus far, Lord Carrington?” Maddy inquired, secretly adoring the feel of his muscles bunching under her hand as she grasped his proffered arm politely.

“Fair, I suppose,” he replied after a pause. “If I may be honest, it’s a bit hard to be thrust back into society after being away for so long.”

Maddy nodded. “May I ask… were you…” She tried to decide how to word her question. So many men were reluctant to discuss their part in the war, and though she knew Lord Carrington was involved, she had no idea in what capacity. She’d overheard murmurs from her brother about his involvement, but…

And considering his evasiveness last night, she wasn’t sure she should ask.

“I was a spy against the French,” he said softly. “I’ve not told anyone of my involvement, so I am depending on your confidence to keep this sensitive information quiet. It was… a difficult life, but one I was very good at living. This is all a bit… well, different.”

“I can imagine,” Maddy replied, daring not to think of the dangers he must have been in each day as he risked his life to provide vital intelligence to the British against Napoleon’s forces. “It must have been very frightening, and dare I say very isolating, not knowing who you could trust.”

Lord Carrington slid his eyes to her, seeming to marvel at her astute summary of his very feelings. “It was a lonely life, but I was very good at my job.”

“As evidenced by your being here today, having survived,” Maddy said, and Lord Carrington cursed under his breath, suddenly afraid she was now thinking of her poor departed husband.

“You mentioned your husband last night. Winchester? I…”

She gazed up at him, awaiting his question, her eyes clear but curious.

“You must have loved him very much, and mourn him still,” he ventured, hoping for safe terrain.

“Henry was a good man, and a kind one, but it was… it was not a… a love match,” Maddy whispered, knowing they were wandering into forbidden conversational territory. It was most impolitic for a woman to discuss her husband, particularly a departed one.

“I’m sorry to hear it,” Carrington said softly.

“You are?” Maddy asked, her heart aching. Perhaps she had misread his tone, the stilted conversation they’d had all night at the ball, the way his hand had gripped her waist during the Barley Mow last night, the way his eyes had traced her…

She had so hoped, had dared to hope, that perhaps… he felt as she did, that absence makes the heart grow fonder…

“I’m sorry to hear that it wasn’t a love match. A woman of your beauty, your stature, your intelligence deserves nothing less than a love match.”

Maddy shrugged slightly. “I thank you for your kind words, sir, though I’m sure I don’t deserve them.”

“Oh, but you do,” Carrington said. “You are just as I remembered, but so much…” He stopped himself, forcing himself not to express his admiration. ”You deserved a husband who would come back to you, and love you as you deserve.”

“Well, that chance at love seems to have slipped through my fingers,” Maddy said pragmatically. “No one of the peerage would dare marry a young widow, and of a soldier, no less.”

“An officer.”

Maddy laughed slightly. “The distinction hardly matters. I’m ‘damaged goods’, as they say. No good for marrying anymore. I’ve come to accept that, truly.” Squaring her shoulders, she shifted the conversation. “But what of you? Has a lady of Bath attracted your attentions? Surely a man of your stature is in want of a wife. Judging from last night, you certainly have many lovely ladies to choose from.”

“The Season is young yet,” he said teasingly, and she laughed softly. “Do you know of any young ladies who would be willing to make a match with a war-torn wreck like me?”

She studied him for a long moment, pretending to size him up in her mind before speaking. “Well, you still dress very fine, and you don’t have any visible scars or wounds. You are still an accomplished dancer, though there is the matter of…”

“Of?” He prompted.

“Well, your temperament, your obvious lack of wit, and your sloth, my lord. I would have to suggest that no woman would have you.”

His jaw dropped open at the earnestness of her words, wounding him more than he cared to admit. “My…”

“But, as I say, you do dance well. You may be able to catch a wife with that talent,” Maddy continued as though he had said nothing. She turned her face away, hiding a wicked smile.

Lord Carrington let out a gust of air with a laugh. “Didn’t anyone ever teach you it’s not nice to tease your elders?”

Maddy turned back to him, biting her lip to prevent her smile from breaking though. “My sincerest apologies, my lord. I meant no disrespect.”

“Well, I’m much aggrieved,” Carrington said, his voice suddenly somber, dictatorial.

Maddy felt herself pale. “My lord, I do apologize. I was only teasing. I forget that we aren’t children together any longer. It’s not appropriate. I… I’m most sorry, my lord. Please forgive me.”

Carrington studied her for a moment longer. “I’ll forgive you, as I know you are but a slow-witted dolt whose bloom seems to have faded.”

Maddy’s eyes dimmed, and she took a step back, hurt by his words though she knew he was teasing, but Carrington tugged her back against him, bumping her chest against his, rocking her back on her feet. “If you may tease, so may I,” he said, his voice a low growl.

“Of… of course, my lord,” Maddy stammered, both of them taking a beat too long to separate from their close stance.

“Jameson,” he said softly, as they began to walk again.

“My lord?” She asked, not quite able to meet his eyes, afraid he would see the attraction reflected in them.

“I was just wondering if you would ever be able to call me Jameson again, rather than ‘my lord’,” he replied quietly.

“It wouldn’t be proper, my lord,” Maddy replied.

“Of course,” he said quickly. “We must always be proper, mustn’t we.”

She looked at him quizzically, but his gaze was veiled, and she found herself unable to read his thoughts. And she certainly didn’t want him to know hers at this moment…

They took a few more steps in silence before Carrington consulted his watch. “I’m afraid I must return you home, as I have an engagement this afternoon.”

Madeline nodded her assent, her mind whirled at what had just transpired between them, which seemed to have more gravity than just teasing, each word laced with earnestness, with hidden meaning.

But she daren’t hope he felt the same way about her as she did about him, despite the years long past when they were close friends.

The walk back to Queen’s Square was a silent one.

6440/50000

Chapter Four

2009-11-01T10:23:00.000-08:00

“Oh, this is divine,” Maddy said, stroking the new pelisse Rose had pulled from her closet to show her. After a late night at the ball, Maddy had whiled away the morning with a leisurely breakfast and a chapter of a new book before calling on Rose at her home to catch up on their separation of last few months, Rose having been in London since Christmas.

But first, fashion, Rose had insisted, pulling Maddy upstairs to show her the latest acquisitions she had brought from London.

“I know, isn’t it?” Rose agreed, turning back to her closet to pull out a new dress in a pink silk, beautifully cut. “I would hope we can find something similar on Milsom Street. You need one as well. Shall we go shopping tomorrow?”

“Haven’t you had your fill of shopping while in London?” Maddy asked with a laugh.

“Never!”

Maddy grinned, and the two girls cooed and stroked the new dresses and accessories, and Maddy wondered if she would have the courage to ask Fitz for a few pounds for some new dresses of her own for the Season.

Fitz never denied her anything, but she hated to ask just the same – she had been married to Henry at three and twenty, when she was practically a spinster and her father had feared she would become an old maid, willing to marry her to anyone before ‘the rose came off the bloom’. With that marriage, she became Henry’s financial responsibility, but he left for the Campaigns shortly thereafter. Now, three years later, she was a widow, solely dependent on the generosity of her brother.

She knew one word from her and he would turn her loose on Milsom Street with a pocketful of money, but she still hated to ask.

“Maddy?” Rose asked, turning to her. “You look introspective. What is it, poppet?”

Maddy gave her a weak smile. “Nothing, just thinking about Fitz, and how good he is to me – I know he would take us shopping all day if we asked, but I do so hate to ask.”

Rose flushed slightly, and turned back to her closet quickly.

“Rose?” Now it was Maddy’s turn to raise a question. “Is something wrong?”

“Nothing,” Rose said brightly, flopping onto the bed beside her friend, yet another new dress in her arms. “How… how is Fitz? We really didn’t have a chance to catch up last night.”

“He’s fine, I believe,” Maddy said. “I know that managing the estate for the last two years has taken its toll on him, but he manages tolerably well. Mostly, he grumbles about the Marriage Mart and bemoans his lot as an aging rake, totally unwilling to be foisted about for marrying purposes.”

“You think he never means to marry?” Rose asked timidly.

Maddy shrugged. “With Fitz, one never knows, but you know that!” she said with a grin. “In the meantime, it’s up to us to keep him in line, and keep the packs from circling him too closely, isn’t it?”

“Speaking of packs,” Rose said, watching her friend, “I couldn’t help but notice the swarms surrounding a certain Earl during his appearance last night.”

Maddy dropped her eyes to the quilt, not wanting Rose to see the quick flash of jealousy on her features. “Yes, he made quite an impression with his return.”

“Quite an impression on you, as well, I think,” Rose said slyly, and Maddy flushed.

“There’s no denying his attractiveness; every woman in the room saw that,” Maddy said softly.

“And yet none of those women seemed to capture his eye. He only danced with you and that Wilder chit.”

“I believe they are old friends,” Maddy said, vaguely remembering the Wilder lady, and the spark of envy she had felt when Jamie – Lord Carrington, she corrected – had danced a quadrille with her.

“And yet, he seemed to look at you a good deal, Maddy,” Rose said, and Maddy’s head shot up, so wanting to believe her friend. “He did,” she confirmed, and Maddy dared not hope it was true.

“He and Fitz are old friends as well – I’m sure he was just trying to rectify me in society with the young girl he knew from years before. He just seemed very… formal, all evening. Very correct. As though…”

“As though?” Rose prompted with a questioning glance.

“As though if he spoke too much, or danced to close, or said something wrong to me, I would shatter like glass. I felt like he was treating me as though I were a Ming vase, not a lady of his long acquaintance.” Maddy looked at her friend plaintively. “I’m not explaining this very well, am I?”

Rose cocked her head to one side. “I didn’t notice anything like that. He just seemed very formal, but Maddy, he is an earl, and you...”

“I know,” Maddy said sadly. “I’m decidedly not of the same stock that he is. Not anymore.” She sighed softly. “I’m sure I’m reading too much into it. The Lord Carrington I knew never stood on formalities, and we were all so close at one time. I suppose this new, war-hardened earl will take some getting used to. He just… he just seemed to hold himself apart from everyone last night. Does that make sense?”

“I think it does,” Rose said. “I can’t imagine what he saw in the war. Do you know what his assignment was, where he was located?”

“Nothing,” Maddy said. “And when Fitz asked, he became very evasive, and it was clear he had no wish to discuss it, so it was dropped quite quickly.”

“That must be it, then,” Rose said. “He’s still adjusting to society, Maddy, to a world very different from one he knew before. We must all understand that.”

“Yes,” Maddy said softly, “I suppose we must.”

And yet, during that one dance, Maddy would have sworn that sparks of attraction were flaring from him as well, not just from her.

But she must have been wrong.

5008/50000

Chapter Three

2009-11-01T07:27:00.000-08:00

It was over an hour later, as Fitz and Maddy were making conversation with the Fleets, that Maddy felt a stir in her blood as she glanced up.

Jameson was walking in through the archway, ducking slightly to camouflage his height, a weary smile on his lips as mothers began flocking to his side, eager to present their daughters, hoping for an audience with him.
As the Earl of Wyrestone, Jameson Carrington was a prize catch. His family had amassed great wealth over the years, and his title alone made him attractive to all the eligible women.

Not to mention his dashing looks and strong figure, Maddy mused.

But along with his wealth and title, there was a dash of danger that most women couldn’t deny – Jameson had been in France for the last several years, acting on the side of the British in the campaigns. Though what he actually did in France was heavily veiled, he seemed wrapped in danger, secrets and strength.

What mother could resist that for her daughter?

With a suppressed sigh, Maddy knew she would never get to know his secrets – he was so far out of her league, they may as well as been on different continents.

Instead, she would have to be grateful for his friendship with Fitz, and with her. At least then that would afford her the opportunity to get to know him again. She recalled him as an intense youth, frighteningly intelligent and shockingly funny, but with a vein of kindness running though it all.

She wondered if the war had changed him overmuch, or if he was still the Jamie of her youth.

Madeline felt her face light up when she finally spotted Jamie – Lord Carrington, she reminded herself sternly – moving towards them with purpose, disentangling himself from the roiling group of women that had surrounded him.

“Quite an event, isn’t it?” he said by way of greeting to Fitz with a slight roll of his eyes. “Lady Madeline,” he said, his voice husky as he kissed her hand. “You look… lovely.”

Madeline felt herself blush, glad she had taken extra time and attention in getting ready for the night, picking out a silken gown in blue that brought out her eyes and, dare she think it, accentuated her figure to her best advantage. “Thank you, Lord Carrington,” she said demurely, feeling the heat of his hand on hers. She studied him as Carrington and her brother fell into easy conversation about the attendees around them.

His hair was a touch longer than she remembered, but still that silky, touchable blond. His piercing blue eyes seemed to twinkle with secrets, his dimpled chin rough with stubble, drawing her eye as she examined the fine cut of his coat, the high polish of his Hessian boots. She gazed up at him, surprised again at how tall he was – he stood several heads taller than she, and dwarfed almost all the men in the room.

She felt like a sprite next to him.

He moved with a grace that belied his height however, and spoke of the strength hidden beneath his finely cut clothes. He was indeed a fine specimen of a man, she thought with a secret smile. If only…

“What of your father, Stafford? How is he?” Carrington asked easily, and both the faces of Madeline and Fitz fell.

“He died, Carrington. Going on two years now,” Stafford said quietly. “I’m the Viscount now.”

Carrington visibly blanched at the news. “God, I’m so sorry. He was… he was the very best of men.”
Stafford nodded his agreement, but remained silent. Carrington seemed to sympathize, having lost his father at a young age, and being elevated to the gentry as only a teenage boy.

“And what of your husband, Lady Madeline?” he asked, turning to her. “Is he in attendance this evening?”

Madeline cleared her throat slightly. “He… he died, also, Lord Carrington. He was an officer in the army under Wellington. He died in the Battle of Nivelle three years ago. Winchester, his name was.”

Carrington processed this, his eyes not leaving hers. “I’m so sorry,” he said sincerely, his voice softer now. “To be a widow, at such a young age…”

Madeline nodded at his words, her own mind spinning. Her marriage to Henry had been arranged primarily by her father, and though she was fond enough of Henry, it was certainly not the romance of the century. But his dying and leaving her a widow certainly reduced her standing in society, and virtually decimated any chances at making a profitable match again. Though she was well provided for by her brother, she wanted, no, she yearned for love again.

But that possibility seemed too distant to even consider anymore.

“Would it be…” Carrington cleared his throat. “Would it be presumptuous of me to ask you for a dance? It’s been too long since we all saw each other, and I long for the comfort of old friends.”

Madeline placed her hand on his proffered sleeve. “I would like that, Lord Carrington.”

“Jameson,” he murmured as he led her through the crowd. “I’m just Jameson.”

Though she barely heard him, she could hear the yearning in his voice to drop the pretense, the peerage, the decorum.

But she daren’t obey.

They took their places on the floor opposite each other, waiting for the music to begin again. Madeline gambling a look at Lord Carrington, watched his eyes rove from her curls to the tips of her toes, slowly, as though his eyes were caressing her, taking the measure of her.

She felt her breath quicken even as she dropped her startled gaze to the floor at his indecorous look, felt her bodice tighten as she imagined his fingers stroking her, tracing the length of her, instead of his eyes.

His features smoothed then, and she wondered if she had imagined the whole thing.

The Barley Mow started, and she was a beat slow, so engrossed in imagining them together…

She hurried to match his steps, then drew in a breath as his hand slid over hers, then a feather touch of his hand at her waist, his breath at her ear as they passed each other, and as Madeline followed the steps by rote, she tried not to revisit the picture of him in her mind, of them entangled together…

Though his steps were correct, his hands correct, she felt flames shoot through her at every touch of his hands on her.

If they were to dance again, it was going to be a very long night indeed, Madeline thought as she concentrated on the music, instead of the man parrying beside her.

God help her.

###

Jameson knew the minute he walked in, it was going to be a very long night.

He’d only made it two steps in the door before he was beset by women, eager to display their daughters as though they were bonnets in a window, rather than young ladies with feelings of their own.

But, he struggled to be polite and engaging with them all, even as his eyes scanned the room, looking for a shock of pale blond hair, despite his earlier admonition to himself not to seek out Madeline.

But since seeing her at the Abbey, Madeline had been much on his mind.

And not wholesome thoughts, either, he mused, struggling to follow the conversations around him. With a start, he spotted Fitzwilliam and Madeline on the other side of the room, deep in conversation with a red haired beauty, several men he recalled from other events, and the Fleet husband and wife.

But he only had eyes for Madeline, watching her smile at something someone had said, her fingers dancing in the air as she gesticulated to make her point to the group surrounding her.

Though it had been years, he felt he knew her as intimately as he did when they were younger.

Perhaps not intimately, he thought with a hidden smile – that was just what he wished for since seeing her again.

To know the curves beneath her gown, the sound of her breath in his ear, the feel of her soft skin…

They had barely spoken, but seeing her again had reminded him what he had fought for in France – to keep safe the ladies of English society, to protect them from the horrors of war, and to secure a feeling of worth in a society that he had always felt outside of, since inheriting his title.

Shaking himself from these thoughts, he realized Madeline Stafford – he didn’t even know her current surname – was never going to be in his bed.

He wouldn’t allow it. Someone as damaged as him could never trust himself with a lady such as her between the sheets.

But perhaps a dance would be permissible…

As he crossed the room as though pulled by her very presence, he cautioned himself to keep his distance from Lady Madeline – emotionally, if not physically, as they danced.

The last thing he wanted was to frighten her with the darkness that had overtaken him since his time in France, or to fall too deeply under her spell with those eyes like blue pools, her translucent skin beneath her gown…

He simply couldn’t allow that.

4005/50000

Chapter Two

2009-11-01T05:54:00.000-08:00

Fitzwilliam collapsed onto the sofa beside his sister, stretching out his long legs and taking a sip of brandy and heaving a great sigh.

Madeline giggled at his theatrics.

“It’s a ball, not the gallows, Fitz,” she reminded him with a grin and he sighed again.

“It’s just the whole attitude of the Marriage Mart,” he complained. “For the last two weeks, I feel as though I’ve been on display like a side of meat in a butcher shop, rather than just dancing with a pretty girl or two. Every dance is fraught with hidden meaning…” his voice raised to imitate a squawking female, “Ooh, he’s dancing with me! Perhaps he loves me! Perhaps he’ll propose marriage right after this gavotte!” He sighed again. “It’s exhausting, Maddy.”

Madeline grinned at her older brother. Though six years separated them, they had grown immeasurably close in the last two years, following the death of their excellent father. Their mother had died many years before, leaving the three of them to manage without the strong guiding hand of a woman.

Their mother’s last wishes were for Fitz to marry a lovely, elegant, capable girl, and for Maddy to marry high above her station.

Obviously, neither wish was granted.

“Exhausting for you?” Maddy teased. “Try being pumped for information about the ‘handsome Stafford boy’ all the time, and being ignored at all the dances by any man less than about fifty years old. Your prospects are certainly better than mine.” With his dashing good looks, eligibility, and title, Fitz was a catch indeed for many of the ladies attending the Season.

Fitz reached a hand across and squeezed his little sister’s hand affectionately. He felt a constant sense of failure that he hadn’t married her off well, and was still determined to give her the life she deserved – someone as kind, sweet, smart and lovely as Maddy deserved a fine husband.

Anyone watching the two of them would doubt they were even related: Maddy was blonde and blue eyed, her porcelain skin setting off her delicate features. Fitzwilliam, on the other hand, had a tumble of dark hair framing his brown eyes, and his shoulders were wide, setting off his height, whereas Maddy looked like a pixie compared to him, tiny in stature and size. And yet, there was something of both their parents in them, despite their contrasts.

And no one could doubt the sibling affection between them.

“Don’t say that, Maddy,” Fitz said somberly. “I…”

She raised a hand to stop him. “Think nothing of it. Let’s just go to the ball, and enjoy ourselves, yes?”

Fitz sighed again, making Maddy laugh. “If you insist.”

“And besides,” she said with a teasing tone, “If you don’t find your lady love tonight, there’s a ball tomorrow, and a night of supper and cards then night after that, and then another dance…”

Fitz’s groan drowned out Maddy’s recitation of the Bath entertainments, and she laughed, standing up to ready herself for the evening, leaving Fitz to his fortifying brandy.

###

Madeline nervously tucked a stray lock behind her ear, examining her face in the mirror one last time before grabbing her wrap and heading for the door to her bedchamber.

She’d been to what seemed to be hundreds of balls and parties in the last few years, so why was she nervous about this one, she wondered, snicking the door shut behind her, even as she knew the untruth of her thought.

Because of him.

The Earl of Wyrestone.

Jameson.

Jamie, she had called him in their youth. Jamie, who was fast friends with her brother Fitzwilliam, and would spend weeks on their estate after his father died unexpectedly when he was but a teenager.

She’d been enamored with him then, as a young girl often has crushes on her brother’s friends.

But seeing him again today, in the flesh, looking like a grown man… well, it explained the butterflies in her stomach as she smiled and took her brother’s arm at the bottom of the stairs.

“You look very pretty, Maddy,” Fitz said warmly. “The men will be lining up to dance with you tonight,” he said, steering them outside and into their carriage.

“I very much doubt that,” she said primly. “Let’s hope better luck for you.”

Minutes later, they were alighting from the carriage and moving into the din of the Marquess’s ball, where it seemed all of Bath had turned out for the event. Madeline held on to Fitz’s arm as they struggled through the crowd, searching for an empty spot, a familiar face. They greeted friend and acquaintances, but Madeline’s eyes roved the crowd, looking for only one face.

Jamie.

Shaking her head, she tried to rid herself of the image of him, concentrating instead on those dancing and socializing around her.

After what seemed ages, she and Fitz found a space along one wall, drinks in their hands and smiles on their faces as people scooted by. Maddy jumped as a pair of arms wrapped around her neck with a squeal.

“Madeline!”

Maddy laughed as she disentangled herself from Rose, her closest friend. Miss Rose Rivenhall, daughter of Baron Braeston, had spent the last several months in London, and Maddy had missed her companionship terribly, and was delighted to see her back in Bath. “Rose!” she said with a laugh. “You’ve returned!”

Rose smiled at her friend, her shockingly red hair a stark contrast to Maddy’s pale hair, her green eyes dancing with delight. “My god, it’s good to be back,” Rose said dramatically. “It’s been absolute ages since we’ve seen each other. You have to tell me everything I’ve missed! I want details!”

Maddy grinned. “Only if you tell us about the glittering life in London,” she replied, clasping her friend’s hands in hers. “I’m sure you’ve got fabulous stories. I’ve missed you so.”

“And I, you,” Rose replied. Rose and Maddy appeared to be unlikely friends – whereas Maddy was relatively quiet and even keeled, Rose was boisterous and impetuous and always with a twinkle of mischief in her eye, but they adored each other completely, having become friends as young girls and remaining close throughout the intervening years.

Fitz turned from his conversation beside them and sent a warm smile in Rose’s direction. “Miss Rivenhall has returned,” he said jovially. “Back to the boring life in Bath, eh?”

Rose’s eyes dropped to the floor for a moment before she plastered a smile on her face again. “It’s nice to see you, my Lord.”

“And you, Miss Rivenhall,” Fitz replied easily. “Now that you’re back, we’re sure to have constant entertainment, no?”

Rose blushed slightly under his teasing, and Maddy regarded her thoughtfully, unsure why Rose would blush around Fitz, who had been a part of their circle for so long. “I’ll do my best, my Lord,” she replied demurely.

“Shall I fetch drinks?” Fitz inquired, and both ladies nodded their assent. He struggled through the crowd, and Rose watched his retreating back before whirling back around to her friend. “So, what’s the latest gossip from the ton?”

Maddy took a breath, and then decided to jump right into the most important development in her world. “Jamie’s back,” she said quietly.

Rose’s eyebrows rose. “Jameson? He’s back from France? It’s been years…”

Maddy nodded. “He’s just returned to Bath. We saw him at church on Sunday. He has said he would be here…” she replied, her eyes automatically scanning the crowd again, and Rose watched her, biting her lip.

“Still nursing that childhood crush?” she teased, and Maddy flushed. “Still as good looking as we remember?”

“Better,” Maddy replied wickedly, and Rose laughed, hugging her friend to her again.

“Maddy, listen…” Rose said after a moment, drawing back. “I just want to caution you… don’t let him break your heart. You know that you aren’t…”

Maddy nodded, cutting her off. “I know. It could never happen, not with my circumstance, but…”

“A bit of something lovely to look at is nice, though, isn’t it?” Rose said with a teasing grin, and both girls dissolved into giggles, happy to be back together again.

2456/50000

Chapter One

2009-11-01T04:49:00.000-08:00

The first time Jameson laid eyes on her, he was convinced she was an angel sent to earth to torment him.

It didn’t help that he was ensconced in Bath Abbey, shifting uncomfortably in the hard wooden pew as the priest droned on and on about redemption and forgiveness in the eyes of the Lord.

A topic with which Carrington assumed he would never be on a first name basis with the Lord on, judging from this personal history in the last few years.

As he shifted again, he caught sight of that tumble of blonde locks a few rows ahead of him, a head bowed reverentially in prayer. Moments later, the head came up and looked around, as though sensing his gaze boring in her back.

When he saw the piercing blue eyes, the porcelain skin, the hair like sunshine-kissed gold, Carrington’s breath caught in his throat, his groin tightening of its own accord.

He nearly choked a moment later when he saw who was seated beside the angelic woman – his old friend, Fitzwilliam Stafford, the Viscount of Carborough.

Could this heavenly creature be his wife? Or, even more impossibly, his little sister?

Surely not.

She was but a girl when he left on the campaigns…

Carrington was going to make it his mission to find out who she was, as soon as these bloody prayers were over.

###

Carrington sped his footfalls towards the heavy wooden doors, his eyes locked on the back of Stafford, hoping to catch him before he alighted into his waiting carriage. “Stafford!” he called, and Fitzwilliam whirled around at his name. “Is that really you, old man?”

Stafford’s face broke into a wide smile. “Carrington?” he asked with an edge of incredulity. “Is that you? Are you back from the mainland, then, quite the hero?”

Carrington smiled, coming to stand next to one of his oldest friends. “Well, not sure about the hero part, but my return is true enough. How are you?”

Stafford grinned, slapping Carrington on the back warmly. “I’m well, I’m well. Are you in Bath for the whole Season?”

Carrington nodded. “At least until business calls me back to the north,” he said. “Are you here for the Season as well?”

Stafford nodded with an air of resignation. “Balls and parties every night, hoping we can escape with our lives intact, if not with a wife or two in tow,” he said with a wry grin.

Carrington nodded his agreement, his eyes drifting towards the blonde beauty at Stafford’s side, again marveling at her beauty, now even more stunning as he was only a few feet away. “But tell me, surely this isn’t… little Madeline?”

“I tend to prefer Lady Madeline,” she said tartly, but with a warm smile that belied her harsh tone. “I find being called little Madeline a bit damaging to my ego – and my reputation.”

Carrington grinned, for though she was much grown – but then he had been gone for years – she still had that sparkle in her eye and the easy smile he remembered from his youth, when he would visit Stafford at his estate, the two of them being followed around by that pesky younger sister.

That pesky younger sister had grown into a handsome woman indeed, he mused.

He did the math in his head – he was two and thirty, which made Madeline five and twenty? Or six and twenty? He realized with surprise that she was older than he thought, and wondered why she was at church with her brother, and not…

“My apologies, Lady Madeline,” he said, putting an emphasis on her title. “It’s lovely to see you again after all these years. You are well grown,” he said, taking her proffered hand and pressing a kiss to the warm skin of her hand.

And then, he recoiled slightly.

She had a thin gold band on her ring finger.

The penny drops.

He silently chastised himself – he knew it was too much to ask that a beautiful creature like her be unattached, available for the first dance at the Marquess Cecil’s ball tonight.

“Still as charming as ever,” she said with a shy smile, withdrawing her hand slowly. “And I was afraid the campaigns would make you hard.”

Carrington nearly squeezed his eyes shut at her innocent words, picturing something else altogether even as he felt a heavy pressure in his trousers at her melodious voice.

And in a church, no less.

He truly was soulless.

Stafford, however, interrupted those forbidden thoughts and the flash of images that went with them in Carrington’s mind. “Are you going to the ball at Cecil’s this evening? We can catch up then?”

Carrington nodded his assent. “I’ll be in attendance. Perhaps the Lady Madeline will allow me the pleasure of a dance – if your husband doesn’t object.”

Madeline colored slightly, a rosy pink rising in her cheeks, a shiver working down her spine as a breeze kicked up around them, tousling a lock of hair from her neat bun and drifting across her cheek. “I…”

“We’ll see you tonight, Carrington. Come, Maddy, let’s get you out of this windy weather,” Stafford said, taking his sister’s elbow and walking her towards their carriage, waiting near the doors. “We’ll catch up then.”

Indeed we would, Carrington thought, puzzled by the Lady Madeline’s curious reaction to her husband’s mention.

Perhaps there was hope after all, he mused as he spun on his heel and walked swiftly towards his own waiting carriage.

1101/50000

Prologue

2009-11-01T04:38:00.000-08:00

England, 1816

He couldn’t decide which to do first after setting foot on solid ground again: go to the nearest establishment and drown himself in a tankard of ale, find a bit o’ muslin to lose himself in for a night (or two), or simply sink to his knees in the surf, happy to once again be home in England.

Or perhaps all three.

As the ship bumped into the dock of Bournemouth, Lord Jameson Carrington, the Earl of Wyrestone, heaved a sigh of relief and anticipation at finally be back home after spending so many of the intervening war years in France.

He longed to see the green rolling hills of his home, to bask in the company of his friends, to forget all the misdeeds he had committed for King and country.

And many misdeeds they were.

He hoped a return back home would help restore his soul – but that may be too much to ask…

Nonetheless, with a spring in his step, he stepped onto the dock – and made haste to the closest pub.

He had a lot of catching up to do.

186/50000

The Summary

2009-10-09T06:23:00.001-07:00

Bath in 1816 was all about propriety and society.

So what happens when the dashing Lord Carrington – a war-weary former spy with a dark secret – and the lovely Lady Madeline – a young widow - meet up again for the first time since their childhood?

Sparks, lust, and the exploration of what certainly isn’t proper by society standards.

As Madeline delves deeper into the life Lord Carrington led in France as a spy, erotic secrets and hidden desires spill over, engulfing both of them and threatening to flame out.

2009-10-08T20:02:00.001-07:00

Prologue

Chapter One

Chapter Two

Chapter Three

Chapter Four

Chapter Five

Chapter Six

Chapter Seven

Chapter Eight

Chapter Nine

Chapter Ten

Chapter Eleven

Chapter Twelve

Chapter Thirteen

Chapter Fourteen

Chapter Fifteen

Chapter Sixteen

Chapter Seventeen

Chapter Eighteen

Chapter Nineteen

Chapter Twenty

Chapter Twenty-One

Chapter Twenty-Two

Chapter Twenty-Three

Chapter Twenty-Four

Chapter Twenty-Five

Chapter Twenty-Six

Chapter Twenty-Seven

Chapter Twenty-Eight

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Thirty

Chapter Thirty-One

Chapter Thirty-Two

Chapter Thirty-Three

Chapter Thirty-Four

Chapter Thirty-Five

The Challenge

2009-10-08T19:58:00.003-07:00

Okay. Here's how this works.

We, the crazy NaNo crowd, have THIRTY days to write a FIFTY-THOUSAND WORD novel.

This means words, words, and more words.

And with a time crunch, that means no going back, no editing, no tweaking, no finessing.

Just words.

This isn't going to be good. It isn't going to be polished and it sure as hell isn't going to be concise.

That's not the point.

The point is just balls-to-the-wall, full on writing for 30 days until we have a novel written. It's insane, but trust me, it's fun.

If you are going to be reading along, please note: I have no idea how often I'll be updating, so please navigate to the "chapter listings" to find past chapters, or to start at the beginning.

Words of encouragement, caffeinated beverages and your support are most appreciated. I write for myself, but oftentimes, I find myself writing much more for all of you.

Wish me luck!

The Cast

2009-10-08T19:55:00.000-07:00

Lady Madeline Winchester (nee Stafford)

Jameson Carrington, the Earl of Wyrestone

Fitzwilliam Stafford, Viscount of Carborough

Miss Rose Rivenhall, daughter of Baron Braeston

Lady Amelia Drake, daughter of the Duke of Wrightsbury

The Right Honorable Earl of Weststoke, Trevor Blakely (son of the Marquess of Hawkridge)