Chapter Thirty-One

Maddy took a sip of her tea, peering over the top of her china cup at her brother, who was spreading orange marmalade on a crumpet with entirely too wide a smile on his face.

“You seem quite happy this morning,” she observed, hiding her smile by taking another sip.

Fitz jumped as though he’d forgotten she was even in the room. “Oh. Yes. It is a nice morning,” he said, still smiling like a fool.

“You seem to be in a happy mood,” Maddy continued teasingly. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain best friend of mine, would it?” she asked, and Fitz finally laughed out loud.

“Oh Maddy…” Fitz said happily. “It’s like… it’s like everything is falling into place. I’ve always cared so much for Rose, and then to know she feels the same way – it’s like everything happened at just the right time. And if it hadn’t been for that note in my pocket she left, I might never have known how she felt, and would never have taken the initiative to find out, for fear of coming between you two, or having it be awkward every time we saw each other, which is often.”

Maddy felt a burst of satisfaction that her match making notes had hit their mark, and now her two favorite people were finally together and happy. “I’m truly glad for you, Fitz. I couldn’t be more pleased that you and Rose have found each other. I imagine she’s over the moon as well.”

“I can’t wait to walk into the ball tonight with her on my arm,” Fitz replied. “She makes me laugh, she makes me happy, and knowing that you already approve of her seals the deal, as it were. Now, we just have to find you a match that would make you equally happy, don’t we?”

Maddy bit her lip, considering. She hadn’t yet told her brother of Lord Blakely’s proposal the day before, or of her refusal of it. She wasn’t sure it was even worth bringing up, knowing how disappointed Fitz would be, and how disapproving he would be that she was hanging her heart on Jamie instead. Though she knew there as a chance Lord Blakely would mention his proposal to Fitz, she had a feeling that he would respect her decision and let it lie, rather than going to Fitz so that he could apply pressure to Maddy to accept.

Lord Blakely was just the sort of man who would respect a woman’s wishes and continue on as though it had never happened, another reason Maddy liked him so.

And thus, she just wasn’t going to tell Fitz of the previous day’s proposal – it was her secret.

“A letter has arrived for you, sir,” Billings said, interrupting them both as he slipped into the room quietly. He handed Fitz the heavy envelope and disappeared back through the doorway like a ghost. Fitz lay aside his crumpet and carefully slit open the letter with his knife. Maddy continued to sip silently as Fitz read, waiting to see if it was another love note from Rose – only from her own hand this time, rather than Maddy’s, she thought happily.

“It’s from Carrington,” Fitz said at length, and Maddy straightened in her chair, eager to know what he had written. Perhaps he was asking Fitz’s permission to propose to Maddy…

“He says he’s not sure if he’ll be back in Bath in time for the ball this evening,” Fitz said, reading aloud. “Apparently, he’s sick of dances and balls – Lady Amelia Drake has dragged him to about twenty since he returned to Town.”

Maddy felt her stomach drop at his recitation of Jamie’s words, a sudden vision of Lady Amelia and Jamie dancing together twisting her belly. “Lady Drake? I didn’t realize she had gone to London with Jamie.”

Fitz nodded absently. “Yes, apparently, they have been spending a lot of time together, in between Jamie’s business and meetings. He hopes to return here, but isn’t sure when. He wants to know if I want to go shooting in the south when he does return. That sounds jolly good,” Fitz said, folding the letter carefully and sliding it back in the envelope. “Oh, and he told me to give you his best regards.”

Maddy wanted to cry.

His best regards?!

Where was his declaration of love? Where was his asking Fitz for permission to marry her? And why in the name of all that was holy was he spending every spare minute in London with Lady Amelia Drake?!

“I’m glad he is well,” Maddy managed to choke out. “Will you excuse me? I believe I’m done,” Maddy said, pushing back from the table so quickly that all the china danced on the tabletop, nearly toppling over. Fitz merely nodded, unaware of her dark feelings as she flew out of the room and upstairs, willing herself not to cry before reaching the privacy of her own chambers.

She stepped into her room and closed the door quietly, then flung herself onto the bed, burying her face in her pillow, forcing herself not to cry.

No man was worth her tears now, not even Lord Jamie Carrington, Earl of Wyrestone.

She rolled over after a long minute and stared at the ceiling, mulling things over.

Everything was wrong, she decided.

Rose and Fitz, that was fine. Happy news, even.

But Jamie and Lady Drake? In London? With her stuck in Bath?

That was not fine.

She knew that entrusting her heart to Jamie was taking a chance, but she didn’t have a choice – she had vowed to follow her heart, rather than her head, and now it was turning out to be the worst decision she would make.

Christ, she’d even turned down a proposal from a perfectly nice gentleman on the apparently false belief that she and Jamie were destined to be together.

Now, she wondered if what they had shared at Rotherham House had just been a passing fancy for Jamie, a way to satisfy his sexual urges and get what he wanted – dark sexual passion, as it were – with someone he trusted from childhood.

My god, she was a fool, she thought darkly.

She was just his sexual plaything. Maybe he didn’t love her after all.

But those few hours they had spent in bed together had meant more to her than a lifetime of lukewarm lovemaking ever could. Better to have had a few hours of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special.

She just had to accept the fact that perhaps nothing would come of their coupling after all.

She had long ago decided that she would rather be a spinster for the rest of her days than to marry someone just to secure her financial peace, and now it seemed that decision had come to pass.

With a shake of her head, Maddy decided she was done. Done with match making, done with waiting for Jamie, done with hoping a man would make everything right in her world.

A spinster’s life it was, she decided.

What other choice did she have at this point?

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