Chapter Fourteen

I can’t believe I told him, Maddy thought to herself, striding purposefully around the garden, impatiently tugging her wrap around her shoulders as it slid off again.

I told him that I had little experience in making love, and that what I did have was unsatisfactory, she thought angrily.

I told Lord Carrington about my sexual relations with my dead husband, Maddy thought, sinking onto a nearby bench, and that it wasn’t good.

And he didn’t even tease me about it.

In fact, he made the act itself sound… wondrous.

Henry always made it seem like a chore he wanted to put off, and put off, and put off.

But still, I told Jamie – Lord Carrington – about my bedroom experience. The man I’ve been wanting since his return to France now knows that not only am I damaged goods, but that I’ve no experience as well.
Me and my stupid mouth, Maddy chastised herself, jumping as Rose approached, startling her.

“You look lost in thought, and angry about it,” Rose said, sitting down beside her. “Is something amiss?”

“Nothing,” Maddy said sullenly.

“Did you not have a good ride with Lord Carrington? I thought you’d be ever so pleased that you finally got to spend time with him. And alone, you chit.”

Maddy sighed and gave a small smile, and then leaned into her friend. “Oh, Rose. It was actually a wonderful ride – he was polite and pleasant, and we talked for ages before returning to the stables. It almost felt like old times, but with a frisson of… excitement, I suppose. But then I…”

“You what?”

“I think I ruined it.” Maddy thought back to their ride. After her confession, they had stood up and mounted the horses only minutes later, and ridden back to Rotherham House in near silence, she humiliated, and she could only guess at Jamie’s feelings.

She knew that silence equaled disappointment and disgust in Jamie’s eyes, she knew it.

“How did you ruin it?”

“It doesn’t matter. Truly, it doesn’t,” Maddy said evenly.

“My darling friend, perhaps…” Rose trailed off. “Perhaps it wasn’t meant to be.”

“My very thought,” Maddy said softly.

“He is so much higher in society than anyone of our acquaintance. I’m sure he is expected to marry someone of equally high standing. Like that dreadful…”

“Oh, don’t say her name,” Maddy pleaded, interrupting her. “I’ve had a bad enough day.”

Rose giggled. “Well, nonetheless, I know you are very fond of Lord Carrington, and I’m sure he is fond of you as well, because who wouldn’t be? But still…”

“But still,” Maddy agreed. “You are right. I should just put him out of my mind. I’m happy to be acquainted with him, but nothing more can come of it. Done. Finished.”

“There you are then!”

So why didn’t it feel done and finished?, Maddy ruminated as she and Rose headed for the house.

She still ached to talk to Jamie again.

And to learn more about that ‘greatest pleasure’ he had spoken about.

She really was a chit, she thought gloomily, stepping into the house behind her friend.

###

Jamie was determined to find her before dinner.

If he was going to have to sit through another interminable dinner hour, he was going to make damn sure he had something to look forward to afterwards.

Catching sight of a blonde head on the stair above him, he practically sprinted until he was on the same stair as Madeline, towering over her. “Lady Madeline,” he said, smiling slightly.

“Lord… Lord Carrington,” Madeline said, bobbing a curtsy, and avoiding his eyes assiduously.

“Lady Madeline? Are you ill?” He was suddenly concerned… why wouldn’t she look at him? Why wouldn’t she meet his gaze?

“I’m quite well, my lord. I was just going to rest before dinner in my room,” Madeline said softly, inching up another stair.

He stopped her by resting his hand on her arm, then took another step up. “Please, wait, Lady Madeline.”
“My lord…”

“Why will you not look at me?”Jamie asked softly.

“I’m… I’m embarrassed, my lord. About what I said today. It was… most impolitic, and I beg you to forgive me.” Madeline said plaintively. “Please, let me return to my room.”

“I have something to ask you before I’ll let you go,” Jamie said, his voice low. “But first, I want you to look at me. Please.”

After a long pause, Madeline raised her blue eyes to his, and he detected a shimmer of tears in them. “Lady Madeline... please do not trouble yourself about today. Truly. It’s not worth tears… it doesn’t even warrant mentioning again, if you wish it.”

“I…”

“I was going to ask you if you would like to go riding again tomorrow. With me. I so enjoyed our trip out today, I thought we might repeat the journey,” Jamie asked, surprised to find his heart in his throat, willing her to say yes, to agree to see him again.

“You… you do? You want me to ride with you again?”

“I do, yes,” Jamie replied. “I enjoyed our time together.”

“As did I, my lord. But your other guests…”

“Will understand that I wish to spend time with an old friend,” Jamie finished for her.

“And what of Lady Drake? Surely she wishes to ride with you again,” Madeline asked, sniffling slightly.

“She will simply have to be left to dig her claws in someone else for the day,” Jamie said unkindly. “She is not the type of company I wish to have tomorrow. I wish for your company, Lady Madeline.”

“I… I would be happy to accompany you, my lord,” Madeline said softly, curtsying again. “I shall see you at dinner.”

Before she could move, he reached up and cupped her cheek in his palm for the briefest moment. “Please don’t cry. It will be my undoing,” he whispered softly.

Madeline’s eyes widened at his uncharacteristically gentle words, and she blinked the unshed tears away furiously. “As you wish, my lord.”

And with that, she fled upstairs.

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