Chapter Thirteen

Jamie couldn’t seem to relax into the saddle atop Thunder, not with Madeline only a few feet away, sitting atop a spirited white mare and grinning happily.

“I’m so glad you suggested a ride today, my lord,” she said, turning to him as they trotted along. “It’s truly lovely here. It must have been hard for you to leave it behind for so long.”

“It was indeed,” Jamie agreed, glancing around, and then settling his gaze on her, needing someone to confide in who wouldn’t judge him. “I feel as though I still have a lot of catching up to do. I’m not sure if I’ll be able to return to Bath for some time yet, until things are settled here.”

“That’s understandable,” she said reasonably. “Besides, you want to prove to your tenants that you are here to stay; re-earn their trust, as it were.”

“Exactly,” he said. She’d read his mind – those very thoughts had been flashing around in his brain since his return, and since seeing the standoffish nature of his tenants since he came back to Rotherham. Everyone was deferential, but unwilling to speak too plainly. Even his steward was not speaking his mind, much to Jamie’s chagrin. He had a lot of business to catch up on, now more than ever as the country repairs itself from a war. “Not to mention they keep hounding me to find a wife to care for the house.”

“I imagine it must be very tiresome, my lord, to be so pursued and everyone eager for you to wed and start siring heirs. What an inconvenience to your rakish lifestyle.”

Her face was impassive, but he heard the teasing tone in her voice, and he smiled. “Tiresome indeed,” he shot back, and she grinned then.

“And what of you, Lady Madeline? I imagine you cause a stir wherever you go,” Jamie said, slowing his stallion to a slow walk. “Shall we walk for a bit, rest the horses?”

She nodded and they dismounted, leaving the horses to graze in a copse of trees and walking into the shadows of a giant oak tree, a light breeze tousling both of their blond locks. “I cause a stir, my lord, but for all the wrong reasons,” Madeline said softly, in reference to his earlier statement.

“And why is that?” Jamie asked. “They’ve never seen a blonde sprite in their midst before?”

Madeline grinned and patted her hair self consciously. “I’m not a sprite, my lord.”

“A fairy then, sent to enchant us all.”

“Hardly,” she said quietly, her cheeks reddening. “It isn’t nice to tease me.”

“I’ve never known you to shrink back from teasing – or to shrink from teasing others,” Jamie said with a small smile.

“I thought you’d forgiven me for that,” Madeline said, suddenly unsure.

“My lady, I would not forgive you if you stopped teasing me. It’s nice to have at least one person put me in my place, rather than being so bloody deferential all the time, just because of my title.” He paused, abashed. “Pardon my harsh words, my lady.”

Madeline waved a hand dismissively. “It is so very hard, being an earl, with all this at your disposal?” She asked, waving a hand at the fields surrounding them.

“More often than not, yes,” Jamie said heavily. “And since coming home, it’s been… much more apparent what is expected of me, and even harder to deliver that.”

“The perfect earl with the perfect estate with the perfect family?” Madeline asked, her tone sympathetic, instead of teasing.

He nodded, and looked out across the fields. “I just want to succeed here. But it’s hard to do alone.”

“You seem to have a wonderful staff to help you,” Madeline said, and Jamie nodded again. “And they think most highly of you.”

“It’s true, I suppose, but…” Jamie trailed off. “Still, let us talk of happier things rather than of business. Tell me about you and your life while I’ve been away.”

Madeline sighed slightly, and then spoke. “I live very quietly, my lord. Since my husband’s passing, I have found my place in society a bit more… difficult to ascertain. I know that Fitz is desperate for me to remarry and be happy, and though he would never deny me anything, I hate being so reliant on him for my living.”
“Your husband left you nothing?” Jamie asked, his tone serious.

“Very… very little, my lord.”

“What was your officer like?” Jamie asked, sitting down on the ground and leaning against the trunk of the massive tree. After a moment, Madeline joined him, smoothing her skirts around her, taking care to cover her ankles and tug her wrap tighter around her shoulders.

“Henry was… a kind man. Truly he was. He and my father were great friends, and as I grew older and had not yet found a husband on my own, my father arranged for us to marry.”

“He was quite a bit older, then?”

“Yes, my lord. He was six and forty when we married,” Madeline said softly. “As I said, he was a kind man, and treated me with care, but…” She trailed off, shaking her head.

“But what?” Jamie prodded. “You can tell me, Lady Madeline. We are old friends.”

“No, no, I just…” Madeline paused, then seemed to steel herself. “Henry was… he was a nice man, but we weren’t, I mean, we didn’t… I think he was proud of me, but I don’t think he particularly… felt for me.”

“In what way?”

“Well, we rarely talked – it seemed he had no opinions of his own, and we only spoke of household matters. He never wanted to talk of the world, of the future, of anything. It made for a lot of lonely evenings by the fire, knowing he had nothing to say to me. And he…”

“He?” Jamie prompted.

“This isn’t proper to talk about, not in mixed company,” Madeline protested, her face flushing slightly, and she bowed her head.

“Lady Madeline, I just said, we’re old friends. If you can’t talk to old friends, who can you converse with? Besides, there is no one here but you and I, and I’m sure Thunder and Peaches won’t say anything.”

Madeline smiled at that, and then took a deep breath and blew it out slowly. “I always sensed that I didn’t please him – in appearance.”

“But you’re beautiful,” Jamie said quickly, and without a hint of false flattery. “How could that not please him?”

Madeline closed her eyes, unable to meet his, and unable to accept his compliment. “If I had pleased him in appearance, then he would have taken me to his bed… more often.”

“You didn’t… he didn’t make love to you?”

Madeline kept her eyes closed. “He did a few times – but it was perfunctory. It was as though it was just another chore – he wanted a son, and this was the means to an end. It was never – passionate, or loving, or even pleasing. And it certainly wasn’t often,” she said softly, then gasped and placed a hand over her mouth in disbelief. “I can’t believe I just told you that.”

“It’s all right, Lady Madeline,” he breathed. “For him to treat you this way, to make you feel any less than you are is indeed a crime. Lovemaking is to be pleasurable – for both parties. And is never a chore, believe me. If your Henry felt that way, he was nothing but a fool who didn’t deserve you. Making love is among life’s greatest pleasures, and for you to not have truly experienced it is, in my opinion, a crime.”

“That is my darkest secret,” Madeline said, finally opening her eyes and glancing at him for the briefest of moments. “Not only am I damaged goods in the eyes of society, but not once have I known the true pleasure of a man. Nor will I ever. It seems so unfair.”

“You will, Madeline,” Jamie said, making it sound dangerously like a promise. “You are young and beautiful – you have no reason to fear that you’ll never feel the true touch of a man.”

She sighed and flashed him a small but grateful smile. “I thank you for saying that. But please, my lord, I beg you to never repeat what I’ve told you. I’m embarrassed just knowing that someone else in the world knows my secret – I would die if anyone else were to know.”

“We all have dark secrets, my lady,” Jamie said, and Madeline brought her head up to meet his eyes.
“Even you?”

“Especially me,” Jamie said, his features suddenly taking on a dark, dangerous cast.

“Nonetheless, I want you to promise never to repeat what I told you. Do I have your promise?” Madeline asked anxiously.

Jamie locked his piercing blue eyes on hers, nodding slowly. “Oh, I promise, my Lady Madeline. I solemnly promise.”

Madeline breathed a sigh of relief, though in her belly, she sensed that he was promising something else entirely.

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